House Party 3

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1

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[CRASH]

MAN:
You may now kiss the bride.

[AUDIENCE CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]

WOMAN 1:
Play. He's so fine.

WOMAN 2:
Ooh, he looks good.

WOMAN 3:
Can I change his mind?

WOMAN 4:
Over here, baby.

WOMAN 5:
Ooh, I need you.

Come back here.

I love you.

WOMAN 6:
I love you.

WOMAN 7:
Oh, don't do it.

[RINGING]

[PANTING]

Yo.

Yo, this wedding got me buggin'.

[RINGING STOPS]

[GRUNTS]

Hey.

Hey.

WOMAN:
Hey.

Hey, how about a nice, big, juicy good morning kiss?

Not with that good morning breath.

Ha.

Well...

Look, just one kiss.

Come on. That's all I want. Just one kiss.

Okay.

Come on back.

Since you're so sweet, you can have just a little--

Aah!

[GIGGLING]

Hi-yah!

What are you doing?

What am I doing?

What are you doing?

Sergeant Sausage is present and ready for duty, okay?

Prepare for insertion.

[LAUGHS]

Wait. At ease.

Sergeant Sausage, Veda's a vegetarian.

Look, just calm down and close your eyes, all right?

It ain't gonna take but a minute while I'm up in it.

So I'm marrying the minute man now, huh?

You knew that going in.

Kid, stop.

What?

VEDA:
The wedding is days away.

I know. And my nuts are as blue as these sheets.

Come on, hit a n*gger off.

I'll hit you, all right.

[MAKING MARTIAL ARTS NOISES]

[RINGING]

MACHINE:
Hi, this is Shireen from The Good Girls--

Come on, baby, let it run.

Can't be anybody important. I'm already here.

Oh, uh-huh. I got to get it. It might be about a job.

STINKY:
Yo, hey, hey, hey, wake up, Play.

Sh*t.

Hey, girl, I know he's there.

I don't know why your fine ass

is wasting your time with him anyway.

You need to be chillin' with me.

Because, girl, I'll lick you like an ice cream cone

on a hot summer's day.

Damn, you a fine girl.

It's your friend that's not potty-trained.

It's my cousin. Someone's got to look out for him.

Or just look out.

Boy, you sure look good this morning.

You're missing something though.

Check this out.

Aw, yeah.

Now...

Talk to me.

What's up for breakfast?

Talk to me.

Talk to him. Give to him.

I'll tell you, based on the color scheme,

I think this looks better on you.

STINKY:
We got to get ready to pick up

Kid's dread-head cousins from the airport

and then we got to plan the bachelor party.

And then we need to talk about my 50, 50, 50 fractions

of Kid and Play's productions that you guys owe me

for my personal services, man.

Stinky, if you go to school like your mother wants,

you'd understand the business more,

The percentages instead of the fractions.

And right now I'm trying to close a very important deal.

I'm gonna have to get with you later, Stinky.

KID:
I'm not asking for much.

Hook me up with some of that French toast you be makin'.

When you have it stacked up.

And just laying on the side, the strawberries.

Chillin'.

VEDA:
I've never made any French toast.

You have me confused with Sydney again.

Damn.

Uh, ha, ha. Check it out. You know what happened?

Let me tell you. I was trippin'. I made a mistake.

See, what had happened was, that was Play.

Okay? And he had gone to France,

right, with his girl,

and at one point they made a toast.

So it was a French toast.

Don't even try it, Kid.

People do not toast with malt liquor,

and that is all I have ever seen Play drink.

You're busted.

What's up with you?

When we started going out,

you promised me we could make demo.

A demo? Come on, baby, I can do better than that.

I'm hooking you up with one of the largest promoters ever,

a brother by the name of Showboat.

I'm gettin' with him this morning.

Yeah, right.

That's right.

And, um, I hope when we give you that call,

that surprise call, that you're ready.

Play.

Yep.

Play.

What?

Oh...

I sure hope Kid's cousins have bus fare.

Oh, Janelle is throwing me a little party Friday night.

Nothing big. Just a few of the girls.

Perhaps some wine.

A male stripper.

Well, have a good time.

Let me know what went down with that, all right?

VEDA:
Okey-dokey.

Yoo-hoo.

Yes, darling?

Did you male dancer?

No. I said stripper.

Wh--? Oh, my bad. Stripper.

Janelle got some guy named Night Heat.

Night Heat?

Night Heat.

She thought the girls would get a kick out of it.

Can I kick Janelle?

No, you can't.

In the organ of my choice, repeatedly?

No, you can't, because she will kick back.

I can't have you two kicking each other.

See you later.

Johnny Booze, what's up? Yeah, it's Playtime.

We got to make this brief, 'cause I'm calling from the car.

Yeah, my boy, his bachelor party.

That's right. Of course I got the dough.

Yo, just get a pen out, man.

Friday night at the Densmore Hotel.

That's right. Now, who you got?

Angina Williams?

Angina-- Angina Williams? Yo, ain't that the girl

that does the disappearing act with the beer bottles?

Bet. Perfect for Kid.

Yo, good lookin' out, man. Don't let me down.

All right cool. Peace out, black.

Yo, Angina Williams, man. Tell me something.

How did your fowl ass pull some move like that?

I keep trying to tell you and Kid. It's the American way.

BOY:
Excuse me, sir.

Yes, can I help you?

Sir, we just flew in from Detroit

to perform in front of some senior citizens,

and all our luggage is gone.

Our show clothes.

My CD player.

George.

George? Who's George?

You know. George.

His teddy bear.

CLERK:
Oh, your teddy bear.

Gee, I'm so sorry, but I know how it feels.

My Slinky died two years ago.

I still wake up crying.

This is an insurance form.

You know how to fill it out, don't you?

You write down "Socks, $50,000."

And you were carrying a car in your suitcase.

May God bless you.

Oh, and God bless you too.

Sorry about the eye. Did you lose that also?

Yo, yo, yo, slow down. Pull over here.

What for?

Just pull over. We got to get our luggage, fool.

Yo, I thought they lost your luggage.

Nah, stupid. You think we dumb enough to lose our luggage?

We were just trying to make some more vacation money.

You know, to bring some girls to Hawaii.

Do you know what you punks did is against the law?

You could end up in juvie hall.

That's the first stop to the big house.

Know what they do to boys in the big house?

Make little girls out of them.

When we get there, we'll say hello to your low-life friends.

Take us to Capital Records, MCA, Motown and Virgin Records,

to let everybody know that Immature is in the house.

The only house you're gonna be in

is the house you'll be in all summer on punishment.

You ain't cuttin' up like you did last summer,

you understand me?

[]

Yo, watch the finish.

Watch the finish.

Yo, yo, yo, yo. The wild bunch is here.

Yo, what's up fellas? What's going on?

What's up, man?

All right.

LUCY:
Well, well, well.

Hello, Aunt Lucy. What's up, Veda?

Aunt Lucy, these are your brother Petey's grandchildren.

If you say so.

Honey, your pants are too big,

but Aunt Lucy gonna take care of that.

Play and Stinky, I brought some lunch. It's on the table.

BOTH:
Oh, word.

That's what I'm talking about. And I hope everybody ate,

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