House of 1000 Corpses Page #8

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CAPT. SPAULDING

OK, alright I'll draw you a map, but

I still say it is a waste of time.

JERRY:

Great.

INT. CAR - NIGHT

Through the window we see Jerry talking to Spaulding.

Spaulding draws a map, explaining as he draws.

MARY:

Geez, he never gets tired does he.

DENISE:

Never. I swear to God he never sleeps,

he goes to bed after me, wakes up

before me. He's always working on

10.

MARY:

Maybe he's a cyborg.

BILL:

(wearily, sips his

coffee)

I like sleep.

DENISE:

Here he comes.

Jerry comes bouncing out towards the car and jumps in.

He is holding a map and a box of chicken.

JERRY:

We hit the jackpot! Let's roll, good

buddy. We got ourselves a convoy.

MARY:

Huh?

DENISE:

Ugh, what's that smell?

JERRY:

Fried chicken.

(holds up a drumstick)

Anybody want some?

No one responds.

EXT. WOODS - DAY

An OLD FARMER and his WIFE stare directly into the camera.

OLD MAN:

I don't know where that skunk ape

sleeps. Maybe in the trees and all...

all I know is he eats squirrels to

survive and he had impure relations

with my wife.

WIFE:

That's true. He performed lurid acts

upon me and my person while my husband

Russell was a fix'n to our hound

Clarence.

OLD MAN:

If I see that thing again... I'm a

gonna kill that skunk ape.

BILL:

(off screen)

What does it look like?

WIFE:

It looked just like that chubby fella

from McHale's Navy... Ernie Borgnine.

OLD MAN:

Hold up the picture.

The wife holds up a pencil sketch of a Bigfoot like creature

and a newspaper photo of Ernest Borgnine.

EXT. COUNTRY ROAD - NIGHT

Bill's car moves past empty farmlands. A HEAVIER RAIN is now

falling.

INT. CAR - NIGHT

Jerry directs Bill from Spaulding's hand-drawn map.

JERRY:

Keep straight on this road here.

BILL:

How much further?

JERRY:

I'm not exactly sure... it looks

close. Did we pass an abandoned school

bus yet?

BILL:

I don't know.

Mary and Denise sit bundled up in blankets.

MARY:

Let's just skip it. It is probably

nothing anyway.

DENISE:

Aw Christ, Jerry. We can't see

anything now, it's too dark. Let's

forget it.

JERRY:

Come on, we need something like this.

It could be the real deal. It's too

far out of the way to come back to.

BILL:

What's that?

Through the windshield we see a LONE FIGURE hitch-hiking by

the side of the road. It is a girl, BABY, 27, in a worn cowboy

hat and long fur coat. She is soaked to the bone.

JERRY:

It's a hitchhiker.

BILL:

Way out here?

MARY:

Well, don't even think about playing

the good samaritan, there's way too

many psychos wandering loose these

days.

BILL:

(looking closer)

It's a girl.

JERRY:

Hey, maybe she knows where this is?

DENISE:

(sarcastically)

That seems likely.

MARY:

Should we stop?

BILL:

We can't leave her out here in the

rain... maybe we can just drop her

at the next rest area.

MARY:

She looks like a freak.

DENISE:

Stick her in the front, if you want

to pick her up so bad. She's soaked.

MARY:

She looks like she stinks.

BILL:

(imitating Mary)

She looks like she stinks.

JERRY:

(makes cat noises)

Cat fight, cat fight.

DENISE:

Hardy har, har.

The car pulls over and Baby jumps in. The car moves off.

INT. CAR - NIGHT

Once inside the car they see that the girl is a bit odd.

BABY:

Whoa, thanks for stopping. I been

standing out there in that toad

strangling rain for like a hundred

million years.

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