How High Page #9

You're gonna have to study

on your own. Damn, they can't

hear me or see me. Tellem!

Well, you know, someone else

was breakin' in here,

so I caught them

and you can give me a reward,

like more of the plant.

Man, we ain't got no more

goddamn plant!

Hoggin' all the good sh*t.

- Wait. Ivory here?

- Yeah, maybe.

- Repeat after me.

- Repeat after me.

Yo, dog.

Yo, zog.

- Dog.

- og.

You idiot.

You idiot!

I'm disappearin'.

I'm disappearing.

- What?

- What?

- What?

- What?

- What?

This reminds me

of my lab back at the crib.

I have some of the same stuff.

How'd you get that?

- I stole it.

- Just place them

on the wall there.

Um, well, well, well.

Never thought

I'd find you two ghetto asses

up in here studying.

- Ghetto asses?

- Oh, did I say that?

Oh, it must be the effects

of the brownies you sent me.

They must still be in my system.

Lauren,

how's the project coming?

Fine. As a matter of fact,

I'm going to check on that

right now.

- You know, I got to go.

- No, no, no, no, no.

- You know, I got to go.

- No, no, no, no, no.

Yo, Dean.

Yo, why you gotta be a hater?

Oh, yes, I'm a hater.

I hate pot-smoking punks...

that think that everything

should just be given to them.

You two are an absolute disgrace

to this university.

Yo, Dean, man,

what are those?

Oh, these.

These are invitations

to the alumni celebration...

in which the vice president

will be attending...

and Lauren will be unveiling her

Benjamin Franklin experiment.

Certain students will be invited--

those that pass their finals.

For real?

But you won't pass

your finals.

You'll fail, and then I'll have you out

of my hair and out of Harvard.

Happy studying, gentlemen.

F***!

I'm trying to do my thing.

It's pimpin' over here.

- Baby Powder, when you gonna

pay us our money?

- I got a $25 money order--

$25?

Money order?

- That you b*tches can split.

- Who you callin' a b*tch, b*tch?

Come on with it.

I got you.

- If it ain't Rice Puff Daddy.

- No, no, Powder. That's Run M.S.G.

- Hey, what you listening to, brother?

- Wu-Tang.

Wu-Tang. Wu-Tang.

I came to bring the pain

Hardcore to the brain

Dollar, dollar bill, y'all

We don't listen

to that Chinese sh*t.

We do this. This what we do.

Oh, you can't dance!

You need to sit down.

Mm-mm.

I'm gonna round them

motherfuckin' almond eyes

of yours out, understand me?

Hold on, Powder.

Let's not get ignant.

Maybe he just came here

to pay our money.

No, actually,

I come for your girls.

Ooh!

Actually,

you gonna come back and give me

them two duck sauces your mama--

Let me get my switchblade out.

Let me get my blade.

-

- Ooh, sh*t!

Come on, b*tch.

Man, it was two egg rolls,

It wasn't duck sauce.

-

-

Ooh!

Ooh! Ow!

Who the b*tch now, b*tch?

B*tch!

I need to slap

my goddamn self for that.

Pimps go through this kind

of sh*t from time to time.

Mm.

Yes, Dean Cain here.

Yes, I did receive them.

As a matter of fact,

I was just going over Silas

and Jamal's grades...

and I see they're all F's.

Yes. I agree.

Very sad. Very sad indeed.

Yes.

Well, I'll speak to you later.

Bye-bye.

Yes, yes, yes!

Ah!

Hey!

Dean Cain expects us

off campus by Monday.

It went that bad

in botany class?

Kid lost

about 1 5 pounds of fluid.

And that

was just from the mouth.

And I'm still below a 2.0.

Man, we gonna get

kicked the f*** out this school.

Maybe I can go back

to being your manager...

and you strip at that club again

like you used to.

No, we can't give up.

You can't let the dean win.

Did Commander Riker give up

when the Borg infiltrated

the Starship Enterprise...

and Captain Picard came back

all half robot?

The Borgs? They're here!

Oh, God, run for your life!

Oh!

My point is that you two--

My point is

shut the f*** up!

It's over.

And we out of here.

Wash my hands.

Silas, man, you can't give up.

If you get this

botany grade changed,

they have to keep you.

My-- Yeah, my truth serum.

Yeah.

I gotta fix it. Yo!

That's right.

Yo, yo

Here's your coffee.

Nausea.

Ah, Bart.

Nice to see you.

Listen.

I think I have a solution

to your little problem.

Oh, no. I already got

the prescription filled.

Zing!

Not that problem.

I'm talking about the boys.

Those rejects

have been rejected.

Yo, Dean Cain, look who's back!

Holler.

- Dean, what a surprise.

Look who's here.

- How exciting.

Guys, we weren't expecting you,

but you're right on time.

Let's go meet

the next likely leader

of the free world.

What are you two doing here?

Couldn't have my future ex-wife

show up to some bigwig event...

without her daddy on her arms.

Ain't that right, baby?

Right, Daddy.

Old friends, fellow alums,

it's wonderful

being back here at Harvard...

where I get to see

my beautiful daughter.

Hi.

Hi, Daddy. Daddy.

Mm-hmm.

This is Jamal.

Jamal, this is my dad.

Ah, hello, Jamal.

Mr. President.

And I call you Mr. President

'cause I know you gonna

rock this election.

I hope you're right, son.

Uh-oh, camera.

All right, Ivory.

This is the last of you.

Do your stuff.

Ha!

Oh, hey, hey, hey, Professor.

What's going on?

Nice to see you again.

Listen. Tonight,

I got a feeling you gonna

see my experiment work.

I hope we don't have

to pass out any barf bags.

Don't even worry about that.

See, I found my secret ingredient.

By adding a little bit

of chro-- cannabis,

I was able

to counteract the nausea.

I'm proud of you.

Thank you, Professor.

Thank you, man.

- I actually feel wonderful.

- Isn't he great, Daddy?

Yeah.

Yeah.

He's great.

He's great.

- Good service.

- Hey, Jamie.

Here's your dad

after a frat party.

We don't want the dean

to get his panties in a bunch.

He might want to spank us!

Oh, sit down.

Wait a minute. I know

you all two ain't over here

playin' grab ass...

while I'm entertainin'

my future vanilla villa

father over there, are you?

Yeah, oh, yeah!

Yeah?

Man, look, man. The serum

workin', man. They hot, dog.

Look! Hey, man, look.

I got somethin' to tell you.

Man, I been pinchin'

your weed off.

What you tellin' me for?

Damn.

I don't know. I guess

it's that new serum, man.

I'm sorry, man.

That's okay.

Don't even worry about it.

No, it ain't all right, man.

Yo, I been takin' your CDs.

I been usin' your weed pipes.

I even been lookin' at Lauren's

ass a couple of times, man.

Whoa!

She's fine, and if she gave

me the chance, I would wax that

ass till she show me what she--

Whoa, whoa!

Hold up.

Jamal, I will take that

as a compliment.

Thank you.

Thank you.

We all know that Harvard

has been honored to host...

some of Benjamin Franklin's

artifacts, which I personally found.

Like this cannon-like

article back here.

Now later you can take note

of the foot-operated carburetor,

the reservoir

and the top-loading bud bowl.

Ladies and gentlemen,

Harvard is now...

the proud owner

of America's first... bong.

A bong?

This is, this is outrageous!

If Benjamin Franklin

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