Hotel Transylvania Page #3

The humans are so boring.

Mavis, honey, are you all right?

Yeah, l think so. That was weird.

My head hurts.

-Who is that?

-Who is what?

Oh, that.

That is nobody.

-Seriously, Dad?

-"Dad"?

Yeah, l know, Dracula's daughter.

Everyone freaks out at first.

Dracula?

Okay, we got to go.

Please don't kill me. l'm so young.

l have so many places l want to see.

l've got tickets to six

Dave Matthews Band concerts.

l'm getting out of here.

Shut up already.

lt's impossible for me

to think with all your noise.

Sorry, Glen. Go back to sleep.

-Wait. Aren't you going to suck my blood?

-Classic human paranoia.

Human blood is so fatty,

and you never know where it's been.

So, Dracula doesn't drink blood?

No, l use a blood substitute.

Either Near Blood or Blood Beaters.

You can't tell the difference.

So, wow, you're, like, the real Count Dracula.

Like, "l'm Dracula. Bleh, bleh-bleh."

l've never said that in my life.

"Bleh, bleh-bleh."

l don't know where that comes from.

Can l just ask, what exactly is this place?

What is this place?

lt's a place l built

for all those monsters out there,

lurking in the shadows,

hiding from the persecution of humankind.

A place for them and their families

to come to and be themselves.

A place void of torches,

pitchforks, angry mobs.

A place of peace, relaxation

and tranquility.

Cool. So, it's like a hotel for monsters?

Yes, exactly. "A hotel for monsters."

Way to sum it up.

Okay, hop on my back. We're leaving.

Oh, man, you're a bat now.

l always wanted to fly. What's it like?

This is insane. Wait. Wait, l want to stay.

Can Frankenstein sign my costume?

Can l meet the lnvisible Man?

Hey, if l stuck my hand

in the lnvisible Man's mouth,

-would it disappear?

-Hi.

Mavey! What are you doing,

my sweet little blood orange?

Our friend was just leaving.

Yeah, he was flying me out the window.

This guy, he's so funny.

Look, you have something on your face.

Play along if you ever want

to see your precious backpack.

Whoa. So, wait, you didn't have

any clothes on when you were a bat?

Or were they bat-sized?

Who exactly is that?

Honeybat.

You see, it's your birthday.

And you know l want you to have the bestest,

specialest party of your life.

So, well, l needed some help.

You needed help?

Well, look, l am very good,

but l thought it would be

even more bestest, specialest if someone

closer to your age helped plan the party.

-You're my age?

-Sure.

Well, how old are you?

1 1 8.

One hundred and...

Yeah, l'm 1 21 .

Really?

You see? Everything is very, very normal.

l'm throwing a party, and he's helping.

-Sir, there's an emergency.

-Not now.

Can't you see we're in the middle

of something very normal here?

Wait, what's going on here?

There's an emergency in your precious hotel,

and you're not running to fix it?

Why? ls it because of him?

Whoa, look at my face.

No, precious bones, it's not because of him.

Good. Then go check on the emergency,

and l'll keep him company.

-No! Anything but that!

-What?

l mean, because he needs time to plan.

And if you're keeping him company,

then he's not planning.

He is company-keeping,

and then the plan, it's...

lt doesn't get planned.

-Good one.

-Shut up!

Okay. So, maybe if you're not

planning later, we can hang out.

-Sounds good.

-Yes. You hear that?

lt sounds good.

So you will hang out.

See you later, my honey. Lovely.

Okay, you're not hanging out.

Because you are leaving.

But the opposite, you said.

But, sir, the emergency.

Follow me.

Boy, that kid smelled.

Where are we going?

Just getting rid of you

through a secret tunnel

so she does not see us.

So, can l ask you a question?

ls that real, about the garlic thing?

Yes, l cannot have it. My throat swells.

Wooden stake to the heart?

Yeah, well, who wouldn't that kill?

Here we go.

l'm sorry. l'm a little lost.

Yes, l know it's your honeymoon.

l apologize.

Go back to doing what you were doing.

l'm not down here much.

lt's meant to be

an exit if humans ever invade.

So, l'm, like, the first human here, huh?

That's really cool.

Oh, boy.

l think this is it.

-What's happening?

-l'm terribly sorry.

-My mistake.

-What is wrong with you people?

Oh, man. This place is amazing.

Okay, l could really use

some silence right now.

All right, third time's a...

Drac.

Yes, Frankie?

Hey, buddy, what you been doing?

Don't move.

Never mind that. What you been doing?

We wanted to practice our

big number for Mavis's party,

and then these losers

wouldn't get off the bandstand.

Okay. Put down Zombie Mozart,

Bach and Beethoven this instant.

Did you get to rehearse

at all, Zombie Beethoven?

Listen, Drac, we wanted to

play something, like old times.

We even thought maybe you'd sing with us.

Come on, fellas. You know that

l haven't sung in public since Martha.

Yeah, but we just thought

how much, you know, Mavis would love it.

l said no!

Don't ask me again!

Okay. Now, let's hug the zombies.

Let's all make up.

-Wow. He really scared you.

-l wasn't scared.

l was being polite, okay?

Hey. What are you doing here?

l thought you were planning.

l never caught your name.

My name's Mavis.

Mavis? That's a pretty neat name.

Yeah, my mom picked it.

So, are you going to tell me your name?

Me? My name? Good question.

Well, obviously, l'm Frankenstein.

No, you're not.

Frankenstein is my uncle over there.

The gentleman hugging Zombie Mozart.

Right. Of course, he's your uncle.

Well, see, l'm not "the" Frankenstein.

l'm his cousin, Johnnystein.

-Johnnystein?

-Hey, Mavis.

Who is that?

Are these monsters going to kill me?

Not as long as they think you're a monster.

Huh? That's kind of racist.

We'll talk later.

-ls he making fun of me?

-No, no.

Of course he's not, because he's...

He's your cousin, Johnnystein.

Yes, yes, yes.

l don't have no cousin.

No, no, you do.

He's your sixth cousin, three times removed.

On your right arm's side.

You have a cousin?

Frank, if your arm could talk,

he would tell you that the original owner

of your arm had a brother.

Who married a woman.

-Who was...

-For strangling a pig.

l have pig-strangling blood in my arm?

That's kind of cool.

Well, cuz, great to meet you.

So, what brings you here, Johnny?

-What was that?

-Oh, sorry.

l should really clear my throat before l speak.

Anyway, what brings you here?

Party planner.

Yes, l have recruited Mr. Stein here

to help me with Mavis's birthday party.

Wait a minute, you asked

someone to help you?

Captain Control Freak?

lt's Count... And yes, l thought having

a Mavis contemporary would be useful.

Yeah, he totally needed

a fresher perspective.

Okay, Johnny, Mr. Tight Coffin over here

was planning to have these

powdered lame-os play at the party.

So, anyways, we thought

we could liven things up a bit.

Whoa! You all play?

Let's check you guys out!

Girl

l can't believe it's your big night

Seems Iike onIy yesterday

you were eating mosquitoes

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