House Arrest Page #6

- She'll get over it.

- No!

Yes, siree, a little beverage for thee.

"To champagne wishes

and caviar dreams."

I've always wanted to try this stuff.

Your mom should have drank it

while it was still fresh.

So, Ned, why do you have all these

strange decorations down here?

Well, the kids put them up

for our anniversary.

Yeah. They wanted to remind us

of our honeymoon in Hawaii.

Can you imagine having

a Hawaii honeymoon?

That'd be so great. Where did you go?

- We didn't have a honeymoon.

- You didn't have a honeymoon?

No. Donald was still busy at work,

and I was still waitressing.

- You waitressed?

- Yeah, for five years.

Really?

You see, Donald and I

were at law school together.

He couldn't afford the tuition

so I dropped out and started waitressing

until he got established.

- She wanted to.

- I got it!

Well?

The latch is broken,

and the door is rusted shut.

Get me down.

Honey, let's take a little break.

A pipe or something that we could hit

at it with.

Just hang on a little longer, honey.

When we get out of here, I'm gonna buy

you a whole truckload of cigarettes.

- No, it's not that.

- What is it, then?

It just must be nice to have kids who

care about you as much as theirs do.

What are you talking about?

My kids love you.

You see, it's your kids.

They don't think of me as their mother,

they don't want me as their mother.

Well, of course they do. Why do you

think they locked you in here?

- Brilliant.

- Brilliant.

Brilliant.

Absolutely brilliant.

- What are you doing?

- Turning off the electricity.

Don't you understand?

They can't survive without electricity.

No Nintendo, no MTV.

I've already thought of it. It won't work.

It will work.

Two hours without electricity,

they'll be screaming for their mommy.

Two hours without electricity

and we're gonna be screaming

while they burn down the house

with matches.

You don't like this

because it isn't your plan.

- You are so childish.

- No, I'm not.

Yes, you are.

- Why are you acting this way?

- Why am I acting this way? Why?

I haven't a clue.

Let's take a stab at it, shall we?

I got it! We've been held hostage

since Thursday,

our kids are starting to act like Freud,

I've probably lost my job,

spurned a fist-fight with the town's

biggest ass-wipe

and we just wasted the entire day

with your stupid plan.

Turning off the electricity is brilliant,

it's a brilliant plan.

I forgot, you graduated from Mensa,

didn't you?

You and Nostradamus were like this.

It's a bad plan, Ned, a stupid plan.

- What did he just call me?

- "Ass-wipe."

The plumber's wrench

is over by the camera.

You guys are in big trouble now.

Who's there?

Groves, what's going on?

- It's the cops.

- Hide.

Hi.

Can I help you?

We're responding to a complaint.

A neighbor says

your lights keep flashing.

Oh, that. It's the electricity. We've been

having some troubles with it.

- Are your parents at home?

- No, sir.

Hi, officers. Groves,

we're waiting for you. Come on.

You guys can come, too.

- You sure?

- Yeah, follow me.

Come on in.

Hi.

- Wanna play?

- Yeah.

No, thanks.

The problem's with the fuse box.

The wire came loose from the jamrod,

which caused a short in the connector.

How are you doing, officers?

I paid those parking tickets.

So, what did you find?

The usual, Chief. Sex, drugs, Twister.

Everything's fine, Chief.

Have a good night.

Get some rest.

Yes! We did it!

- How did you keep the parents quiet?

- Ah, my friend, with Matt.

Stay back.

Remember the tomato, okay?

You are going too far with this.

You're not staying back.

You're not fooling me.

Got him! He is faking. I knew it.

Come on, you little wuss.

Stop it!

- Mr. Krupp.

- How?

Mom, thanks.

He called me "Mom."

It was our way out of here.

That dumb thing didn't work.

Grover! Grover!

I am ashamed of all of you.

You ask us to listen to you and trust you

and you're up there drinking?

It was my fault, Mrs. Beindorf.

I opened it, and I only took a little sip.

Only a sip? Well, that's just fine, isn't it?

What kind of impression are you making

on these younger children?

- I'm sorry.

- Well, sorry isn't good enough, is it?

Now, I want you all in bed right now!

Do you hear me? Right now!

Right now!

You heard the lady, let's go.

That was good.

Good night.

So, that's how it's done.

What do we do now?

If I had a little piece of wire,

my stupid plan would have worked.

Wire? That's it?

There's wire all over the basement!

If that's all you want, why not take

a part of Louise's brassiere?

You could wire the whole town.

She's gonna get it.

This is gonna be the time.

- I got her.

- Don't let her go.

Hook it around the ledge.

Just bend it around really good.

I got it!

What is this?

Take it away from my face!

Grover.

Quick, come here.

First window on the right.

That dude can have us put away, man.

But we're minors.

I don't think Rocco's smart enough

to get us put away.

Yeah, but what if he does?

I mean, what if we end up in jail?

What would our parents do to us?

What would the other prisoners

do to us?

- They could be outside the house.

- We could be surrounded.

Did you hear something?

- They're inside the house.

- They're in the wall.

Wait!

It's Mom.

Hi, kids. Do you think you could maybe

just give me a little hand here?

Thanks.

Look out!

I got you.

- What happened?

- Why were you screaming?

What's so funny?

The only thing you ever finished in

this house was closing off our escape.

What do you mean, our escape?

What do you mean?

This is our only means of escape?

- Are you all right?

- I ripped my pants.

There's always champagne.

What do you say?

Why not?

- We gotta board this up.

- Yeah.

What is this?

That was something that Ned gave me

for Valentine's Day. It just wasn't me.

I know. When you become a mom, you

don't get to wear stuff like this anymore.

I'd roll over and die if I believed that.

- Cake?

- No, thanks.

- Do you want some champagne?

- No, thank you.

I prefer not to indulge

in artificial stimulants of any kind.

You are of age to drink, right?

21 at least?

What do you mean by that?

I think what he's trying to say is,

judging from the way you talk and dress

- I'd say you're about 15.

- Excuse me.

Excuse me, I don't really think the way I

talk and dress is any business of yours.

You know, a lot of people

don't dress their age.

Phil Donahue did a whole show...

Gwenna, no one wants to hear

about Phil Donahue right now.

Why are you always interrupting her

all the time?

How would like it

if somebody interrupted you

every time you started to talk?

Like I said...

- I don't think you respect her very much.

- Respect?

She's my wife.

Of course I respect her, for God's sake.

- Actually, Donald, you do...

- Gwenna, I'm talking.

You're a fine one to talk about respect,

with you and your kid.

Think your daughter respects you,

you dress like you're 12?

Not bad. Excuse me.

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