Hudson Hawk Page #10

While he talks, Darwin shakes Hawk's bewildered hand,

then holding up one finger in a "be with you in a sec"

facial move.

DARWIN:

Listen, for those kind of wages, I

could have built the factory in

America! They're Vietnamese, but

don't they know they're Vietnamese,

I mean, can't we just give them

more Bart Simpson shirts? I hear

depressing news like this and I

want to commit genocide!

(slamming phone)

Alfred, hold my calls. So, Hawk!

The Hawkster! What do you think

of the vehicle?

HAWK:

You could host American Bandstand

in here. Why did you duck at the

auction, a**hole?

DARWIN:

Because I didn't want to get hurt,

taterhead.

A FAX MACHINE comes to life as Darwin babbles.

DARWIN:

What can I tell you, I'm the

villain. Initially it was a

priority to keep a lot of buffers

between you and me, but since most

of them are dead now, I thought

what the heck. Hawk, you come

highly recommended. I would have

done some things differently at

the auction house, but hey, I want

to be in business with you.

Darwin scans the Fax message with annoyance, and then

shoves it into a violent paper shredder.

70 OUTSIDE THE LIMO SHREDDER 70

Shredded paper litters out of a vent on the outside door.

44.

71 INSIDE THE LIMOUSINE 71

A simmering Hawk tries to explode but the phone rings.

HAWK:

My life is not some deal. I...

ALFRED (O.S.)

It's Boston, Mr. Mayflower.

DARWIN:

I'm sorry, I have to take this.

Those are valid points though...

Darwin picks up the phone and goes Mr. Hyde, while giving

Hawk "Can you believe this guy"-type gestures.

DARWIN:

You better have a good excuse...

You better have a better excuse!

You are so weak! I'm only

grateful your ancestors didn't

settle America or I'd have to

change my name to Running Brave

or Vomiting Antelope...Really.

Well, listen close, Daddio...

Darwin holds the phone over a 50 cent piece-size siren in

his armrest. Darwin presses a button and a PIERCING

NOISE fills the car as it comes to a stop.

Darwin bolts out. Hawk hangs back, waiting for Rod

Serling to explain things, then bolts out too.

72 EXT. E.U.R. DISTRICT BUILDING--DAY 72

Hawk and Darwin head up the steps of an Overpowering

fascistly marble superstructure. Alfred brings up the

rear.

DARWIN:

Come along. So Hawkie, I won't

mince words...

HAWK:

Whatever. You own Boardwalk, you

own Park Place, you own the four

railroads. You think you're God.

For all I know, you're probably

right. All I wanted was to have a

damn cappuccino, maybe play some

Nintendo as soon as I find out what

it is.

(MORE)

(CONTINUED)

45.

72 CONTINUED:
72

HAWK (CONT'D)

Man, why didn't you just buy the

horse? What am I saying, you

did buy it...

DARWIN:

Oh....Let me see. There are

organizations that think we wanted

the "Sforza" for reasons other

than putting it in the Da Vinci

museum we're building in Vinci.

Hopefully, these organizations

think our plan has been ruined

with the explosion of our replica.

If I seem vague, grand. We want a

low profile on this, that's why I

got Kaplan and the Candy bars

involved. I helped George help

the Mario Brothers and Gates help

get you out....

HAWK:

Wait a minute! You got me in jail?

You want to tell me what the crystal

piece inside the pony means?

DARWIN:

Way to go, Alfie! How many people

did you break that thing in front

of. Good help's hard to find.

HAWK:

I'm going to take that as a no.

73 INT. MASSIVE CONFERENCE ROOM--DAY 73

A mind-blowingly pretentious painting of Darwin, Minerva,

and Bunny hangs above a mammoth M-shaped conference table.

Lying atop the table in heels, shades, and a heart-

stopping dark outfit is Minerva. NASTY Metal riffs semi-

audibly spew from a headset she wears.

Surrounding the table is a VARIED GROUP OF OLD MONEY AND

NEW MONEY BOARD MEMBERS ranging from a nine year old

INDIAN PRINCE to a SWEET ELDERLY AMERICAN WOMAN. They

converse to the person at their side in businesslike

tones, oblivious to Minerva.

DARWIN:

Ladies and gentlemen of the board...

(CONTINUED)

46.

73 CONTINUED:
73

The board members go into tableau silence. Minerva continues

a brief sing-a-long before Darwin scolds...

DARWIN:

Let's give it up for Hudson Hawk.

Minerva!

The board applauds as Alfred pushes Hawk inside.

MINERVA:

Hello......Bunny, Ball-Ball!

Minerva lobs a ball in the air. Bunny, the annoying dog,

scurries beside Hawk to catch it.

Moving down toward the other end of the table, Hawk takes

in the surreal surroundings with battle fatigue. He sees

ONE BOARD MEMBER take a luxurious sip of cappuccino.

Minerva paces up upon the table.

DARWIN:

Hawkasaurus we got you clothes,

great hotel, and a 250,000 lira

per diem.

MINERVA:

That's two hundred dollars a day?

So he can get a hooker and some

tequila. Veto, Darwin.

HAWK:

Guess I know who wears the penis

in this family.

MINERVA:

(jumping off table)

For God's sake, chain this

convict.

With a yawn, Alfred pulls out a pair of state-of-the-art

handcuffs.

Hawk kicks out at Alfred, who nimbly moves slightly and

gives a pummel to Hawk's body somersaulting him over the

edge of the table, into an empty seat.

(CONTINUED)

HAWK HUDSON -Rev. 8/8/90 47.

73 CONTINUED:
(2) 73

The Board Members politely applaud. Alfred pulls Hawk's

hands around his back and latches some state-of-the-art

handcuffs. Bunny intensely sniffs his crotch.

MINERVA:

We want Da Vinci's sketchbook,

what do they call it, the Codex.

DARWIN:

Listen Hawk, this might be difficult

to believe, but I'm a regular joe who

wants to be happy. Happiness comes

from the achieving of goals and when

you make your first billion by the

age of 19, it's hard to keep coming

up with new ones. But now finally I

got myself a new goal. World domination

and with your help we can... Bunny...

quit that!

MINERVA:

Bunny, ball-ball! Bad bunny!

HAWK:

Think he's already got today's

ball-balls.

MINERVA:

Bad Bunny.

HAWK:

You weren't that bad, Bunny.

But seriously, do me a favor and

Concorde me back to prison. I

don't care anymore.

MINERVA:

You go back, you won't be alone.

You'll have a guinea barkeep

cellmate. You're still young

enough to have fun shanking child

molesters for a pack of smokes,

but "Tommy 5-Tone" will go in

knowing that the next time he

gets out it'll be to attend his

own funeral.

Depressing.

HAWK:

You wouldn't risk the dime to call

the police. You have no proof.

(CONTINUED)

HAWK HUDSON -Rev. 8/8/90 48.

73 CONTINUED:
(3) 73

DARWIN:

Ah, the magic word...

Alfred plants a slide machine on the table and Darwin

starts clicking gorgeous images of Hawk and Tommy robbing

the auction house, on a bare wall.

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