How To Rob A Bank Page #2

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Not bad.

- Excuse me?

- The way you played that. Not bad.

Do you think I laid it

on too thick there in the end?

- You blew it.

- I thought you just said...

I know I did, but then you blew it.

I'm sorry, what's that?

I mean, could you feel it?

That moment?

You had life by the balls.

You were in charge.

Hey Simon. I'm gonna have

to call you back.

You see! There, again.

The spark. Living life!

You, just then. Hanging up.

You just did it.

Seriously. I mean that's how life

gets the better of us.

It ends up running rough-shod

over us in small doses.

For example,

why pay $1.50...

to have access to

your twenty bucks? Screw 'em!

Exactly!

Think about it. They put

in an ATM machine...

basically does the work of, I dunno,

dozen people or more per branch.

And?

So, the bank lays these people off...

saving entire years worth of salary...

for dozens of people per bank,

per machine...

not to mention the money saved...

not paying these people's

insurance, benefits...

bonuses, pension,

welfare, taxes, nothing.

- Yeah?

- And for all this profit...

they have the audacity

to charge us $1.50...

every time we use their

machine for our money.

- And it doesn't stop there. Surcharges...

- Yeah.

- Service charges...

- Yeah.

Late fees, roaming fees...

Nickel and diming us to death.

I mean, "Roaming fees" in addition

to your phone bill on cell phones...

that are meant to roam?

That's why they call

them "mobile phones," right?

And late fees on DVDs that cost more

than it would to just buy the movie!

Crime by any other name.

It is a crime.

A crime of convenience.

We're in a state of

financial emergency!

- Hello?

- This is 911 Emergency.

Hey, it's me, I'm the one who

called just over a half-hour ago.

I'm ok, but I'm still locked

in the bank vault.

Brian DeGepse here.

This is 911 Emergency...

dispatch ready to patch

you through, officer.

Go for DeGepse.

This is Brian DeGepse, commanding

officer, Emergency Response unit...

- who am I speaking with?

- Jason Taylor, sir.

Alright Mr. Taylor, first,

I've been briefed...

but I need to know if

you are still safe and secure.

You could say I'm safe.

Now, outline the situation, please.

I'm safe because I'm IN the safe.

I got the joke. Sir.

I don't want to alarm you in any way,

but this is not a laughing matter...

there's nothing funny...

I'm sorry, did you just say,

"there's nothing funny...

about he sit onion?"

Excuse me?

Don't mess with me Mr. Taylor.

Yes, I can hear you.

Can you... ear... me... ow?

Ear what? Oh, hear you? No.

Can you hear me now?

Look, find the spot with

the best reception...

- Sorry.

- And don't move. Hear me?

I can't...

Look for a good zone.

I'll do that.

- What d'ya got?

- The guy is nobody.

Couple a parking tickets,

a DUI on a scooter...

- and he works at Starbucks.

- Right.

- Can you still hear me?

- Ok, I think I've got a good spot.

Hello? Are you ok?

Do we have any injuries?

I think we may have a fatality if

someone doesn't get his ass off me!

Fine. Fine. Everything's fine!

Nothing to see here.

Move it along.

I swear to God, I'll kill you...

with my hands tied behind

my back if you don't stop right now.

Is your safety compromised,

are you in danger?!

I've been "compromised" alright,

but he's the only one in danger!

Who the hell is that

and what's going on?!

I just had

to subdue the hostage sir.

Hostage? Who in the hell

do you have hostage and why?

She's one of "them"sir and I

didn't mean to take her hostage...

she was in here

when I ran for cover.

So, I forcibly

subdued her into custody...

and that's when the vault door

automatically closed on us.

What a crock.

That's a...

Hey that's...

yu... ear... me now?

I'm not buying that. At all.

- In fact, that was pathetic.

- Really?

Try crinkling a paper bag over the

mouth piece next time. Works great...

So, what's the situation?

We're fine, unless you count being

locked in a vault...

with armed

a**holes outside the door.

- Excuse me?

- No, I didn't mean YOU people.

Excuse me?

Please don't tell me you're black

or something. I'd never, I...

I am.

May I speak with him this time?

- Hello?

- Yeah? Hello.

You're going to have to forgive my

friend here. He's confused.

Just an innocent mistake.

He's really quite a sweet guy...

but he's having a really bad day.

You know those days?

I understand. This is a

stressful situation...

for any civilian, mam.

I've seen it all before.

I am sure you have.

Your job must be fascinating!

Well... excuse me Miss,

who exactly are you?

You see, there's been a huge

misunderstanding...

You see I was accessing

my safety-deposit box...

when the alarm went off...

I was so frightened

and flustered...

when Jinx here ran in and...

Wait...

- Who the hell is Jinx?

- That'd be me, sir.

Please, continue.

So, in the ensuing confusion...

Jinx here mistook me for being

a part of the hold up...

did what a good man does

and took control of the situation.

But, we've cleared that up now...

and just want out of this awful vault

as soon as you can help us.

Ok miss, just hang in there.

Help is in progress.

Thanks.

I'm going to have

to call you back...

I think we're running

low on batteries.

So, what are you going to do?

F***! F***! F***! F***!

How's it going?

Not good. Not very good.

Not good at all.

I'm talking impasse, a serious

catch-22, a "Mexican stand-off."

Basically... We're f***ed!

How's that Allexor working out?

I dunno.

Prozac, XENIX, Wilburton...

just another serotonin

up-take inhibitor.

My doc thinks this'll work better...

I don't think it's working at all.

In fact, it's got me a touch speedy.

No worries, the "situation"

is in hand.

Okay.

- Which situation?

- Never mind.

Go watch the guard.

Do you mind having a look

at my gun first?

- What?

- My gun.

I think it's jammed again.

I took apart the clip-loader...

firing pin,

and reassembled the repeater...

But it's still jamming.

- And then you know...

- Just, go pretend to guard the guard.

No problem. Will do.

Sh*t.

It's about time!

Thank you...

that tape was really

beginning to kill my wrists.

I always keep my end of the deal.

A show of good faith, right?

So, what are we going to do here?

I don't know,

what are we going to do?

Seems like we're both

living now, huh?

A bit on the edge... for me.

But I gotta admit,

I kind of like the view.

Living?

What is it that you live to do?

As far as I can tell, this is it.

You don't always get to choose the

monumental moments in your life.

They choose you.

And when they do,

you take what you can get.

- Hello.

- Hello.

- Hello.

- Hello, can you hear...

- Yeah, I was just saying hello.

- Funny.

- Not really.

- What the f***'s going on?

He's got the codes.

Okay. How about you?

I'm tied up.

So, here's what you're going to do.

You're gonna get me

safe passage out of here.

We'll talk terms later.

A show of good faith right?

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