Housesitter Page #6

especially when his wife

and I have so much in common.

We just figured out Gwen's dad and I

fought in the same outfit in the Pacific.

- Really?

- Isn't that incredible?

Not half as incredible as the

story of meeting the Dunckles.

- The who?

- Her parents.

- Oh! Yeah, gosh, was that ever funny.

- You thought it was funny?

It was funny at first.

There was that incident.

Which made me so angry.

- Yes, but I can explain.

- Shake my hand.

You brought that man

back to life.

You're an extraordinary

human being.

Well, he's just such a great guy,

Gwen's dad.

What's Gwen's dad

got to do with it?

I'm talking

about your dad...

when you sang,

"Too-ra-loo-ra-loo-ral" to him,

bringing tears

to his eyes.

Damn, Davis, there's more

to you than meets the eye.

And you always seemed

a strange duck.

- That's because he's a swan, Mr. Moseby.

- Listen to her.

Honey, how come you never invited

Mr. Moseby over to the house?

My hubby designed the most

beautiful little house.

He did now?

I've got the perfect idea.

The reception.

Saturday afternoon,

nothing fancy,

just family

and friends over.

Oh, I don't want

to impose.

No imposition at all,

Winston.

And wait until you see

this house he designed!

It's particularly great

for entertaining.

But you're going to be

with your relatives!

Yeah, like, like, like

Gwen's dad.

They're driving in from Toledo

and I'd love to show you the house.

You and Gwen's dad

can catch up on old times.

Well, sounds good.

This is so fantastic! I can't believe

you came to help me get this promotion.

This is above and beyond.

Gwen, you're amazing.

- Did you notice how I picked up your cue?

- Yeah.

This is so interesting,

like, your last name is Dunckle.

- I never knew your last name.

- It's Buckley.

- Well, technically my husband's name.

- You're married?

- Was.

- So Dunckle is your maiden name?

Sort of.

It was my mom's name.

Maybe my dad's,

he was never in the picture.

Who do you consider your parents?

Let me put it this way.

Who's the guy in Toledo who watched "Howdy

Doody" and served in the South Pacific?

An invention!

The problem is

you stink at lying.

- Every time you try,

you get us into trouble.

Forgive me, o queen of crap.

- The problem is,

you don't have any parents.

No, I don't have parents.

- Did they pass away?

- I don't know.

Don't worry,

I'll get some.

We are so pleased

about the reception.

Your folks are coming to town.

You two are getting along.

- We like to think we had a hand in that.

- Oh look!

- It looks like something

Granny would have.

That's a nice pattern.

- Nice?

- What about this?

That I like!

That's us.

- Excuse me.

- Yes.

I suggested

we have the reception.

A marriage is bigger

than two people.

I just want to do everything

I can to save it.

You're such a great husband, Davis.

- Can I ask you something?

- Sure.

When you married Gwen,

was it, in some small way,

to get back at me?

To show me what a wonderful

husband you would've been?

It probably had

something to do with it.

- People do such foolish things!

- Oh!

Becky, I feel like

I have so much to tell you.

When I first met Gwen,

I was still on the rebound.

Oh! Thanks

for letting me talk.

- A lot of this is my fault.

- No!

If I hadn't turned you down,

misjudged you.

I'm so lonely, Davis.

The men I date, it never works out.

Most of them are just jerks.

They make up stories.

They'll tell you anything

to get you into bed.

Then there are

the guys like you,

the kind you don't appreciate

when you have the chance.

Thanks for

letting me talk.

Oh, Davis.

Oh, Becky,

I've wanted you for so long.

Oh, Davis.

Ah yes.

Oh, Davis.

Oh yes.

No! Wait!

Not like this.

- Why?

- I can't! I can't be the other woman.

If your marriage ends, it ends,

but not because of me.

Can't you understand?

You're married!

Come on, come on!

How was your day?

Oh, it was okay.

I was just too tired to make

anything other than that.

I brought some Chinese. I figured you'd

be exhausted from shopping with my mother.

I get exhausted thinking about it.

Did you get a dress?

- You brought me Chinese food?

- Yeah.

Did you get a dress for the reception?

It's in two days.

Oh yeah.

Would you mind not going around

the house dressed like that?

- Like this?

- Yes, like that. And not just that.

A lot of what you wear,

you look very... pert.

I have to live here too and

I wouldn't want to, you know.

What?

To f... f...

to confuse the situation!

Like nothing too revealing

or too tight?

Tight and revealing,

that's fine.

It's like this kind

of thing.

Whether you know it or not,

it's a turn-on.

Or like this

for God's sake.

That's a turn-on?

Are you kidding? You look incredible

in this. Just don't wear it.

How 'bout

this old thing?

No!

Especially not that.

Out of fairness, is there anything

I wear that you prefer I didn't?

No.

- Moseby sure is pumped

about meeting Gwen's dad.

I know.

If I get through this reception,

everything's gonna fall into place.

The promotion, Becky,

the whole ball of string.

- You think you're gonna

pull this thing off?

Me? Her. Gwen!

She'll pull this off.

She's some kind of a genius.

But I want to do something for her

after Becky and I are married.

Hell, she's been

kicked around so much.

- Gentlemen, welcome to the Budapest.

- I don't want to eat here.

- Why? What's wrong?

- Gwen.

Gwen? Oh, beautiful Gwen!

Where is she?

You can tell Gwen that she can come back

anytime. She's always fun for me.

You son-of-a-b*tch! Taking advantage

of a sweet girl like that.

I'll see you

back at the office.

Jesus Christ!

Somebody call the cops.

- Call the cops for him.

- What are you talking about?

I'm talking about what

your boss did to Gwen Dunckle.

Huh?

Or Buckley, rather.

Gwen?

You mean Gwen Phillips?

Phillips?

Okay, yeah.

- He knows where is Gwen?

- Funny you should ask.

You're the one who raised the rent.

"Put out or get out."

- Karol did? That's hard to believe.

- Why?

Karol doesn't own the apartment

and she would have told me.

I've known Gwen

since Toledo.

What's that babe

up to?

You know Gwen?

Hi.

- Look what Aunt Millie

and Uncle Hughie sent.

Nice.

Bumped into Patty today.

- Who?

- Waitress at the Budapest?

You might not remember her though she was

a good friend. She helped you get your job.

You lived in the same foster home

in Toledo for almost four years.

She was offended that you didn't call

her after your boss busted in on you.

Imagine his surprise when I dropped in at

the restaurant and punched him in the face!

- You did that?

- Oh, yes.

You punched Karol in the face

just for me?

I punched a totally

innocent Hungarian!

I know, but still no one's ever done

anything like that for me before.

You lied to me.

Nothing new, I realize.

But just for the record,

you lied about having

no place to go, didn't you?

This whole thing has been one big

put-on. Everything with you is a fake.

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