How To Lose Friends & Alienate People Page #7

I can take her little spindly body

and snap her over my knee,

like a dry f***ing twig.

And for your information,

Sidney Young has more going for

him than anyone in this place.

It works, that's good.

Hey Alison.

I was wondering if...

Hey Alison I was wondering if you

wanted to see a movie or have a meal.

Wanna go on a date?

Might work.

Hello.

Hello Sidney.

I like your costume Vincent.

I'm not wearing a costume.

- Idiot.

- Wanker.

Ok, see you.

George Hamilton.

George Hamilton's not dead.

Isn't he? Ok.

I was looking for you actually.

There was something I

wanted to tell you.

Me first.

I wanted to ask if maybe

you wanted to go to a movie...

What?

I can't understand what

you're saying.

I just wanted to ask you

if, eh...

Back in a minute.

I wanted to tell you that...

Laurence has left his wife and we're

going to be together... officially.

That... that's just brilliant.

So maybe he does care after all

right?

I'm going to...

So Alison told you that

we were getting together right?

Yeah.

I should have did it long ago.

You know me, not very good at

expressing my emotions.

You should be happy

for her.

You being friends and all.

Oh, Sidney.

I thought as much.

You really think you and Alison...

Things really didn't go all

that well for me did they?

Ah well, give it your best shot.

Take the Westside highway please.

Wait.

Let me write the

profile on Vincent.

I don't think so.

You get complete copy approval,

it will be like you wrote it.

Vincent, think about it.

Think of how humiliating

it will be for me.

Please, I'm begging you.

You don't look like you're begging.

Westside Highway please.

Sit down Sidney.

Lawrence Maddox is no longer

working for Sharp's magazine.

Seems Elizabeth got tired of him

screwing around and kicked him out.

She kicked him out?

Richard Heywood doesn't seem to like

the idea of employing an ex-son-in-law

So he's gone.

So is Alison Olsen.

Don't worry about Maddox.

He's already got something lined

up with Gotham magazine.

I going to need somebody

to hold the fort.

At "I Spy".

Strictly on a temporary basis,

you understand.

Oh, one more thing.

I had a call from Eleanor Johnson

this morning.

Wanting to know if you would like

to write a profile on Vincent Lepak.

I don't know how you did it Sidney,

but somehow you...

made it to the next room.

Vincent Lepak

Long live the King

By Sidney Young

Nice robe.

Oh, thanks.

Ralph Lauren, it was a gift.

Who from?

Ralph Lauren, I was

doing a piece and...

I wanted to say congratulations,

I heard about your promotion.

I'm really happy for you.

Thanks.

How's things going with you?

Good, fine, everything's...

I'm working for this

little literary magazine.

It's in New York.

So I left you a bunch of messages.

Yeah, I know, I've been so busy.

I thought so.

How's the novel doing.

I am still working on it.

You should keep at it.

I believe in you.

Actually I never give you these.

It's just... you know.

You don't have to use them.

If you don't want to.

I mean...

You know...

Oh hey Alice.

Where did it all go so wrong?

Bye.

Sophie is going to get an Apollo Film

Awards nomination for best actress.

Wow, that's great.

But the nominations haven't

been announced yet.

That is correct.

Which is why we have absolutely

no way of knowing whether or not

she will be nominated.

But when she is nominated,

we would like Sharp's to do a feature.

Someone to cover the whole lead-up.

Unrestricted access.

The trajectory, the building

of this unique brand.

I'm going to have a logo.

So here's the deal.

Sophie wants you to write the story.

You can be my b*tch.

Merry Christmas Sidney.

This is a cover story.

I think a little celebration

is in order.

You didn't do it.

I couldn't do it, it's very high.

What are you?

A limpy pig.

What?

I'm your little limpy pig.

Now it's time to pay the forfeit.

What you got?

I've got my little limpy pig dance.

Give me your ring.

I can't.

Why not?

I cannot.

Give me your ring.

I want it.

I can't.

Ok.

If you give me your ring and I win

tomorrow, I'll let you have sex with me.

Oh thank you Mike.

I'll buy you a better one,

just as soon as I...

No you won't.

I'm always going to keep this one.

I'll never part with it.

Never, never, never.

Let's do it properly.

Please.

What people don't realize is that

all saints start out as human beings.

All human beings

fall in love.

Well, well.

Look at you.

Congratulations.

Your fortune right.

You go up and I go down.

You're here with Sophie?

How about doing your old rabbi

a favour. A little interview.

Is Alison here?

No.

We went our separate ways.

Actually she left me.

She tells me she's in love

with someone else.

Nope, not you I'm afraid Sidney.

Some guy named Clark.

Can you believe it?

These are the sacrifices we make.

I don't need to tell you.

This is not a vacation, vocation...

So here I am, at the

center of everything.

I got the tux, I got

the watch.

I got the life.

I am exactly where

I wanted to be.

I've made it to Shangri La.

I gonna have to have the ring back.

What are you doing?

Hey, what are you doing.

What's he doing?

Give me the ring back.

My mother gave me this ring,

she told me to give it to the one.

She's not the one!

I don't want to be on the inside,

I do not want to be at the party.

I don't want to have sex with you.

I killed Cuba.

F***ing f***er!

Sodom and Gomorrah.

Sidney Young.

Hey Vincent.

Sidney.

F***.

Have a nice flight.

I need a ticket to New York

please.

The next available flight isn't until

tomorrow morning at 10 o'clock.

It arrives at New York at

There's nothing sooner?

No, I'm afraid not.

Fine I'll take it.

Hi, you've reached Alison

please leave a message.

Oh and Joe if that's you I've got

the tickets for Empire brook tomorrow.

See you there.

Bye.

Alison's it's me, it's Sidney.

Listen, my battery is very low...

Can I see you?

I don't think I'm going to be

working for Sharp's any more.

But it's fine.

I thought I wanted all that stuff.

I wanted to be special.

To have the money and be treated

differently to anybody else.

Can I have an upgrade.

But I don't, ok?

Who's Joe?

Can I get your autograph?

What, 'cause I'm on the TV?

'Cause I'm up there close to

the movie stars?

You think I'm special?

For your credit card.

Yes.

Do you have any baggage?

Plenty.

Stop the car, stop the car.

Hi.

Hi.

How's the novel coming on?

It's finished.

Thanks for the editing.

..:
: TheGhost ::..

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