Hudson Hawk Page #2

GATES:

You told them they looked like the

Three Stooges!

HAWK:

One of them was bald and kept

saying "Sointinly."

Gates simmers himself with a self-control smile.

GATES:

Remember that guy in the cell next

to you who hung himself?

HAWK:

Yeah. Scratchy...

GATES:

Remembeer that shoe you lost...

HAWK:

Uh, yeah. Now that we've

established my photographic

memory...

Gates pulls on a glove and is handed a shoe from a STONEFACED

DRIVER.

GATES:

One phone call and your shoe will

become a piece of evidence "found

in Scratchy's cell" and his

suicide'll become a murder.

HAWK:

Gates, I don't want you to take

this the wrong way, but this is

the f***ing stupidest thing I ever

heard in my life.

GATES:

This is the beauty part. It's

bullshit, but I can make it stick

because I'm a good guy parole

officer and you're a bad guy who's

about to find out that there's a

thin line between ex-con and

escaped con.

(CONTINUED)

HUDSON HAWK -Rev. 7/6/90 6A.

8 CONTINUED:
(2) 8

A PRISON GUARD from above loudly click-loads his rifle.

Gates gives the shoe to Stoneface and the car roars off.

An identical police car, lights flashing and no siren,

zooms up in its place.

GATES:

What's your favorite sport, Hawk?

(CONTINUED)

HUDSON HAWK -Rev. 7/6/90 7.

8 CONTINUED:
(3) 8

HAWK:

Baseball, why?

Gates opens the back door of the police car and says

"Baseball." He is handed a baseball bat. Hawk backs

up as Gates moves threateningly toward him.

HAWK:

I meant, ping pong. Listen, I'd

rather go back in than whore for

you....

(stopping)

Oh, have you got ten dollars on you?

A PRISON GUARD from above turns as not to be a witness.

Hawk feebly calls up to him.

HAWK:

Help? Police?

Gates swings at Hawk, who pretends not to notice until

the last second. Hawk ducks and slam-kicks his calf.

Gates crumples, using the bat as a crutch. Hawk boots up

the bat for a two-handed catch. Gates cowers in fear of

becoming a home run. Hawk lowers the bat and gives him a

get-the-f***-outta-heah kick into the back seat of the

car. Gates seethes the door shut. The car squeals away.

HAWK:

I don't believe this. I've been

out forty seconds...

A BACKFIRE rings out. Hawk hits the ground, thinking

it is a gunshot.

9 HAWK'S ON THE GROUND P.O.V. 9

A gasping 1960 Caddy comes to a stop and a pair of a toofancy-

to-be-tasteful shoes comes out. Hawk looks up to

see TOMMY 5-TONE MESSINA, his older, maybe-maybe-not-wiser

best friend.

TOMMY:

That's the first thing I did.

Smooch the ground and taste the

freedom. Sorry I was late, Eddie.

Miss anything?

HAWK:

(getting up)

As always, your timing, as your

shoes, is impeccable... Don't tell

me those things are in style now.

Good to see you, Tommy 5-Tone,

been having a lousy day.

(CONTINUED)

HUDSON HAWK -Rev. 7/6/90 8.

9 CONTINUED:
9

TOMMY:

The man's getting out of prison

and he's having a lousy day. What,

you missing out on the Cell Block

Water Ballet pageant? Believe me,

it's overrated.

Hawk pauses to say something, then just hugs Tommy.

TOMMY:

Where's the kiss? No tongue this

time, I promise.

A laughing Hawk gives Tommy's stomach a slap before

getting in the car....

HAWK:

Looks like you've been expanding

your...

TOMMY:

Don't say it, Hawkins. I'm incredibly

sensitive about my f***ing figure.

HAWK:

My next word was gonna be

"consciousness." Swear to God...

tubbo.

10 EXT. THE ROAD INTO HOBOKEN--DAY 10

The Caddy thunders past a sweet Manhattan view. "Come

Fly With Me" is playing on the radio. Hawk casually completes

an intimidating hand puzzle.

HAWK:

That's your definition of "Hard?"

TOMMY:

Show off. Hey, boss tune. "Let's

Get Away From It All."

HAWK:

5:
11.

Tommy laughs.

HAWK:

What?

TOMMY:

You crack me up.

HAWK:

What are you laughing at.

(CONTINUED)

HUDSON HAWK -Rev. 7/6/90 9.

10 CONTINUED:
10

TOMMY:

You crack me up. You still do

the puzzles. Still know the

running times of songs. Let me

ask you a question, you still

think you're the greatest cat

burglar who ever lived?

HANK:

Nope. Now I'm the laziest damn

cat burglar that ever lived. I'm

giving it up. No more stealing.

TOMMY:

Now that you're born again, what

do you wanna do? Statue of

Liberty? Entertain some ladies?

Broadway tix? Seduce some women?

Play Nintendo? Bone some chicks?

HAWK:

What's Nintendo? Just get me to the

5-Tone. If I don't get a cappuchino

soon, I'm going to strangle someone.

TOMMY:

You still got a thing for those

unmasculine European coffees?...

Who's your buddy?

Tommy pulls a styrofoam cup from a paper bag.

HAWK:

The man knows, the man knows!

Hawk takes off the cap with a stimulating whiff.

TOMMY:

So tell me, Mr. Coffee, what went

down outside the prison?

HAWK:

Oh, not too much. Gates tried to

blackmail me into doing a job.

Tommy brakes and cappuccino flies. Hawk half-heartedly

tries to lick up with his fingers.

TOMMY:

That doughnut hole eating son-of-a...

take it in the ear for a beer, rat bastard.

HAWK:

Ah, had the perfect amount of foam.

(MORE)

(CONTINUED)

HUDSON HAWK -Rev. 7/6/90 10.

10 CONTINUED:
(2) 10

HAWK (CONT'D)

(looking around)

So hey, where's the little guy?

Why didn't you bring little Eddie?

TOMMY:

(gulping)

Eddie, you better prepare yourself

for some bad news...

HAWK:

What?

TOMMY:

Last night Little Eddie was

assassinated.

HAWK:

What?

TOMMY:

He was rubbed out. Two shots to

the back of the coconut.

Tommy quivers a folded tabloid over to Hawk, who

anxiously unfolds it.

The tabloid headline glares MONKEY SLAIN IN GANGLAND HIT,

above a chilling photo of a monkey-sized chalk outline on

a dark street (an archive picture of a healthy, happy

monkey is in the inset).

Hawk loses all control with a helpless howl. The

viewer's viewpoint stops to let the car wail away in

painful privacy.

11 EXT. OUTSIDE 5-TONE BAR--NIGHT 11

The Guys move sadly toward the personably Jersey face

of the 5-tone bar. The Empire State Building beams in

the background.

TOMMY:

He was more than a monkey, he

was a true friend...

HAWK:

He was like a son to me.

TOMMY:

He was like a nephew to me.

HAWK:

Just get me in the bar. It's

the one thing that will never...

HUDSON HAWK -Rev. 7/6/90 11.

12 INT. TOMMY'S BAR--NIGHT 12

HAWK:

At least I know it's the one

thing that will never...

It's changed. Hawk and Tommy enter into what has become

the ultimate pseudo-art deco-fern littered-nightmare,

packed with noisy, INSUFFERABLY SELF-ABSORBED YUPS.

A violently erotic and pretentious video plays upon

elevated T.V. sets set up all around the place.

HAWK:

.....Change.

Hawk's mouth gapes as he drifts by a sickening COUPLE

toasting wine coolers, and two very YOUNG BROKERS highfiving

each other after missing a dartboard.

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