Huckleberry Finn Page #4

I can't wait till

we get to Cairo.

(SIGHS)

I'm gonna catch me

one of them big boats

and gonna ship out as a

cabin boy to South America.

And then I'm gonna start

my own coffee plantation.

There's lots of money

in coffee beans,

but me, I'm gonna

stay in dry goods.

What the matter, Jim?

Slave hunters.

(GUNSHOTS)

MAN:
Who's that yonder?

It's just a raft, sir.

MAN:
Any men on it?

Uh, just one and me!

Huck!

Hush up, Jim.

Well, there's five n*ggers

run off tonight up yonder,

above the head of the bend.

Your man white or black?

He's white, sir.

I reckon we'll see

for ourselves.

Catch this here line.

Pap and me is much

obliged to you.

I can tell you, everybody

scoots off when

I want 'em to tow this

blamed raft ashore.

Well, that's infernal

mean. Odd, too.

Say, boy, what's the

matter with your father?

Well, it ain't

anything much.

Boy, you're hidin' somethin'.

What is the matter

with your pap?

Well, please, just

tow us to shore.

You won't have to

get near the raft.

Your pap's got

the small pox.

And you know it

precious well.

Drop that line, boy!

Confound it, I just bet the

wind's done blowed it to us!

Why didn't you come

out and say so? You wanna

spread it all over?

Well, everybody else I told,

run off and left us.

MAN:
Poor devil.

We're downright sorry

for you,

but, well, hang it, we don't

wanna get the small

pox, don't you see?

Let's get out of here!

Goodbye, boy. Good luck.

If you see any runaway

n*ggers, you get

help and nab them.

You can make some

good money by it!

Thank you, sir. I won't

let any runaway get by

me if I can help it.

I ain't no damn abolitionist!

Jim! Jim.

Huck, Huck, here I am.

(COUGHING)

Are they out of sight yet?

Yeah.

I'm gonna roast in hell

forever for all the

lies I told for you.

You didn't have to

get in the water.

Well, I didn't wanna

take no chances.

(LAUGHS)

You sure had them scared.

Yeah.

Well, we best spend

the night on the shore.

Come on.

MAN:
Come on, get

them off the boat!

We'll have none of

that kind of thing

around here!

Get them off the boat!

Right now!

You take your hands off me!

Get off my ship!

Do you have any idea...

We'll have none of that!

Throw that riffraff...

Hey, take the scalawags off!

Now look here,

you'll hear from my...

Card sharks!

River hustlers!

First you fleece

my passengers, but

that ain't enough.

Then you start takin'

my whole crew!

Do you know, sir, to

whom you are speaking?

Tell him, Bilgewater!

I'll have you know, sir,

that we are men of title!

The blood of kings flows

through our veins!

Your rash, unfounded

accusations can only be looked

upon with contempt, sir!

Throw off their luggage!

Bring it up!

Oh!

You, you go find my hatbox!

Hurry you lackeys.

Well, throw it, you idiot!

That should be done with it.

Raise it up.

I hope that our undeserved

fate will haunt

you forever, sir!

You are obviously the...

(SHIP HORN BLOWING)

I told you we shouldn't

have pulled the

Cincinnati double shuffle

on the first night.

It wasn't our performance,

dear boy,

it was their pitiful

lack of imagination.

Well, what are

we gonna do next?

Not what are we gonna do,

it is whom are we gonna do.

Now, don't look now,

but the next recipients

of our estimable companionship

are at this very moment

coming to our rescue.

Ahoy, ahoy, there!

Oh, alas. Oh, woe.

(CRYING)

Cry you idiot.

(BOTH CRYING)

Well, why are you gawking?

Mocking us in our hour

of degradation?

Be gone with you!

Be gone, I say!

Do you need any help?

Help. What help can

you give us when fate

has fetched us so low,

when we were once so high!

Let the cruel world

do its worst, but there

one thing we know,

there's a grave

somewhere for us.

Yes.

The world will always go on

as it always has, and take

everything from us.

Money, property, loved

ones, everything!

But it can't take that.

Then one day we'll lay

our poor, broken hearts

down in that grave

and rest in silence.

(SOBBING)

Well, what are you

heaving your poor, broken

hearts at us for?

We're not blaming you.

It's the world that's

brought us down.

Where was you

brought down from?

Oh, you wouldn't believe us.

The world never believes

the secrets of our birth.

'Tis no matter. Let it pass.

Let it pass.

Secrets of your birth?

Wait a minute, you have

a sympathetic face,

perhaps you would believe us.

My great grandmater

on my pater's side

Became a baroness

then great grandpater died

When later great grandmater

again became a bride

She wed a duke

so the royal strain

Was doubled

when she wed again

Their son, my.grand-pere

Became the rightful heir

but lost his lofty title

In a dubious game

of chemin de fer

What a sad demise

for the true dauphin

My daddy was

Louis the 17

Thus I, but for a

tragic happenstance

I'm His Majesty

the King of France

The King of France?

You're looking at

Royalty

Royalty

Fouled and foiled,

slightly soiled

But royalty

Born to reign

all in vain

Fate was cruel,

we should be

ruling royalty

Tell 'em about

yourself Bilgey!

Oh, well, I...

Never mind.

The Duke of Bilgewater

a hundred years gone by

Braved the broad Atlantic

to give the colonies a try

My grandfather's life

was hard and brief

My mother stole matches

and died of grief

Thus here,

but for a cruel historic fluke

Is Lord Bilgewater

A full fledged Duke

You're lookin' at

Royalty

Royalty fouled and foiled

Slightly soiled

but royalty

Born to reign

all in vain

Fate was cruel,

we should be ruling royalty

Well, can't we at least fetch

you down to the next town?

Oh, no, no, we couldn't

think of encroaching

on your hospitality.

But since you insist,

have your man servant tote

our belongings aboard

and let's get out of here.

Come on, Jim.

What should I call you?

Your Grace, My Lord

or Your Lordship?

Well, we're traveling

incognito, you understand?

You simply call me King.

Call him Bilgewater!

Will you put that there,

my good man?

You're looking

at royalty, royalty

Lost our throne

to rolling stones

but royalty

Unlike you our blood is blue

Fate was cruel,

we should be ruling royalty

Shove off, shove off!

You're lookin' at royalty,

you're lookin' at royalty

Fouled and foiled,

slightly soiled

but royalty

Worn and torn but

To the manor born

Fate was cruel,

we should be rulin'

Royalty

Lower your eyes

and bend your knee

You Jackanapes

are gapin' at Royalty

I was up all night,

think I'll take a few

winks of sleep.

Tell me, Jim,

you're a runaway slave,

aren't you?

Who? Me? No, sir,

now I ain't no runaway.

I mean you no harm, Jim.

It just seems mighty

strange for a young

boy and a healthy black

like yourself shifting free

and easy here on this raft.

Headin' down river.

Headin' straight for Cairo.

Which as any simple-minded

fool knows

exactly where a runaway

slave would just

naturally gravitate.

JIM:
Well, uh...

Oh, he ain't no runaway.

You see, King,

my folks was livin' in

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