How to Marry a Millionaire Page #7

It'll probably be pretty expensive,

but I think it's the safest way

not to be seen by anybody.

When you got the measles,

I wouldn't have given ten cents

for my chances of getting

out of this jam without being caught.

- You know what I did?

- What?

I got on long distance with a few

friends around Chicago and St. Louis.

I had them keep sending telegrams

to my wife, signed with my name.

All about this unexpected

business trip I was on.

It worked like a charm.

That sounds very intelligent.

I don't like to boast, but if I hadn't

had that little stroke of brilliance,

there could have been a lot

of very serious results in my home.

And business too.

What are you going to do

to show you're grateful?

- What do you mean?

- Whenever a person pulls a rock

and skins out of it,

they oughta do something nice

for the injured party,

don't you think?

- For instance?

- Well, for one thing,

you ought to drop into Cartier's

tomorrow morning and get your wife

some sort of little bubble

for her wrist.

How about some nice flowers?

Is that all the grateful you are,

five dollars worth of geraniums?

Look, if I gave Mrs. Brewster

a piece of jewelry not on her birthday,

she'd have 25 private detectives

on my tail within 10 minutes.

Well, if you'll pardon my frankness,

I'd be ashamed to admit it.

- 'll send her a nice box of roses.

- She'll love that.

She's not used to

expensive gifts.

Anything more than flowers

would upset her terribly.

All right, then. How about doing

something nice for your daughter?

- What?

- Why don't you inherit her again?

I'm sorry, that's quite

out of the question.

But that wouldn't cost you

anything until you were dead.

I'd rather not discuss it

if you don't mind.

What's the matter with you, anyway?

Everybody loves their children.

Even monkeys. It's a well-known law

of Mother Nature.

Mother Nature never

had to deal with a gigolo.

And what else pray

were you trying to be?

The differences between the two

should be quite obvious, even to you.

And would you be so kindly

as to specify how?

If you don't mind, I don't think

I care to debate the question with you.

Once you get one foot on the ground,

you're really quite a jerk, aren't you?

Where are we now?

We'll be crossing

the George Washington Bridge...

George Washington Bridge?

What are we doing way over there?

On the customary routes,

I could be recognized a dozen times.

This side of the river

no one knows me.

It's just another example of the use

of intelligence in a situation like this.

If you've got intelligence,

you don't need luck.

If you've got that good old American

know-how, you don't need anything else.

Because the simple truth is

that when the chips are really down,

man is still the master

of his own fate.

The captain of his destiny.

- What is it?

- Motorcycle cops.

Are you sure

you're not on the lam?

It's all right.

Just keep moving.

I'm awfully sorry

if I'm going too fast.

You're all right.

Just follow me.

Good afternoon, sir.

This is George Washington Bridge Week.

And the city of New York extends

its heartiest congratulations

to the happy couple driving the 50

millionth car across our noble edifice.

- Hold it. This way, lady.

- Another smile, lady.

Hold it. Hold it.

I'm sorry I can't give you

any more, Mrs. Page, but, uh,

you know what the market

is these days.

- Gesundheit.

- Thank you again, Mrs. Page.

[Phone Rings 1

- Hello?

- Miss Page?

Oh, it's you again.

- Are you good for seconds?

- Oh, sure.

- Let's order them now.

- Two more, Mac. Well-done.

And slap a little chili on that one.

- You know what the trouble with you is?

- Which one?

Trouble with you is you're a hamburger

with onions dame and won't admit it.

I wonder how long it took you

to work that one out.

My guess is that I know you

better than you know yourself.

Ketchup.

Uh, coleslaw?

If I can get it on here.

I just don't believe that you're the

kind of girl you pretend to be at all.

I'll say this for you, that's

quite a line you've got there.

Here. Pickles?

Thanks.

It's all an act. You know as well

as I do that money isn't everything.

Who told you it wasn't?

Nobody had to.

Did you ever have any?

A little, yes.

Then, how do you know

it isn't everything?

Do you seriously believe having money

automatically brings you happiness?

Well, no, but it doesn't

automatically depress me either.

I don't believe you, Schatze.

Look, Tommy, I'm in a jam here

Don't you understand?

I'm in a very bad

financial situation.

If those kids don't come back,

I'm on the hook for a year's

rent for that apartment.

So, what do you think

I should do now,

fall in love with a character

who doesn't even own a necktie?

- Haven't they written to you?

- How can they? They're illiterate.

- Listen, honey...

- t's no use, Tommy boy.

Just as soon as I finish this horse

burger, I never want to see you again.

Hello?

How about taking a look

at Miss Liberty today?

Well.

If you were solvent, it would be

an entirely different matter.

But I had it with a grease monkey

like you, and that's all I want of that.

Okay, Miss Cafe Society, take a look out

there and give me a rest for a moment.

And the truth of the matter,

I don't care what you say,

is that if you're not loaded,

you've already got two strikes on you.

I already said okay. What else

do you want me to say about it?

As soon as we get off this barge,

I never want to see you again.

[Phone Rings 1

- Yes?

- Tonight?

No.

I mean it I tell you.

Just as soon as we get home,

I never want to see...

I'm sorry we can't give you

any more, Mrs. Page.

I already laughed at that one.

Well, anyway, thanks again.

May I come in?

May I change my mind?

Is this on the level?

From the bottom of my heart.

Then, hold it

for just one second.

Fred? Fred?

This is Mrs. Page.

Grab that furniture man and tell him

to bring that stuff right back up here.

Do you understand?

Don't even move.

Well?

Yes.

ls something wrong,

Mrs. Page?

I don't know.

I just feel so lonely.

- Your friends?

- Yeah.

Not one of those two dingbats

to stand up with me.

Well, there's still a good hope

they may come yet.

If they come now,

I'll throw them out on their necks.

- But I thought...

- wanted them yesterday.

What time have I got

to laugh at them now?

Well, for crying out loud, a party.

Wait a minute.

- There's Loco!

- Well, hi!

- What is it?

- Schatze's wedding. Didn't you know?

- Who to?

- Dallas, Texas.

Wow!

- Pardon me, but my name is Ding Dong.

- How do you do?

- Did you have much trouble?

- What do you mean, trouble?

He's absolutely insane

about me.

- No kidding.

- Out of his mind.

- Do you know how much he's worth?

- How much?

- Thirty mil.

- He's not.

Give or take a mil.

Oh, isn't

that wonderful?

Oh, and he's a doll.

A perfect doll.

- What a break.

- 'm not kidding. It's a dream marriage.

What about you?

Where have you been all this time?

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