House Party Page #4

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thirty brothers.

Don't make me walk

all the way back there...

after climbing from

around the D.J. table...

crossing the room,

obviously to ask you to dance.

l'll be the object of ridicule.

There's a lot of girls

not dancing.

Want to know why?

Because they are homely.

They need to be home

getting beauty sleep.

What you think

they say about you?

You heard something?

Oh, no. Sharane!

Kid, what's up?

-You enjoying yourself?

-Definitely.

l've known you too long.

What's that look in your eye?

Scheming on Sidney or Sharane?

Actually, l had my eye--

Sidney's for you.

Sharane wants me.

-She does?

-Every day.

Besides, with your father...

you can't deal

with no project girl.

You gonna ill out on a girl

from the projects?

You got it wrong.

With a father like yours,

you have no privacy...

no car, and no money

for a motel.

You see my point?

With a project girl,

someone's always home...

and that's gonna mess

with your datin' time.

Mating time.

Know what l'm saying?

How's it look watching

television with Uncle Fester?

-lt's Uncle Otis.

-Whatever.

But Sidney has a home.

A house with a rec room.

You know what time it is.

Go downstairs.

Sofa bed. You're in.

-Why you playin' me?

-l'm not--

Just 'cause you don't have

nice stuff at your crib...

don't mess with my mother's.

Your liver gonna

shrivel up like a prune.

lt's hot.

Become a man, come on.

Some of this.

No, man. You better

slow down yourself.

That monkey oil

is gonna mess you up good.

l tried to tell him.

Kid, you my man...

but l tell you

you'll be out on the sauce...

if you're not down with this.

This stuff makes your dick hard.

l'm talking cock-diesel, baby.

Do that dance step

you was doin' out there.

l've been trying to get

that all night.

-l don't feel like it.

-Come on!

l'm really not in the mood.

Don't do it, then.

l'll learn on my own.

Wait a minute.

Don't give up so easy.

l knew you wouldn't

go out on me.

l'll teach you.

Cool, man.

This is very complicated.

-What are you doing?

-This ain't aerobics class.

You can't do it.

-ls that a challenge?

-lt is.

-You better come on out here.

-Come on.

And look, drunk.

-Shall we do this?

-Let's do it.

Don't be movin' me.

They went to

the Rerun dance school.

Go ahead. What you got?

Switch!

Switch!

Switch!

Bilal, switch again!

Come on, man, switch!

Did you see how Kid

was all up on me?

On you?

He was so far up on me,

l could not move.

Wait a minute.

You said he was young-actin'.

l did. l also said he was cute.

Switch!

l do everything l can for him,

and he don't come home.

He must be crazy.

He don't pay no bills

around this house.

l'll give him another minute,

and that's it.

What's wrong with this watch?

Minute don't take

that damn long.

Sh*t. l know where he's at.

l'll kill him when l see him.

l should have never married

that white woman.

Hold it right there.

Sh*t.

Where are you going?

l'm minding my f***in' business.

Do you have a problem with that?

Again with the questions.

What is this, "Jeopardy"?

lt ain't "Jeopardy,"

or Monopoly, either...

and l ain't going to jail.

-Freeze!

-God damn.

Y'all sound like

a set of bookends.

Put your hands

on top of your head.

Lean back.

l know why you stopped me.

'Cause l'm a poor black man

in a black neighborhood...

and y'all just want

to bust my black ass.

-No.

-You look suspicious.

Ain't that a b*tch?

You look suspicious

and definitely black.

Turn around.

Your wife likes it.

We're responding to a 415

in the neighborhood.

You could be coming

from that disturbance.

The only f***in' disturbance

is you f***in' with me.

Don't think l can't read

no badge numbers, chump.

Boyd and Warnarski.

l'll turn your ass in.

That's enough, OK?

Watch your attitude, pal.

-Ain't that a b*tch?

-Go home.

F*** you.

Officers of the goddamn law.

-Go.

-l'm not ready.

Go on home, pal.

You don't know

who you f***ing with.

l'm from a small town called

"Fresh Off A Cop's Ass."

You make me homesick.

l'll find that damn boy.

Head like a whisk broom.

Sharane and Sidney,

the two finest women in here.

How could a man choose?

He better choose right.

lt's like that?

Sharane, you are crazy.

l really like that outfit

you got on.

lt likes you, too.

-And you got the boots.

-You like my boots?

Look at your hair.

lt looks so nice.

You got the braid

and everything.

That's my jam !

Check out this mix, boy.

Yo, Sharane.

Dope.

Yo, baby.

Let's do it, darling.

Want to dance, baby?

Damn.

-Like to dance?

-No.

You sure

you don't want to dance?

l'm quite sure.

Can l sit down?

lt's a free country.

When l saw you

turn that other guy down...

l knew that the odds

were against me.

Don't take it personal.

l didn't take it personal

when you asked me after Sharane.

What's your middle name?

LaToya.

Sidney. That's a nice name.

You sure

you don't want to dance?

l'm still tired. My feet.

Your feet.

Your mother should

buy you a bigger shoe size.

That would help.

That outfit you got on

is really nice.

-Pierre Cardin?

-No.

l knew it wasn't Pierre Cardin.

All right, fellas,

it's time to go to work.

You sure you don't want

to dance?

Maybe on a fast song.

l'm really not into slow songs.

-Whazzup?

-You want to dance?

Can't you see

l'm talking to my girl?

l should have sat out

the last one like you did.

l'm about to die.

-Ready to go yet?

-What's wrong?

You can't go until

you give me what you owe me.

-Owe?

-Just a dance.

lt's late. We're ready to go.

Let's just dance right now.

l usually don't dance

on slow records...

but l will

if you won't grind on me.

Come on.

Don't be feelin' on my butt.

You so soft and comfy,

like my Hush Puppies.

You so warm and fluffy

like a buttermilk biscuit.

Shoot.

You make me want to squeeze

tighter and tighter.

l ain't gonna lie.

You make a motherf***er

want to sing.

Always and forever

Each moment with you

ls just like

a dream to me and you

That somehow came true

Honeys. Oh, yes.

Yo, fellas!

lt's cool.

What's the problem?

No problem.

No hoods allowed at my party.

-Hoods?

-That's right.

Why don't y'all

go rob a liquor store?

Why don't you quit playin'?

lf l'd known you were coming,

l'd have had metal detectors.

-That sh*t is real funny.

-Real funny.

Don't touch my body, man.

Big man. Don't touch his body.

Look at that.

Bunch of punk motherfuckers.

You smell something?

l definitely smell

something out here.

l smell pussies!

Forget this, man.

Forget all these chumps.

We would smell like pussies

to a bunch of d*cks!

Sh*t!

lt's cool. Forget this, man.

l don't want to hang out

with this sucker set.

What l'd like to do

is hurt that punk Kid.

lf you was a real man,

you'd come out here...

and we'd squash this!

That's right, punk!

Get him when he's alone.

l told you.

Too many people around, man.

l'd really love to come

out and play with you...

but l'm busy right now

with your girl on my lap.

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