House of 1000 Corpses Page #2

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CAPT. SPAULDING

(laughing)

Goddamn.

STUCKY:

Had to take him to the hospital. Kid

had Dr. Zaius stuck half way up his

butt, couldn't get it out.

CAPT. SPAULDING

I always loved that mute broad that

Chuck Heston was shacking up with.

STUCKY:

Nova, yeah she looked pretty sweet.

CAPT. SPAULDING

Yeah, now there's the perfect woman.

STUCKY:

Can I get some stamps off ya?

(slapping down his

money)

Did you fix the toilet yet?

Opens a drawer and tears off five stamps.

CAPT. SPAULDING

Yes, I did... so don't you go stuffin'

any goddamn paper towels down that

hole. I just snaked the sh*t out of

that thing.

Spaulding SLIDES the KEY attached to a cow skull across the

counter. Stucky grabs it. Spaulding hangs on.

CAPT. SPAULDING

Ya hear me? You bust that crapper

and I'll beat your ass.

STUCKY:

I hear ya.

He lets go of the key.

EXT. CAPT. SPAULDING'S - NIGHT

From a STRANGER'S POV we watch through the window, Stucky

EXIT for the restroom.

Sheriff Huston finishes pumping his gas, gets in his cruiser

and drives off.

KARL (O.S.)

All clear. Let's go shopping.

RICH (O.S.)

Right.

From this POV we RACE across the highway towards the front

door of the MUSEUM.

SLAM! We BURST through the door.

INT. SPAULDING'S - SAME

The moment of impact. BOOM. The door SMASHES open.

Spaulding's head JERKS up to see: a masked gunman, KARL,

wearing a LEATHER S+M MASK.

Behind him stands a second gunman, RICH, wearing a rubber

CAVEMAN MASK.

CAPT. SPAULDING

Mary f***ing Moses. Get the f*** out

of here.

KARL:

Hold it, clowney. Keep your paws

where I can see 'em.

RICH:

Yeah, don't move or I'll blast a

hole the size of a Kansas City melon

through your ugly-ass Bozo face.

Spaulding obeys and raises his hands.

KARL:

Go get that other a**hole out of the

shitter and drag his ass back in

here.

RICH:

Right.

Rich exits.

CAPT. SPAULDING

Miserable little c*nts with guns. I

ought to jump right over this counter

and bash your f***ing balls in.

Killer Karl steps up and puts his gun against Spaulding's

face.

KARL:

Alright Tippy, hand over the cash

box and I might leave your brains

inside your skull.

Spaulding smiles wide, his teeth are yellow and rotted.

CLOSE UP:

Spaulding's foot kicks a red switch, triggering a silent

alarm.

CAPT. SPAULDING

That's what you b*tches need. A

reality check courtesy of my boot in

your ass. That'll be a f***ing cash

box you can cry to mamma about.

INT. SPAULDING'S - BACKROOM - NIGHT

A silent RED LIGHT FLASHES. In the dim glow, we see RAVELLI,

a large hunched figure, sitting on the edge of a bed. The

figure is heavily bandaged.

Ravelli reacts to the flashing light, he RISES and puts a

huge mask over his head. He EXITS the room.

INT. BATHROOM STALL - NIGHT

Stucky sits on the toilet pasting stamps on large yellow

envelopes.

Killer Rich KICKS OPEN the stall, GRABS Stucky by the neck

and PULLS him out.

RICH:

Come on, fatboy!

EXT. CAPT. SPAULDING'S - NIGHT

We move around the outside of the building watching the scene

inside unfold. HEAVY BREATHING is heard.

Rich DRAGS Stucky into the main room.

INT. SPAULDING'S - NIGHT

Karl grows increasingly HOSTILE, knocks a candy display over,

raises his gun over his head and fires into the ceiling.

KARL:

(screaming)

That's it. I'm gonna count to ten

and you're gonna hand over the cash

or I'm gonna splatter your grease

paint mug across the stateline...

one.

CAPT. SPAULDING

F*** your mother.

KARL:

Two.

CAPT. SPAULDING

F*** your sister.

RICH:

Come on, man. Just shoot him.

STUCKY:

(recognizing Rich's

voice)

Hey, I know you. We were in high

school together. Wood shop, right?

...Richard Wick... right?

He looks nervously at Stucky.

RICH:

Shut up, shut up, shut up!

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