How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days Page #7

'cause I got to go in to work.

That's too bad, 'cause

I had tickets for tonight.

Tickets?

Tickets! Great tickets.

Front row seats,

right in the action.

I mean, you can smell...

the sweat.

I guess...

I...

I don't really have to.

Oh, why don't I

call Tony, and he can come

fill in for me, right?

Great.

Oh, yeah! Thank you.

Honey, you're more than welcome.

Yes!

Oh, look what time it is. Huh?

This is

a once-in-a-lifetime experience,

and I'm going

to share it with you.

Reaches up,

she brings it down.

It was the most

powerful thing

I've ever... seen.

And after all this,

he still didn't leave you?

Oh, I'm telling you,

this calls for drastic measures.

Come on, guys,

concentrate.

Are you being clingy?

Clingy, needy, whiny...

Baby talk?

Occasionally. I mean,

I could kick that up a notch.

I used to obsess

over Mike's old girlfriends.

Or better yet, talk about

all your old boyfriends.

It's good, it's good, it's good,

but it's not going

to crack this guy.

I mean, this is Defcon Five,

and I have

to do something

truly appalling...

it's not funny.

Look, I have to think

of something before tomorrow.

Wait, why not tonight?

Poker night. Boys' night out.

Oh, Mike used to have

a boys' night.

Boys' night? You're

giving him a boys' night?

They do it every week.

Before... he met... you.

What are you suggesting?

I think you know

what I'm suggesting.

- Feel lucky, boys?

- Yeah.

Gentle Ben, that's two bucks.

I'm feeling luckier than you.

Glad to not have to sit

through a Celine Dion concert.

That's what true love

is all about, my friend.

I fold.

All right, I'll see your two,

raise you fifty.

She's in love with you?

You kidding me?

She's planned the wedding.

Call.

All right, guys,

- read 'em and weep.

- Oh, sh*t.

Got ladies over fours, huh?

- Damn.

- Nothing.

I have a three and an ace.

It does not get

any better than this.

Look at that.

Bennykins, I'm home.

Hi, honey.

Hey, Andie.

She has a key?

Is that legal?

I wasn't expecting you.

How'd you get a... key?

Oh, honey, Francesco,

your super,

he made me a copy.

Francesco, huh?

Hmm. All right.

You're not mad, are you,

Benky Wenky?

- No, I'm not mad.

- You're not mad?

No, no, no, no, no.

I'm not mad, I'm not mad.

- Oh, good.

- You know the guys.

- Everybody, Tony, Clar, Francis.

- Oh, yes!

- Hey.

- Watch out!

Hi.

Tony, hi,

- Tony!

- Yeah!

- Ronald.

- Ronald.

Joe.

- Joe.

- Hey, Andie, guys.

I didn't mean to interrupt

your little game.

We got it, we got it.

We're all straightened out.

I brought some yummy snacks.

Snacks? Hmm.

The game is hold 'em.

Three up for company,

ante a dollar, please.

Oh, Tony.

Hmm?

- Yucky, yucky pizza.

- Oh.

- Yucky pizza.

- Oh, no.

Yummy, yummy,

cucumber sandwich.

Oh... oh.

- First card up is a nine.

- Thanks.

I'll take one.

Yeah. Sure, yeah.

Good boys. Good.

Here we go... get rid

of those over there.

Thank you very much.

- Three up, three up.

- I went a buck. You follow?

Look around the horn,

look around the horn,

look around the horn.

Ssss...

Thanks, Benny.

Thayer.

That means you, too, Thayer.

Oh, yeah.

All right,

everyone in for a buck.

Next card, five,

nines and fives,

nines and fives.

That's back to you, Tito.

Oh! Nine and a seven.

Go for the straight.

Hmm.

Round two.

Tone, the bone, you're up, man.

She told you my hand.

Peekaboo!

- Oh, hey.

- Hi!

Guys, are we going to play cards

here, or what's going on?

What game are we playing?

We're playing hold 'em?

All right,

I'm already maxed out.

We got a nine up, nine up, guys,

- nine up, nine up.

- Blow.

Blow.

Nobody likes a Mr. Sniffles.

I hate Mr. Sniffles.

Come on, stuffy head.

Good, good, good.

Ooh... white.

- Healthy boy.

- Good. Mm-hmm.

- Healthy.

- Hmm.

Tone, get your head

in the game. Please?

Oh, no.

Are we playing?

Oh, no!

Our love fern!

It's dead!

No, honey, it's just sleeping.

You let it die!

Are you going to let us die?

Hmm?

You should think about that.

What the hell's a love fern?

All right, guys,

let's try to get through

one hand.

Is she on something?

God, I hope so.

Hi.

Are you saying I'm some kind of

- mental person?!

- No, no, no, he wasn't...

Oh, Tony!

What? He was talking about...

- Come on.

- That's it!

- Andie.

- That is it!

I'm taking this love fern

with me.

Hang on.

Hey.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,

ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.

What just happened in there?

I'm going to go listen.

- Yeah.

- Quietly.

Look, this is getting

really creepy.

All right? You're acting

completely insane.

You know that?

Oh, so I am insane.

No, you're acting insane.

Shut up, Krull.

Oh, he is an innocent animal.

And he'll live, okay?

I'm talking to you.

I don't know

if I can be with somebody

who doesn't like animals

and thinks I'm a mental person.

That's what I'm talking about.

Where's the sexy, cool, fun,

smart, beautiful

Andie that I knew?

All right? The one who wanted

to be a serious journalist, huh?

You're up, you're down,

you're here, you're there.

You're like a freakin'

one-woman circus, Andie.

So I guess this means

we're over.

Yeah, I guess so.

Fine.

Fine.

Oh, finally.

- Ooh!

- Whoa!

It's over, man.

Oh, man, that's...

No, no, no, no, no.

- No, no, no.

- It is, man, it's over.

- Four days. Four days.

- Four more days!

Guys, you were here...

did you just witness

the one-woman homage

to The Exorcist?

You saw it, huh!

Yeah, I did.

I thought it was sexy.

Yeah.

It's not sexy.

- He's right, he's right.

- No, forget it.

So, do-do you think Spears

and Green are going to be

comfortable in

their new office?

Oh, absolutely. Sure.

- Maybe he's excited that

- Guys, stop.

He's going to be

selling Nerf footballs

- Hey, hey, hey!

- For the rest of his life!

He may get, like,

a really good douche campaign.

Hey, that's done!

What? What?

- Couples therapy.

- Of course!

What?

Every time my wife

wants to divorce me,

I suggest couples therapy.

It'll buy you

at least four days.

She-she hates him!

Therapy. Couples therapy.

Yeah, couples therapy.

Couples therapy!

- Couples therapy.

- Come on!

Couples therapy.

- Couples therapy.

- Couples therapy.

Couples therapy!

Whoa!

Ah!

Andie!

Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, listen.

Can you forgive me, sugar puss?

Look, I don't know what

I was thinking, all right?

I- I'm sorry.

I am way out of line, Andie.

Can you... can you give me

another chance?

Haven't you had enough?

Hey, look, I'm willing

to do anything.

Get up.

I'll do...

I'll do anything, Andie.

Get up.

Look, what do you think

about...?

What do you think about...

couples... therapy?

Couples therapy?

Couples therapy.

Look, Thayer up there,

he's got this doctor.

He says he's a hell of a guy.

No, I know a therapist

who will work wonders

with somebody like you,

Benjamin.

Yes, that's what I need.

I will call and schedule

an emergency session.

Baby, wh-whatever it takes.

Kiss.

Thank you, sweetheart.

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