How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days Page #8

Thank you for understanding.

I love you, Binky...

but I don't have to

like you right now.

Thank you, Andie.

Ah, damn it!

S- S-Sh*t!

If you're really going

to commit to this,

you're going to have

to open up...

- Yeah.

... and dig deep.

Okay.

Bare that beautiful soul.

Let me see your teeth.

Andie Anderson.

Benjamin Barry.

Please come in.

Hi, welcome.

Before we get started,

how are you planning on paying

for the session?

Sweetie?

How much is it?

$300.

$300?

Mm-hmm.

Whatever it takes, yeah.

So, tell me,

how long have you guys

been seeing each other?

Seven days.

Seven days.

Interesting.

Is it too soon

to be seeing a therapist?

Well, Ben,

seven days isn't like

a lifetime, or anything,

- It's like a week.

- It...

Did you hear that tone?

How can we not have

a gulf between us

with a tone like that?

How are things

between you sexually?

Oh!

Ooh-ooh.

No, no...

- we haven't had sex.

- Oh, no.

Ben has a little, bitty problem.

- I don't have a problem.

- Oh.

Yes, you do.

- No, I do not have a problem.

- Yeah.

It's a big problem.

- I do not have a problem.

- You have a problem.

Look, look, look, wait a minute.

The one night that we even

thought about

getting close to having sex,

all right, she up and decides

she's going to nickname my...

Penis?

Yeah. "Princess Sophia. " Ha!

You want to talk about

shooting a man's horse?

Whop! Come on!

I thought it was

a beautiful name.

Hmm, I see, Benjamin.

And when was it

that you first realized

that you were attracted

to other men?

- What?

- Oh, that's serious.

Hmm.

Benjamin, this is a safe space.

Look, it's just simple...

I like women, okay?

It just happened that way.

Methinks thou doth

- protesth too much.

You see? Stop it.

This is the sh*t

I'm talking about.

What the hell was that?

Whoa, whoa.

What did I do?

I mean, this is what she does.

Stop that!

You know, I'm hearing a lot

of latent anger here, Benjamin.

Rage-o-holic.

I'm not a rage-o-holic!

- I called that one.

- Stop...

You know what...

take a deep breath for me, Ben.

Okay, and let it go.

Just let it go.

Yeah.

Yeah. I feel better.

Okay. Come here.

I've seen this before.

- I've seen it many times.

- Yeah?

Yeah.

Whoo, would you two

like to be left alone?

No.

Maybe you should get a room.

You are hitting

on our shrink!

- No, I'm not.

- Yes, you are!

No, I'm not.

And you are

a pathological flirt!

Jesus, five seconds ago,

I'm gay.

Now I'm a pathological flirt?

I sweat when I get nervous.

Which one is it, Andie?

And besides,

why would I need to hit

on another woman?

You've got more than

enough personalities

to keep me completely occupied.

That was hurtful.

Okay, Ben.

Are you ashamed of Andie?

- Of course he is!

- I'm not ashamed.

Of course he is.

You are!

I'm not ashamed.

How do you think

that makes me feel?

I'm not ashamed of you.

It's like, when I talked

to his mother...

he freaked out.

No, see, you-you did that

behind my back.

She did it behind my back.

I just wanted to say "hi. "

Andie, you want to talk

to my mother?

Y- You want to talk to my mother?

Talk to my mother.

Hey, you want to talk

to the whole family?

You can talk

to the whole family.

Hell, we can go to Staten

Island, spend the weekend

with them, Andie.

Now, that is

a positive idea, Ben.

It... it is?

How about it, Andie?

What?

Would you like to go

to Staten Island?

Uncle Ben, hi!

Thanks.

Yes, ma'am.

Hey, Mom, Pop,

we're here.

Yeah, bullshit!

Who's that handsome guy?

That's my dad when

he was an ensign in the Navy.

He got stationed here

about ten years ago.

- Bullshit!

- Uh-oh.

Hey, darling.

Hey, sweetie.

How you doing?

I'm glad to see you.

Good. Perfect timing.

You know who this is?

I do, and I need you

to check the baby,

see if he needs changing.

I know who that is.

- Hi.

- Hi, Andie, I'm so happy

to have you here in the flesh.

You're just as pretty

as you sound on the telephone.

Glenda!

I'm coming!

Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.

Excuse me.

Show her upstairs, okay, hon?

Oh, yeah.

And this is Joey, Jr.

Bullshit!

And the whole family suffers

from Tourette's.

I hope that's not a problem.

You're so handsome.

Joey, he suffers

from being a stinky rose.

We're going to go get you

cleaned up, sir.

Go on out back.

Have a good time.

Okay.

Ooh!

Got you.

Okay!

You're it.

He got you.

Oh...

Uncle Arnold says

he's got three kings.

Yeah, right.

Okay, Uncle Arnold.

Now, dare I say it, or not?

I'm just going to say it.

Okay, I'm going to say it...

bullshit!

Hi.

- Honey?

- Oh, wow.

Andie.

Whoa, ho, whoa, well, well!

Come on out here, Andie.

- Meet everybody.

- Okay.

I want you to meet

Ben's father, Jack.

- Well, hello.

- Hi.

Welcome to our humble abode.

This is Andie, Jack.

Oh, thank you.

Nice to meet you.

And this is our Uncle Arnold.

- Hi, Uncle Arnold.

- Oh, hi, good morning.

This is Andie.

You got to watch him.

He farts like a howitzer,

but he's family,

so what are you going to do?

Intestinal complications.

Yeah, right, Arnold. Prunes.

Did you meet Joey?

A female Andy.

L- E.

Nice to meet you.

Okay, here we go now.

The game is Bullshit,

and you are just in time

for the lightning round,

my dear.

I don't really know how to play.

Well, we're going to teach

you how. It's very simple.

Trick is to get rid

of all the cards

in your hand, all right?

So I'm going

to look in my hand,

and I'm going to see

what I've got here.

And, well, do you know?

I've got two aces here.

Well, two aces.

What do you say to that?

What are you

going to say?

- I say bullshit.

- Mm-hmm.

What did she say?

I didn't quite hear.

Did you guys...?

I didn't hear what she said.

What did you say?

I said bullshit!

All right!

Well, she knows how

to play the game,

Yes, sir.

Hey, big daddy,

come to Papa.

Get on over there, big man.

Slick as a whistle.

How you doing, Unc?

Hi, Ben.

- That's my grandson.

- Pop.

Hey, how you doing, buddy?

Got a game of Bullshit

going here?

A little game of Bullshit.

Want to join us?

Good luck.

What'd you leave me with, Joe?

Look at the expert here.

Okay, now, we went

through the deck.

We're going to start

at the beginning now.

So we go to twos.

Let's see, now.

I've got myself one deuce here.

Bullshit.

Whoa!

Bullshit, Pop.

He's a human lie detector,

isn't he?

Try this, son:

Two threes.

Mm-hmm.

One four.

Three fives.

Bullshit.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

You see whose name's on top

of the board over there?

Yes, it says "Ben,"

with a star next to it.

You still want to bullshit me?

God, you must be so proud.

I'm doing my best.

What do we got?

Yes.

- Did I b-b-bullshit?

- Got, uh...

No, I told the truth.

Three fives.

He's good. He's the champ.

All right, all right.

Lighten up on me, Jim.

What am I?

Sixes to you.

One six.

One six, all right.

Whoa, look at what I got here.

You see, the key to this game

is being able to read people.

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