Huckleberry Finn Page #7

(KNOCK AT DOOR)

Who is it?

Mary Jane, Percy.

Oh, come in.

Thought you might need

this come morning.

It gets awfully cold.

Rather.

You know, Percy, there's

somethin' about you

that seems mighty strange.

But there is somethin'

about you I like.

I guess I've always wanted

a little brother to fuss over.

I'm very happy to

have you here, Percy.

I do hope we can

all stay together for

a long, long, time.

Good night, Percy.

Good night, Mary Jane.

(SNORING)

(RIPPING)

(SNEEZES)

Bless you.

(CRYING)

Mary Jane, Susan!

How could I ever hurt them?

Jim's waitin'

down on the river.

Got to get back to him.

What's right? What's wrong?

Try to fight or go along

How can you win?

When every day you

make the devil grin

Which way is real?

What you're taught

or what you feel

What's false? What's fine?

And who's deciding

The dividing line

I don't wanna hurt nobody

I don't wanna die and burn

But with the devil

always dogging

At my heels

How the devil

am I gonna learn?

What's right? What's wrong?

Try to fight or go along

How can you tell

The road to heaven

From the one to hell

Some folks live wise

Other folks are living lies

Can't find my way

But I'll keep tryin'

Till my dying

Day

KING:
Vandalized!

Pillaged! Plundered!

We've been robbed!

We've been robbed!

Vandalized!

Pillaged! Plundered!

Give me a hand, Bilgey!

Plundered!

We've been robbed!

We've been robbed!

You've been robbed!

You've been robbed!

What happened?

Oh, that river rat!

That little swindler!

He took the gold!

The Sheriff!

We have got to

tell the Sheriff!

But I just can't

believe that...

Well, you better

believe it, my dear,

that scallywag

has shifty eyes!

Come on, Bil...

Brother William,

we have to go roust the

sheriff and rescue our...

Uh, our nieces gold!

Also we have to arrange post

haste for the auction.

We should have got out of

town last night, like I said.

Now we got nothin'.

(SHUSHING) First of all,

shut your mouth, Bilgey.

Don't you know the

biggest half of this loaf

is yet to be plucked?

Sheriff.

We have a matter of

utmost importance to

discuss with you.

(DOOR OPENING)

Are they gone?

Percy!

Are they gone?

They went for the sheriff!

I can't live a lie anymore.

I just gotta tell you

the truth.

First off,

I ain't English.

My real name's

George Jackson

and I'm on my way to visit

my uncle Abner Moore.

Well, what are you doin'

with our uncles?

Them two ain't your uncles.

They just a couple of river

sharks come to skin you for

everything you got.

I didn't know just what

they was into until

I was too deep in it.

So I took your gold away

from them last night.

I hid it in the safest

place I could.

Well, where'd you hide it?

Well, I can't tell

you right now,

Miss Susan, not till

them two's exposed.

'Cause they'd find a way

to get it out of you,

if you knew.

Sister, we can

trust George here.

There's somethin'

about him I like.

Friends, all.

Our dear brother Peter, your

good friend and neighbor,

who lays yonder,

has done generous well

with his poor daughters

that he's left

behind in this vale of tears.

But these poor orphan

children are twice blighted.

A sneak thief has come

in the night and robbed them

of all of their cash money!

So that all that

they have left

is what we are to auction

here today, so that

Uncle William and myself

could take them back

to England with

a dowry fitting

for them to marry well.

Now what you see before

you is a hand wrought,

hand chased,

hallmarked, sterling

silver, genuine antique

silver tea service, with tray.

Do I hear $50?

How well I remember

this gorgeous six

piece tea service.

When our dear mother used to

serve finger sandwiches and

cheese on the lawn

of our estate

in Sheffield, England.

No doubt she and Peter

are gazing down on

us at the very moment,

hoping that one of you

dear friends and

generous neighbors

will bring this

priceless heirloom

into your home.

Fifty dollars.

Fifty dollars!

Did you hear that,

Brother, $50!

Do I hear $60?

MAN 1:
I'll bet $60.

Sixty dollars from that

gentleman right there.

WOMAN:
Seventy-five.

KING:
Seventy-five!

Did you hear that brother?

$75, that's beautiful. $75.

One hundred dollars.

KING:
One hundred

dollars right there.

MAN 2:
One hundred fifty.

One hundred and fifty.

That's gorgeous, sir.

Thank you.

One hundred and

fifty going once.

One hundred and

fifty going twice.

MAN 3:
One sixty.

One sixty. Bless you, sir.

Thank you very much.

One sixty...

MAN 4:
One sixty-five.

KING:
What did you say, sir?

A hundred sixty-five.

KING:
One sixty-five,

the man with the beard.

Thank you very much.

One hundred and seventy-five.

One seventy-five.

Thank you, sir.

One seventy-five going once.

Two hundred dollars!

Hallelujah, did you hear

that Mother and Brother?

$200.

Two hundred

dollars going once.

(SCREAMING)

Two hundred dollars

going twice.

(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

Oh! Oh! Oh!

(EXCLAIMING)

Damn! Damn!

Somebody give me

a hot foot.

I thought he was supposed

to be deaf and dumb.

The Lord has spoken!

He has His ways.

Let us not question

them because

they are beyond

the comprehension of

us poor mortals.

Let us pray!

Dear Lord, what are you

trying to tell us?

What are you trying to

say through our poor

brother's afflicted mouth?

What heavenly...

Uh-oh.

Could anyone be so kind

as to direct us to the

Peter Wilks residence?

Uncle Harvey!

Uncle William!

I'm gonna get the sheriff!

Thank God, you're really here.

(ALL MURMURING)

All right, you two frauds,

you're goin' to jail!

Jail too good for 'em.

They hoodwinked

the whole town.

They ought to be lynched.

ALL:
Yeah! Yeah!

The idea of you

lynching anybody!

Just 'cause you're

brave enough to tar

and feather some poor

outcast women that

come along here.

Why a man's safe in the hands

of 10,000 of your kind!

Listen, I was born and

raised in the South,

and I've lived in the North,

so I know the

average all around.

The average man's a coward!

Now your mistake is

that you didn't bring a

man with you to lead you!

You didn't go home

and fetch your mask

to cover your faces!

Half a man like him there,

yells, "Lynch him, lynch him."

Well, I'll tell you what

you're gonna do.

You're gonna droop

your tails and get along

home, crawl in a hole!

If any real lynchin's gonna

be done around here, come

back with your masks on!

Go on, get out of

here and take that half

a man there with you!

King, that really

was a great speech.

Not bad.

It was first delivered

by a Colonel Sherburne

down in Arkansas when

they were about to be killed.

Figured it might come in

handy one of these days.

After you, sir!

Well, I knew it weren't the

most reverend place to hide

a couple of sacks of gold

but there weren't

nowhere else, so I hid it

in the coffin last night.

Just before you

came down to pray.

Well, I hope you explain

to your two uncles that I

didn't mean to be irreverent.

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