How High Page #3

orientation at, anyway?

Yeah!

- What the f*** was that?

-Jesus!

If I can pull off six years

at a community college,

I know I can

get at least 1 2 years

up in this motherf***er.

Yo, how much

of that Ivory sh*t

we got anyway?

We limited, all right?

We gonna have to

split this sh*t up.

You know what I'm sayin'?

We only blaze at test times.

What, no wake and bake?

Got other stuff for that.

Okay.

Bart!

Remember those artifacts

that I found this summer?

Well, I was right!

They are Ben Franklin's!

Great!

Did you figure out

where you wanna

eat dinner tonight?

Dinner? Bart, you know,

some of these things are--

They look like

earlier inventions,

and if I can discover

what these are,

it could be the greatest find

in the history of

anyone attending Harvard.

I love

Ben Franklin, girl,

and I could listen to you talk

about his stinkin' ass all day long.

Excuse me?

Oh, do anybody know where

the financial aid office is?

Well, my man,

let me think.

See that statue right there?

It's beautiful, isn't it?

That statue is in the likeness

of my great granddaddy Dooster,

so I'm guessin'

that would be

the Dooster House--

the financial aid office.

Gee, I don't think I've ever met anyone

who actually needed to go there.

All we did was come over

for directions.

If we came over here

and asked if anybody needed

their ass kicked,

you wouldn't sound

so f***in' smug, now would you?

My bad, bro.

We got off on the wrong foot.

Let's start over.

I'm Bart.

Yeah, I'm Jamal.

Well, my friend, this is crew,

but don't even think about it.

You don't look like

you could hang, Jamaine.

The name's Jamal,

and I'll f*** your crew up.

Who are they?

Who are they, goddamn it?

It's rowing, Jimmy Jam.

Well, Bart-fart,

you got skills in it?

I'm captain

of the team.

If you can do it,

I can do it, sucker.

Right, goddamn it!

This isn't basketball,

J. Rock.

I train all year round

for three seasons to make

number one in single sculls.

You about to be number two,

'cause I'm signin' up, buddy.

Well, practice starts

tomorrow at 6?00 a.m.,

all right?

Fine! I don't mind

cutting my evening short

to be there.

As dean of freshmen,

I have welcomed students

from all over the world.

From Korea, from Rome...

Istanbul.

Students enter Harvard

with a variety of goals.

Excuse me.

Are we in the right place?

-Anyone? Anyone? Anyone?

- You? You?

Uh, as I was saying,

Harvard isn't for everyone.

Oh, sh*t.

We got a black man

for a teacher.

That's what I'm talkin'bout.

What's up, bro? Hallo.

We straight, dog.

We straight.

- As I was saying--

- What's wrong with this ass?

He probably been locked up

more times than me

and your ass put together.

Getim!

No green Jimmy the Cricket

suit-wearin' ass motherf***er.

Getim!

No short Colin Powell haircut,

havin'-ass motherf***er.

Getim!

Little Angela Davis moustache...

wearin-ass motherf***er!

Getim!

You ol' Richard Pryor shortcut,

fade-havin-around-the-side

wearin motherf***er!

You little Sammy Davis

Award Junior afro-haircut-

havin-ass motherf***er!

Geti m!

You I ittle dynamite Disco Danny

double-statin'--

Getim!

You little dog-with-a-haircut--

Gentlemen!

If you don't mind,

I'd like you to sit down.

I would like to continue.

Excuse me.

Excuse me. Watch your toes.

Watch the colon. Excuse me.

Thank you for your...

entertaining anecdotes.

We here at Harvard

are rooted in tradition.

F*** is this?

- That's toilet water.

-

It's a part of my pledge.

Do you guys mind?

No, but do you mind

talkin' that way?

'Cause your breath smell like

straight ass-crack, bro.

Isn't there a hip-hop convention

you two should be at

or something?

- Oh, shark has fangs!

- Oh! Word. Hey, go easy on him.

We probably

the only blackheads he seen

since he looked in the mirror.

Can you guys just show

a little respect? Jeez!

- This class is f***in' boring.

I'm outta here!

- Uh, excuse me.

Did I hear you say something?

With all due respect,

suck my dick.

No, sir,

I'm not saying anything.

It-- It's these guys.

- You're an a**hole.

- Did you call me an a**hole?

- No, I said idiot.

- An idiot?

No, sir.

What did you say?

- I said that this school

has nice halls.

- This is not funny.

You couldn't teach your way

out of kindergarten class, Dean.

I think we've had enough

interruptions for today.

I think you should leave!

Sir--

This would never have happened

if I were black.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Better pull back

on those pedals, boy.

Why?

Maximum speed on campus

is 15 M.P.H.'s.

M.P.H.'s?

Fifty bucks?

Oh, man, I can't pay this.

Well.

This isn't even

a real ticket.

It's a student citation.

I'm a volunteer.

You need to pay that

by Friday at 5:
00--

That was uncalled for.

Eat me.

You just earned yourself

another citation.

F*** off!

Well, well, well.

Look who we have here.

Damn, this bike phat as hell!

Whoa! Don't touch!

All right, leave the bike alone.

Did you just call me fat?

And what is that stench?

That's my cologne

Can only buy it from Mennen.

I don't know what that is.

Forewarning, gentlemen:

You better watch your mouths

and your behind.

See, I'm lookin' for the ecstasy.

I'm lookin' for the pot.

Oh, yeah.

I'm lookin' for those shrooms.

Sh*t, we lookin'

for that sh*t too!

What are you talkin' about?

Same thing you talkin' about.

What are we talkin' about?

Look, Gerald.

Either your holdin',

or go to your little roadster

and move the f*** on, okay?

It's Volunteer Officer Pickelstein,

and I am watching you.

Oh, I'm watching you--

like a hawk.

Like a hawk!

Somebody needs a hug.

Don't worry, baby.

You can suck my dick

after class.

Oh! Wow!

Oh, she wants me.

Welcome to Lovell House.

You look funky fresh,

and funky fresh...

always likes

funky fresh women.

Amir:
Professional student/

resident advisor for you.

And professional player.

So, what's mine is yours,

and what's yours

I've probably already had.

You and you and me,

we're the same:
Africa tan.

- The original man

was like us, man.

- Whatever, nigga.

I believe in the Fly Club,

its traditions and its ideals.

I believe in the-- Excuse me.

Do you have to play that loud?

- I'm trying to study

my pledge book.

- This Niggas With Attitude.

If you smart, you

tell people you love NWA.

They think you cool.

A coupla notes

get you hogtied and roped

Dope like guns

Why you wear smelly eggs?

These eggs

are a part of my pledging.

I am getting thousands

of lifetime connections here.

I'm gonna be

a part of a fraternity.

Hey, hey, hey!

What's up?

What's up?

Oh, God.

One glove, my brothers!

I am Tuan, child prodigy.

Well, I'm Jamal,

a pothead.

Silas, entrepre-Negro.

Jamal! Oh!

Fresh gear, man!

You like?

I designed it myself.

I call it "BF. "

- BUFU.

- Oh, no. Not you two!

Pink-ass Paul Bunyan

plaid-p*ssy-shirt-wearin--

Man, I'll f*** your ass up.

Shut up.

Okay, but if you two

are our roommates, who's that?

That's I Need Money!

Rate this script:2.0 / 1 vote