How Much Does the Trojan Horse Weigh?

---

present, co-funded by

the Polish Institute of Film Art,

a Juliusz Machulski film

HOW MUCH:

THE TROJAN HORSE WEIGHS?

Starring

Passenger Zosia Radecka...

- Where's Ticket Office 10?

- Ticket-Sales Point 3.

Repeat Passenger Radecka, age 40...

It's me.

- Excuse me?

- They're paging my name.

Age 40?

- Excuse me?

- Are you 40?

- None of your business.

- Today's your birthday!

A surprise for you

on behalf of the airport.

Blow them out, please.

You kidding?

May she live

to be a hundred...

Costume Designer

Makeup

Sound

Music

Edited by

Production Managers

Kuba!

Executive Producer

Florka? Kuba!

Coproducers

Director of Photography

Producer

To be quite blunt?

It's no good.

I can't take it any more.

We must change the bedroom

or move out altogether.

May she live

to be a hundred...

We made a deal:

not this birthday!

- Mom...

- Thank you.

Beautiful!

No need to make breakfast.

- Well then...

- What?

- Is it different?

- From what?

- Yesterday.

- No, it's not.

But let's not talk

about it, please.

Not about my age.

When I was your age,

...my today's seemed ancient.

- And it's not?

No. Every day in every way

mom's getting better and better.

When I turned 20, I promised myself

to go to Paris on this birthday,

and jump off the Eiffel Tower.

But then I jump after you,

and take you to the restaurant

on the top floor.

- That's where James Bond landed?

- Exactly.

And what's its name?

- Jules Verne.

- Jules Verne.

- You couldn't've managed.

- Me?

You have to book a table

there half a year earlier.

I know the matre d'.

He'd squeeze us in.

- What's his name?

- Jules Verne.

You local idiot,

the local moron said,

would you like to see

a blockbuster with me?

The local cretin replied,

With pleasure,

since I'm in love with

you in some measure.

- I can't stand it. Stop or I'll puke.

- You hate the poet Tuwim.

Dad, how much did

the Trojan horse weigh?

- Empty or with the crew inside?

- Oh, gosh...

That's what we need.

Gerberas? I never like

them or trucks either.

It's no truck

but a Hummer.

Good.

I got to hang up.

I'm happy to have found you.

Zosia, many happy

returns of the day.

What a murderous memory?

I wish you... since

you've found happiness...

...good health,

which guarantees everything.

- Thank you.

- Here you are.

Hi, Kuba!

How pale you are.

You should go out

and get suntanned.

- Sure. Hi, Darek.

- Hi, Dad.

A bit in a hurry...

Thanks for the flowers.

You shouldn't have bothered

so early in the morn.

I've just come to take her.

Where's hello to Daddy?

Grandma's dying to see you.

You'll even stay overnight.

Can't Grandma put that off?

I can't tomorrow -

going hunting.

I put the hunt off especially

to give you best wishes.

How lucky I am.

Thanks.

You can always call

me to make a date.

A permission for an audience.

I misbehaved as usual.

I'll drive with Dad,

but you'll collect me, yes?

Sure.

- And I'll tell him...

- No. It's not the right time.

By the way can I take

the antlers back?

Great. They're ready.

I'll fetch them.

- Well, how's school?

- It's holidays.

Got good grades? The 5th grade

is no piece of cake.

- I'm in the 6th.

- How time flies...

Yeah.

- Zosia, how about a comeback?

- Excuse me?

We make such a beautiful family.

Would you like Dad to remarry Mom?

- Mom's has a husband already.

- You've made a nest in my house.

Excuse me?

A nest in your house?

- Kuba and I paid you off long ago.

- Yes, you did to build a nest.

Thanks. They're changing

the mains. High time.

- So... let's go.

- Good bye.

And it's gonna drag...

So many years after the divorce,

as if we were still bound.

- You are.

- With what?

Florka.

Dad, I got to tell you

something important.

First, let me see if they're

putting the mains right.

I'm awfully sorry for

my former life,

for not having met you earlier,

that Florka's not your daughter,

but must be shared

with her ex father.

You think that our natural daughter

would be finer?

Since I live with Kuba

and he brings me up,

I'd like my name

to be Albrecht-Radecka.

You're stabbing me

in the heart!

I also bring you up...

- What happened?

- Hey, you alive, mister?

I swear I've never...

And into the pit

with those antlers!

I wish he'd broken his neck.

He might've broken his leg

trying to save the antlers.

So the name change

is out of the question?

Florka asked Darek to agree

to change her name to Radecka?

Not to change,

but to add to Albrecht.

She's going to high school.

Kuba's familiar to TV viewers.

So she wouldn't like to explain

why her name's different.

Her name would be

Albrecht after Darek

plus Radecka after Kuba.

When she told him that,

he fell into the pit.

You're proof that God or at least

Providence exists.

Me? Why?

You freed yourself from a tyrant

husband, met a super guy

whom your daughter

adores more than her dad.

- What happened to your eye?

- Nothing.

- I bumped against the cabinet.

- He did it again?

- You should have him...

- Nobody did anything.

Away with this number!

Outta here.

- Bye.

- Bye darling.

Hold your own on this birthday.

See you at work Monday.

Happy New Year. Bye.

That SOB batters her.

Unbelievable.

Wife beater.

And they could never

have met.

I remember the day

he came to our Dean's office.

Isn't your name day

today, Zosia?

Must be, because it's today.

I must've... gotten lost.

I'm looking for

the Sociology Dept. office.

- It's two blocks away from here.

- I'll walk there with you.

You are having a class

and will be late.

No big deal

if I come late.

And she fell into the trap.

How come you remember

when it happened?

- I have a good episodic memory.

- What?!

Concerned with my own

experiences.

Hi, Grandma.

B. November 11, 1918,

died a tragic death May 17, 1987

a. k. a. Wasp,

the Home Army soldier

So... I've turned 40.

I sometimes miss you badly.

Thank you for everything,

as I know you're watching

over me all the time.

I wish Florka had

gotten to know you

and you had met Kuba.

How much does

the Trojan horse weigh?

There was an English

version. Sold out now.

Forty?

- How do you know?

- Excuse me?

- My age's none of your business.

- I meant the price in zloty.

Oh, I'm awfully sorry.

Must be an obsession.

What an encounter!

- What're you doing tonight?

- It depends...

- What's this tube?

- Surprise.

I have one for you too,

but must water flowers first.

- Will you come along?

- Water flowers?

- What flowers?

- Jacek asked me.

He's left for two weeks.

Posh, isn't it.

- You like it?

- You're asking?

He lives the life of Reilly.

How much is it?

No idea. A big bundle.

You really would like

to live in an old brownstone?

With you?

Even under the bridge.

Under the bridge?

I like open spaces

and a thrill of emotion.

Water flowers?

Where's the furniture?

Zosia, I've cheated

you a bit.

Kuba!

What?

Your birthday present

from me.

Good heavens...

You had the money?

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