House of 1000 Corpses

---

FADE IN:

INT. OLD HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

We see a LITTLE GIRL dancing around in a grainy super 8 home

movie. A LITTLE BOY wearing a monster MASK enters the frame.

He struggles to lift a double barrel shotgun. He points it

at the girl and pretends to SHOOT.

GIRL (V.O.)

(whispering slowly)

Once I had a cat, he was the sweetest

little guy. Then one day he got sick

and died. My heart was broken. My

whole body hurt.

She continues dancing. The little boy imitates her.

GIRL (V.O.)

After that, I saw things differently,

everything could be summed up with

three simple words... f*** the world.

The camera swings over to some ugly, toothless relations

watching the show. They laugh.

EXT. SPAULDING'S - NIGHT

We open on a dark, lonely stretch of two lane blacktop.

Off to the side of the road we see a rundown gas station.

RADIO ANNOUNCER (V.O.)

Hey, welcome back to 93.5 WJRC's

Halloween monster weekend. I'm Jimmy

Ray and I'll be bringing you the

oldies, the goldies and sometimes

the moldies. The good, the bad and

the uglies straight from the WJRC

vaults.

A weathered wooden sign proclaims CAPTAIN SPAULDING'S WORLD

OF MONSTERS AND MADMEN, sits atop the building.

A smaller sign below reads FRIED CHICKEN AND GASOLINE.

RADIO ANNOUNCER (V.O.)

Hey, kids still trying to decide on

the right costume? Well why not head

on down to Randall's Penny Save

located on Kimball Rd. just off route

1 in Mackin County. Choose from a

wide array of ghosts and ghouls,

jeepers and creepers...

(scary sound effects)

...everything you need for your

Halloween needs.

SHERIFF HUSTON, a tall southern good old boy, leans against

his dusty cruiser smoking a cigarette, pumping gas into his

tank.

INT. CAPT. SPAULDING'S - NIGHT

Inside is a poorman's Ripley's Believe It or Not.

Bizarre props and treasures of killers and monsters cover

the dirty walls. Wax figures of JACK THE RIPPER stand guard

before oil paintings by JOHN WAYNE GACY.

RADIO ANNOUNCER (V.O.)

Alright let's get back to our monster

music marathon with this classic

called The Teddy Bear's Picnic.

Perched on a stool behind the counter sits CAPTAIN SPAULDING,

a crusty looking old man in a filthy clown suit and smeared

make-up. The word LOVE is tattooed across his right knuckles

and HATE is tattooed across the left.

He is reading the newspaper, crunching on crackers from a

paper bag and halfheartedly listening to a small, nerdy man

wearing coke bottle glasses named STUCKY.

Stucky thumbs through a stack of autographed 8x10 photographs.

STUCKY:

(speaking through

voicebox in his throat)

I... I got back a stack today. Some

nice shots.

(holds up a picture

of June Wilkinson)

See, a good topless June Wilkinson...

unfortunately she personalized it...

(looking at the photo)

to Stucky, love June.

CAPT. SPAULDING

Hmmmmm.

STUCKY:

Sh*t, this ain't worth nothing now

that my name gotten all over it. I

was a fixin' on trading it to Jackie

Cobb.

CAPT. SPAULDING

The retard over at Molly's fruit

stand.

STUCKY:

Yeah, he's all hot on her after he

found some of his dad's old nudie

books hidden in the basement. He

keeps 'em taped inside his school

workbook.

Spaulding brushes cracker crumbs off his paper and continues

reading.

CAPT. SPAULDING

Fascinating.

STUCKY:

That kid is one horny retard.

CAPT. SPAULDING

Christ, ain't they all. All them

retards wanna do is f*** and eat.

STUCKY:

Well, yeah... I think that if you

knew him... I mean if you'd understand

his urges, sh*t the guy's like forty

or something.

CAPT. SPAULDING

Worse than a f***ing rabid baboon.

STUCKY:

Yeah, I guess, you know next to

wacking his weasel his other favorite

thing is twisting sharpened pencils

in the corner of his eyes.

CAPT. SPAULDING

What?

STUCKY:

Yeah, doesn't hurt himself, just

spins it around next to his eyeball.

CAPT. SPAULDING

I'm sure that ain't the only place

he's sticking those pencils.

STUCKY:

Naw, he don't do anything else with

'em, but he did get caught once with

a Planet of the Apes doll hanging

out his a**hole.

Rate this script:2.9 / 7 votes