House Party 3 Page #2

---

'cause I ain't saving a damn thing.

Fellas, I want you to meet my fiance Veda.

Hi guys. Oh, you're so cute.

Look at your little dreads.

I don't which one of you is the cutest.

You pretty cute yourself too.

Damn, Kid, I didn't know you had it going on like this.

She is fine.

Hey, Kid, what happened to that big booty girl?

The one you went to college with.

Ooh, look at the time.

We have a meeting today that we're late for.

We have a meeting, so we have to go.

And we're late. Uh, Play, Stinky. Play.

You know, the big booty girl. I think her name was Sydney.

Play, Stinky, we got a meeting. Come on, let's roll.

Well, what's with all these worms in your head, boy?

I hope you left some food for the little ones.

Of course, we did, Aunt Lucy. Of course, we did.

Now, well, of course, I did.

Now, Veda said you could have something to eat.

She didn't say go and eat up all that Chinese food.

It was fried chicken, Aunt Lucy.

Hush your mouth.

Chinese people don't eat fried chicken.

What?

Kid, I'm telling you right now,

we're going sell Sex As A Weapon to Showboat.

Wait a minute, we haven't even signed them yet.

I thought we were having this meeting to find out

if he was even interested.

Come on, Kid, you know I got the skills, man.

We're gonna get the girls to sign.

We gonna sell them to Showboat. It's the American way.

Selling what you don't own. I do it all the time.

This could backfire, man. This could backfire big time.

Play, don't you know what you're doing is against the law?

Keep it up, and you'll end up in the joint,

in the cell next to ours.

Yeah.

Just once.

Come on, just once, man.

Let me just hit him once, you know?

Whoo.

[]

Okay, have a seat, guys. Have a seat.

Look, now, we're here on business, all right?

I want you to act like you got some home training.

Tsk, man, we know how to act in public.

All right, I don't wanna have to hurt you.

SHOWBOAT:
No, I told you I'm not hearing that.

Look, I'll come over there and slap your mouth.

You better get my money. I'm not playing, boy.

Get my money. Get it now.

PLAY:
Showboat, what's up?

Hey, hey, fellas. Fellas.

Let's make some money. Talk to me quick.

Whoo!

Uh, Showboat...

Hey, yo, move that sh*t off the table.

Thanks, slice. Go ahead.

Uh, Showboat, we really wanna work with you.

We have what we believe to be a solid business proposition

that'll prove to be lucrative for all parties involved.

Well, I like it so far.

You know that girl group Sex As A Weapon, right?

Oh, them girls are on, slice.

Well, it just so happens we signed them

into an exclusive contract yesterday, man.

And, um, we wanna go on tour.

And we wanna do business with you.

You know, I got a 12 city tour of the Chitlin Circuit.

Uh, we about to start right now.

And you know, a group like Sex As A Weapon

could set that baby on fire.

Give me three G's, and we got a deal.

Wait. Why do I need to go through you?

I'm the man.

Sh*t, Play, you ain't nothing but a sucker MC.

And Kid, your jelly ain't sh*t.

Stinky, well, I think the names speaks for itself.

Yo, my name ain't Stinky, it's James.

[DOG BARKS]

Getting all excited.

You don't seem to understand, Sex As A Weapon ain't doing jack

without our say so.

Uh, uh, what he means to say, Showboat,

is that, uh, they respect our opinions with regard

to their career moves.

Yo, Kid, cut all that bullshit out, man.

You obviously don't know who you dealing with.

How you work this thing?

I know who I'm dealing with, and it better be local.

[PHONE RINGS]

Hello.

Yeah, this is Play. Uh...

Say hello to the man himself, Showboat.

Showboat, I can't believe it's for real.

Yeah, sh*t's unbelievable, baby. I know. Go ahead. Go ahead.

PLAY:
Uh, we talking about a 12 city tour, sweetheart.

And, um, all you got to do is say yes,

and Play will take care of the rest.

[SCREAMS]

There it is.

Um, you know what? I'll bring home the condoms...

I'm sorry, I'll bring home the contracts tonight, baby.

Keep it clean.

Hook them up, Ms. Pain.

Hook me up.

Uh, aren't there a few things we should discuss

before we start taking Showboat's money?

PLAY:
What are you talking--?

Kid, ain't nothing but a G thing, baby.

We all adults here. Showboat trust us.

He's a businessman. We are businessmen's.

Ah, you are a silly motherf***er.

Showboat don't trust sh*t.

No, no, no, my daddy always said

don't trust nobody but your mama and then cut the deck.

F*** that. Make sure you do what you say you gonna do.

You got my money, boy.

Oh, oh, oh. One more thing.

Go have a good time.

But look, look, whatever you do,

you can talk about my mama, steal my car, take my jewelry,

but don't mess with my money.

Oh, when you do that, you done...

Then you messin' with the wrong G.

The wrong G.

Now, um, here's the list of those 12 cities we talked about.

Uh, make sure you have those girls

sign that contract by tomorrow.

And until then, heh, let's make some money.

It was just really nice this morning, you know.

Kid had his reunion with his little cousins.

And they are three of the cutest little boys

you ever want to see, until one of them asked Kid

what happened to the big booty girl

he used to date in college.

Oh, no, he didn't.

Oh, yes, he did.

Was he talking about Sydney?

Don't say that "S" word.

Oh. Not with this day I've been having.

Not only that.

Kid kept going on about how good my French toast is.

But you don't like French toast.

Veda, you're my baby cousin, and I love you.

But if you're having second thoughts about this,

then maybe you ought to keep on thinking.

You're more than welcome to continue living with me.

I love having you.

No, if Kid were not ready,

he would not have saved for our condo.

Bought me this ring. He could have a car.

Janelle, I am wearing the man's car.

He announced our engagement, not me.

He never got this far with Sydney.

Yeah, that's because Sydney had some sense.

[PLAYING JAZZ MUSIC]

Okay, guys. Guys, guys, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Calm your nerves. Have a seat. Have a seat.

All right? Just sit down and do whatever Stinky tells you.

You sit down too.

I keep telling you I ain't no babysitter for these kids.

I need to be trying to impress them girls.

Play, take me with you, man.

They look at me, they'll sign that contract.

Stinky, do me a favor. Either wash your ass

or sit the hell down and shut up.

KID:
Please.

Hi, Kid.

Hi, Kid.

Uh, I mean, hi, ladies.

Know what? We need to talk in a better business atmosphere.

So why don't we kick it in the ball with some drinks?

Our treat.

Right this way. Right this way.

Please.

Ooh, this is what I'm talking about.

Getting down to the real nitty-gritty.

Some business.

Some ballistics, y'all.

He's right.

Real business.

Business minds. Big money.

Business. Kid.

Kid?

Uh.

Oh. I'm sorry.

You got to excuse my friend, he's zoning out.

This weekend, he's getting married.

And, um, you know, we're planning

a big bachelor party for him on Friday.

You know what?

Rate this script:5.0 / 2 votes