Hudson Hawk Page #9

Take 2

(hopping on and off)

Take 3

(hopping on and off)

Insert page 1 for Scene 61

Slate 61, Take 2.

What are you laughing at?

Slate 61A, Take 1.

Oh, no.

Hey look out!

Coming through.

What the f*** are you

looking at?

Hey! 1-800 Going to Die

You look like somebody I

know.

Toll Plaza!

Oh, sh*t.

Take 2.

Oh, sh*t.

What the f*** are you

laughing at?

You're right(?)

How'm I doing?

1-800-I'm going to die.

What?

Toll booth!

Slate 61J -Girls in convertible.

LISA:

Hey, is this a fraternity thing?

Trying to get in a fraternity?

You're cute. Are you going to die?

No, but I'll try anything once.

Are you pre-med?

Too bad, I only date lawyers.

HUDSON HAWK -Rev. 7/23/90 39.

61 CONTINUED:
61

Whizzing wildly forward on the gurney, Hawk scrambles

into his pocket and wiggles out some change. He frantically

winnows out some pennies and then maniacally

FLINGS the change from twenty feet away.

62 TOLL BOOTH 62

The change ker-chunks into the basket and Hawk and the

gurney JUST BARELY streak underneath the rising Gate-arm.

63 EXT. THE AMBULANCE 63

CRASHES through a gate-arm of another lane. Hawk and the

still-wildly whooshing gurney cut it off.

64 FRONT SEAT OF THE AMBULANCE 64

Cesar pops his head through the partition.

CESAR:

Turn him into Roadkill!

Antony, seemingly oblivious to the syringes porcupined in

his skull, pokes his head next to Cesar's.

ANTONY:

Yeah, run him down!

Cesar and the Bodyguard/Driver turn to Antony and scream,

then all three look out the windshield and scream.

65 THE AMBULANCE 65

jackknifes over a stopped car and somersaults into a

fiery ball.

In the foreground, Hawk's gurney coasts down

66 A PEACEFUL OFF-ROAD 66

Hawk, with an unchanged expression of pure white knuckle

fear, comes to a tranquil gurney-wheels-gently-squeaking

stop, beneath an underpass bridge.

Lit by the flames of the ambulance crash, a sneering

young man in wire rim glasses emerges from the darkness,

carrying a steel suitcase. He kneels before Hawk and

opens the suitcase revealing a complex computer apparatus.

He begins mumbling into a cellular phone.

Hawk opens his mouth to speak when a malevolent, SILENT

DEADPAN WRAITH eerily glides down a wire from the bridge.

Both agents are dressed in outfits that seem to be a

melange of fascist uniform and haute couture.

(CONTINUED)

HUDSON HAWK -Rev. 7/23/90 40.

66 CONTINUED:
66

On the fingers of one Wraith hand is carved the word HATE.

On the other hand is the word FROG. The Frog Hand hands

a befuddled Hawk a card. It reads: MY NAME IS KIT KAT

AND THIS IS NOT A DREAM.

Hawk looks up with a "huh" expression as Kit Kat chops

his neck, knocking him off the gurney.

The sneering computer guy hangs up his phone and pulls

forward a small designer cattle prod from his apparatus.

HAWK:

This is turning out to be a very

bad night.

SNICKERS:

When it rains, it pours. Name's

Snickers. The plane leaves in 40.

Snickers zaps Hawk in the leg with his strange-noised

device. Hawk a-a-ghs into a fetal position. Snickers

returns to his suitcase and is passed by a PLEASANT YOUNG

BLACK WOMAN in the "outfit."

ALMOND JOY:

Almond Joy. I know, it's silly. But

it's better than when we first started

out, our code names were Diseases. Do

you know what it's like being called

Clymidia for a year.

(walking)

Whoops, forgot....

She deftly kicks the rising up Hawk across the face, flip-

flopping him onto his back. A nearby portable potty booth

slams open, revealing the biggest member of the group. He

fe-fi-fo-fums out and slams the door. The back of his coat

catches in the slammed door. He obliviously moves forward,

dragging the potty forward. He stops with a confused expression,

then continues moving forward with the lavatory.

He then quickly turns, tipping the big potty onto himself.

The other agents shake their heads.

BUTTERFINGER (poking his head out)

My name's Butterfinger.

HAWK:

No sh*t. (really)

Rumbling up, Butterfinger effortlessly picks up and props

up Hawk on the gurney. The mysterious group parts to reveal

a much more mature and cynically subdued man dressed

in big lapels and a hat.

KAPLAN:

Don't you just hate kids...

(CONTINUED)

HUDSON HAWK -Rev. 7/23/90 41.

66 CONTINUED:
(2) 66

ALMOND JOY:

George, you promised. No Old CIA/

New CIA jokes...

KAPLAN:

I call them the MTV.I.A. Punks

They think Bay of Pigs is an herbal

tea. And that the Cold War involves

penguins and...

HAWK:

Don't I know you...

KAPLAN:

You just might. The last time you

saw me, I was bald, had a beard, no

moustache, and I had a different

nose, so if you don't recognize me,

I won't be offended. I'm the guy

who tricked you into robbing the

government installation and had you

sent to prison for it.

HAWK:

(sinking in)

George Kaplan...George Kaplan!

Hawk explodes upward. Everyone but cool Kaplan draws a

gun.

HAWK:

But I'm not the type of guy to

hold a grudge.

KAPLAN:

I used you as a diversion. While

you were getting captured upstairs,

I was shredding documents in the

basement. Deep down, I guess I

was just jealous. You were one

incredible thief...

HAWK:

To what do I owe the dishonor of a

reunion?

As Kaplan lobs an arm around Hawk and converses, Snickers

and Butterfinger bring out a mammoth empty suitcase and

open it behind Hawk.

KAPLAN:

(conscience)

I want to make things up to you,

Kid. That's why I got you this gig.

(MORE)

(CONTINUED)

HUDSON HAWK -Rev. 7/23/90 42.

66 CONTINUED:
(3) 66

KAPLAN (CONT'D)

And to quote the late, great Karen

Carpenter, "We've only just begun."

HAWK:

Three minutes, four seconds. You

know, Georgie, maybe nobody told

you, I quit stealing.

Hush.

KAPLAN:

My employer wants a meeting.

Employer?

HAWK:

The president?

KAPLAN:

No, somebody powerful.

What's that?

Good God,

HAWK:

George, you don't expect me to fall

for that gag?

Shucks.

KAPLAN:

Guess not.

Now?

ALMOND JOY:

Yes, now.

KAPLAN:

67 INT. MYSTERIOUS BARE ROOM 67

Hawk slowly hatches out of the suitcase on an exotic

couch. He has been put in an aggressively fashionable

Italian outfit. He eyes and touches his new duds with

complete bafflement. He then stumbles into a standing

position to, mouth gaping, take in a wondrous 360 degree

view of Rome, Italy as "O Solo Mio" blares on the

soundtrack.

No. Way.

HAWK:

Hawk's spinning view and the music on the soundtrack

slam to a halt as he zeroes in on the sight of Scary

Butler Alfred elegantly reaching the top of the

staircase.

ALFRED:

Welcome to Rome, sir.

Yes way.

HAWK:

43.

68 EXT. OUTSIDE INTERESTING BUILDING--DAY 68

Alfred opens the back door of an omnipotent, Mayflowerlogoed

LIMOUSINE. The car moves off as Hawk slides in...

69 INT. THE BACK SEAT OF THE MAX-TECH LIMOUSINE 69

facing Darwin Mayflower who is blustering into the

cellular.

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