Hotel Transylvania Page #2

Okay, there is a human village

just a little ways past the cemetery.

You could go there and be back

in, like, 30 minutes or so.

lt should be plenty for your first time.

Well, it's not Ha-wee-wee, but l guess

it's still technically out there.

Okay, okay, okay!

Thanks for trusting me.

Of course, my little one.

l gave you my word.

Hey, honey!

-Look at this!

-Hey, guys.

You excited about tomorrow?

Not as excited as l am right now.

You're not gonna believe this,

but Dad is letting me

go out on my own to see a human village!

-What?

-No!

Excuse me. Drac!

Have you lost it?

Letting your own daughter out there

with those horrible humans

you always tell us about?

That's why you built this place.

They hate us. They're vicious.

And they're very loud!

Auntie Eunice, maybe they've changed.

l'm just gonna fly down

the street and see how it goes.

Okay, honey, be safe.

Bring warm clothes and a sword.

And look out for pitchforks.

Don't you let anyone

scoop your brains out, either.

Maybe stay in the shadows.

lt's more fun to just

observe from under a house.

Guys, guys. She can handle it.

She's a Dracula, for Pete's sake.

But seriously, watch out for fire.

Fire bad.

Bye, everyone.

Drac, l can't believe how calm

you are about her leaving.

l'm proud of you.

Drac? Drac?

Where did Drac go?

This is awesome!

There's the cemetery, just like Dad said.

Hello?

Anybody out there?

-Vampire.

-Bite toes!

Hi, humans.

Everything okay?

My name is Mavis Dracula, and l...

Vampire.

-Burn clothes.

-Burn my clothes?

-Really?

-Vampire!

-We take your candy.

-Candy!

l'm friendly. l really am.

-Calm down, now.

-Candy.

l just wanted to say hi.

Please. l've never hurt anyone.

l'm homeschooled.

ls that garlic?

Holy rabies, you're on fire.

Can l do anything? Can l help you?

Dad was right.

lt worked.

Now my baby will be safe forever.

All right, everybody, get back to work now.

Hey. You don't need a mannequin.

Leave the mannequin here. Come on.

Where you been?

Why you sneaking around?

Quiet.

Sweetheart, have you returned so soon?

Come in, Dad.

How'd it go? How was the big world?

How was it out there?

lt was okay, Dad.

What? What's the matter?

Dad, you were right.

Humans are awful.

They were everything you said.

-They wanted to bite my toes.

-Your toes?

And they had garlic on bread.

What? Look at me.

l'm getting goose bumps, l'm so scared.

l'm so sorry, sweetheart.

l hate that you had to see that.

l'm so sorry l doubted you.

l'll never leave here again.

Okay. Okay.

Look, Daddy's going to make you

the bestest birthday ever.

Look what l brought you.

Your wormcakes.

Don't be sad anymore.

Remember, this is the year

we open Mommy's present for you.

What did she get me?

We'll see.

She said never to open until you're 1 1 8.

We've waited this long.

You eat your wormcakes.

You come down

whenever you're ready, honey.

What did you do?

What l had to.

She'll thank me one day.

Yeah, that's what the guy

who shrunk my head said.

Yes, what do you want, a cookie?

You did all right, man.

Move on already.

Yeah.

Vampire! Vampire!

A human.

Who are you?

And how did you find this place?

l'm Jonathan.

And l was just mountain

climbing with some dudes...

...and heard this story about a spooky forest.

And who's not going to go

into a spooky forest, right?

So, then I see

these goofy-looking dudes on fire.

And l just kind of followed them

to this, like, amazing castle.

But, of course, be smart.

No bonfires, no firework shows.

-How many of you are there?

-Just me.

l like to hit it alone.

You meet so many awesome people

in the youth hostels.

Hey, speaking of awesome,

that cape thing is killing it.

ls there, like, a costume party here?

What have l done?

This is all my fault.

You have to leave.

-Oh, no.

-Excuse me.

One of your piranhas in the lake is very rude.

He ate my sister-in-law.

Be right with you.

Mr. Dracula, we asked for a room

with a view of the pool.

The room's fine. We want to book a massage.

-Yes, Swedish.

-Shiatsu.

-Aromatherapy.

-Lower back.

-Do you have hot-stone?

-We want a massage.

-l'll get back to you, Mr. Hydraberg.

-l hope so.

-l doubt it.

-See that you do.

-That's Ms. Hydraberg.

-Thanks.

-Yes, nice to see you.

-Dude, seriously, what's up?

lt's kind of funky to breathe under here.

Drac. Hey, Drac. How'd it go with Mavey?

Hey. Where'd you go?

Wow!

This room's kind of small for a big castle.

No bed, but check out these

awesome dustpans they give you.

Quiet, you fool.

What weapons are you keeping

in this container?

Your pitchforks?

l can't breathe.

lt's killing me.

Yeah, definitely due for a fluff and fold.

What is this?

A torture device?

A secret mind controller?

You won't read my thoughts.

l won't let you.

Dude, it's just music.

Here, try it.

lt's taking my soul!

What? lt's a good jam. Don't be a grandpa.

You need to go.

No human has ever entered this castle.

And if someone should see you,

the safety of the hotel, the sanctuary,

no one would ever come again.

Yeah, go for it.

"Ever come again!"

l love your Dracula voice. lt's so over the top.

And Mavis, if she saw you,

she would know that l lied. No!

Who's Mavis? ls this her room?

l'm good with a roommate.

l had six brothers growing up,

so l could totally share.

l can't kill him.

lt would set monsters back

hundreds of years.

One time, in Hamburg,

l roomed with this dude

who l caught stealing my shampoo.

l said, "Whoa, man," and he threw

a flower pot at me, but he was cool.

What are you babbling about?

What? Whoa.

Check out these awesome costumes.

Costumes.

What's this? Sorry, man.

l just can't be without my backpack.

-You know, everything l own's in there.

-lt'll be right here.

Okay, l just... l love my backpack.

Whoa. Hey, what are you doing?

What are you...

What are you doing to my hair?

Stop. Oh, wait, that tickles.

Come on, man.

Check it out. l'm a Franken-homie.

-Yes, hello.

-Look at me!

This is totally normal, not a problem here.

This is just a monster with me.

Man, everybody stepped it up tonight.

Wait, why are we going to the front door?

Are we leaving?

Bonjour, Dracula!

Hey, Sniffy. What's going on?

Not right now, Quasimodo.

What?

No. Don't be absurd.

lt's not a human, but Monsieur Dracula.

How ridiculous. lt's me.

-The devilled lizard fingers.

-Devilled lizard fingers?

l asked for spleens-in-blankets.

You ugly fool! l told you, he doesn't like

-the lizard fingers!

-But you said...

Whoa. Check that costume out.

Wow. Seriously, l just have to ask you:

How are you pulling this off?

l mean, it looks so real.

Like, l could just put

my hand right through...

What do you think you're doing?

She's real. You're real!

Yeah, and l'll give you a real beating.

Keep your hands out of my wife!

Oh, no.

Honey, l just didn't know where you were.

We thought you were still out.

Oh, no.

l don't know why l ever wanted to leave.

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