How To Deal Page #3

Does that sound crazy?

This was a bad idea.

Yeah, but dying is definitely

not one of the better concepts.

No, the dress. Everyone's

looking at me like I'm a freak.

Okay, it's not for them.

It's for Michael.

Remember that.

Can you believe

what she's wearing?

That's, like, so disrespectful.

She always has to have

all the attention to herself.

'Although it droop

and die that night,

it was the plant

and flower of light.

In small proportions,

we just beauty see.

And in short measures,

life may perfect be.

Mr. Macon Forrester

will now address us.

I was gonna read from this...

but I'm not very good at reading.

Or writing...

or spelling.

Not like Michael.

He was good at so many things

without even trying.

He taught me how to be myself.

By myself.

Not to worry

about what other people think.

Even if that means

being completely uncool.

He taught me about

how to trust people.

And how to love.

'Cause he was so good.

He loved his family,

he loved his friends.

He loved basketball.

And he loved Scarlett.

And he loved this.

Take this woman, Lorna Queen,

to be your lawful wedded wife,

your partner, the queen

of your heart, forever and ever?

Yeah!

Daddy, rock on

with your woman!

And do you,

Lorna P. Queen,

take this old guy Len to be

your lawfully wedded husband

for all the rest of your days?

I do.

Wrap it up.

We're off in 15 seconds. Go.

Our airtime is almost up.

We must now go

where Federal regulations

will not allow you to follow,

if you know what I mean.

Lewis, no barking.

Sorry, but you gotta go.

Poor little thing.

I know just how it feels.

Out with the old,

in with the new.

And who do you think you are?

Just because

you've got great petals.

My God.

I'm talking to my plants.

My God.

You're talking to your plants.

How was it?

It was great...

if you happen to be the Devil

and enjoy human pain.

Tell me something.

I don't know!

What do you want me to tell you?

Wait! No, the bimbo

almost died of strangulation.

I cannot believe I forgot to tell you.

Her wedding veil took on

a life of its own and rebelled,

and she had to claw

her way out.

And you know

that woman can claw.

It was so sad.

It was like...

near death by wedding veil.

Just tragic, isn't it?

My God!

And their vows?

Was Dad that much a loser

when you guys got married?

I'm sorry.

Your father's not a loser.

Although he did choose

to look like one at our wedding, too.

He insisted on wearing

a powder-blue tuxedo.

Then why do people

get married, anyways?

We know

they're lying to each other,

but are they lying

to themselves, too?

How can you promise you're

gonna feel the same way forever?

Things do

sometimes change, Halley.

This house is awfully big for just

the two of us, don't you think?

What?

- You'll be going to college soon.

Mom... a year and 3/4

is not really that soon.

I want to start thinking

about streamlining.

Maybe we should

sell the house.

I grew up in this house.

Yes, and there have been

some great memories in this house.

This is my house.

I understand how you

must feel, but life changes.

This is ridiculous, Mom!

Come on!

And I don't want to live here alone.

I have to give him a ride.

Bye, Halley.

Stand back!

Leaf man to the rescue.

Where did you get that?

A guy's gotta pay for gas

and bacon burgers somehow, right?

And toys, 'cause I imagine

Star Wars figurines

must get pretty expensive.

I do not have

any Star Wars figurines.

Not many,

and I don't play with them... much.

This one's on the house.

Okay.

Here you go.

You're afraid to go out with me

because you might like me?

No, but that's

a good theory, I guess,

if you want to protect

your fragile male ego.

'Cause you can't handle rejection.

Rejection? Whatever!

Of course you think it's weird

that I didn't just use the phone,

but you're also glad because

it's much better to talk in person.

Especially when I've come

with such a specific purpose.

Which is why you're

gonna cut me some slack.

You are absolutely crazy.

I've been called worse.

You're gonna kiss me, Halley.

You're gonna come a little closer...

so I can put

my arms around you.

And on the count of three...

two...

one.

You're a really good kisser.

You tricked me.

You Jedi mind-tricked me.

Halley, is that you out there?

Close your eyes. Go to bed.

Give me a break.

- Who are you talking to?

I'm sorry, I...

Sorry.

I just... I needed to talk.

I was just coming over

for a little late-night chat.

We're not gonna

stay up very late, okay?

At least do it inside.

'Nausea'?

A little.

'Breast tenderness'?

Yeah. Major.

'Food cravings'?

Grapefruit.

Come on, I could answer 'yes'

to most of these questions, too.

I used to hate grapefruit.

What's wrong?

No offense, Halley, but...

your perfume is making me sick.

Come on, I'm not

wearing perfume. I use soap.

'Heightened sense of smell. '

Okay, so do you prefer

direct pee-on-a-strip

or dip-in-a-cup?

Maybe it's a false reading.

Because I have heard

of things such as false readings.

And the strips did not

look completely pink,

only kind of pinkish, so...

Five kits, Halley.

What am I gonna do?

So you take the car

without my permission

in the middle of the night

on some kind of joy ride.

It wasn't a joy ride.

- Maybe I should...

Don't think you're off the hook.

You don't even have your license,

and you are a terrible driver.

I was helping Scarlett get

some books at school... we left them...

Forget it, Halley!

Mom...

taking your car out

is gonna seem like the least of it...

because whatever

you're thinking right now...

it's worse.

One of you better tell me

before I have a nervous breakdown.

I'm pregnant.

Well, thank God

you told me in time.

Shouldn't I be getting paid

to wear a dress this ugly?

I'm sorry if you hate my taste

and you think it's so awful

you have to be in my wedding,

but you are my sister.

It's an emotional time.

- All right. I was just joking.

Just because you think up something

you think is funny, doesn't mean you say it.

Okay, Ashley,

I'm sorry, all right?

It's just...

I love the dress, really.

I feel like a princess.

You know?

I look awful.

We'll fix it.

It's not the dress

that needs fixing.

It's me.

Ashley, would you

drive Halley home?

I have to get back to work.

Give me my money back,

you stupid, lying, feckless,

two-timing son of a b*tch!

Can I help you, ma'am?

It stole my money, so, just...

Here.

This works

a little better sometimes.

What's your pleasure?

- Diet Coke sounds good.

The last one.

On me.

I hope I didn't,

you know, kick it too...

I think these machines are built

to withstand a good booting

every now and then.

Steve Beckwith.

- Lydia Martin.

Did I say 'Martin'?

It's Lydia Williams now.

Lydia Williams again.

- Williams, again?

Nice to meet you.

Thank you.

Aren't you gonna wear lipstick?

You sound like Mom.

Can one of you zip me, please?

You guys know you're

wearing the same dress, right?

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