Hudson Hawk Page #6

HUDSON HAWK -Rev. 7/6/90 26.

43 CONTINUED:
43

Hawk's soliloquy is cut short as Security Guards One and

Two crash into the auction auditorium.

Tommy whips his chair at the floor washer, tipping it

forward and causing its electrical cord to pull up and

trip the Guards into a bellyflop.

HAWK:

Safe at third!

Hawk bolts right at the bustling up guards and locks them

into Tommy's thumbcuffs. He then limbos under their

connected arms and springs over the outstretched washer

cord. The Security Guards clumsily turn and re-trip

themselves.

TOMMY:

Let's go out the back way.

Big Stan suddenly comes through the back way entrance.

HAWK:

Keep those ideas coming.

Hawk and Tommy run toward the auditorium door. They both

do a Gene-Kellyesque-chair-tip-over before simultaneously

bashing through the

BIG STAN:

Get up! You're embarassing me!

44 INT. HALLWAY 44

With self-conscious Hope/Crosby "We're in trouble now"

howls, Hawk and Tommy barrel down the hallway toward the

men's room. Big Stan gives chase.

44A EXT. OUTSIDE LEDGE 44A

Hawk rolls out of the hole in the glass to join Tommy.

They scurry off and look to the floated divider rope on

the other roof.

TOMMY:

Come on, speed it!

HAWK:

I can not tell you how happy I am

that we covered our tracks.

(CONTINUED)

INSERT 26A.

INT. HALL -NIGHT

TOMMY:

What did you do with the skateboard?

INT. ANOTHER HALL

HAWK:

Left?

TOMMY:

No, straight.

INT. ANOTHER HALL

TOMMY:

What are we running for? See how

fat that guard is?

HAWK:

Look who's talking.

HUDSON HAWK -Rev. 7/6/90 27.

44A CONTINUED:
44A

TOMMY:

Hey, I'm not as fat as that guard

am I.

HAWK:

Oh, no, man, you're a reed compared

to that guard.

--Big Stan is revealed to be stuck in the glass hole.

However, he is able to raise his GUN and FIRE. Hawk

and Tommy yelp and scramble to the ledge.

They look down to the huge auction house awning and trade

gulps.

HAWK:

Come on, Slim Jim.

HAWK AND TOMMY:

I got a bad feeling....

HAWK:

I can't even swim.

TOMMY:

Hell, the fall'll probably kill ya...

HAWK:

Let me ask you, how do I look?

Big Stan raises his gun.

Hawk and Tommy jump and AAAGH down the face of the

building.....

Closer and closer to the awning....

The viewer focuses upon Hawk as he free-falls......

CUT TO:

45 RIGHT INTO A LAZ-Y-BOY CHAIR 45

Hawk continues his "fall" into a ridiculously huge

reclining chair. The foot stand swooshes out with a

thump. A HAND pulls away the canvas bag with a cackle.

46 INT. GATES APARTMENT--LATE NIGHT 46

Hawk's weirdly reclining viewpoint makes Gates and his

pad more grotesque than they are (No small feat.)

A sub-Radio Shack stereo coughs next to a scary punch

bowl of red, margarita-like substance, beneath the

instantly recognizable framed picture of Those Dogs

Playing Poker, all atop a Jungle Shag.

(CONTINUED)

28.

46 CONTINUED:
46

Gates, in shorts and a Hawaiian shirt-over-a-KEEP ON

TRUCKIN'-T-shirt, raises a loud tumbler with one hand,

the black canvas bag in the other.

GATES:

Hudson Hawkins gets the chair of

honor. How about a Gates-arita?

(toward bowl)

I used real hot dogs.

HAWK:

I'll pass.

Suddenly a light is turned on in the corner, revealing a

seated Cesar and Antony Mario, the latter taking a painful

Gatesarita sip.

CESAR:

Good job, not pretty, but good.

Gates pulls out the horse and looks at it.

GATES:

All this trouble for a horsey.

I may not know art, but I know

what I like.

HAWK:

(to Dog picture)

You certainly do.

GATES:

So when's that Sebastian-CabotBuckingham-

Palace-looking-

Butlerhead getting here?

ALFRED:

Any minute now, dear Mr. Gates.

A malevolently snobbish British Butler, ALFRED, enters in

distaste. He makes a stressful glance to three VANITY

FAIRS on a coffeetable that has a photo of a MAGNETIC

HUSBAND-WIFE-DOG COMBO with the caption: MAYFLOWER POWER.

Hawk notices this.

GATES:

Oh, sorry Jeeves. Gates-arita?

ALFRED:

I'll pass. May I?

(CONTINUED)

29.

46 CONTINUED:
(2) 46

Alfred takes the equestrian model and with a jeweler's

loupe, studies it carefully.

ALFRED:

Leonardo Da Vinci's last commission

for the Duke of Milan. Irreplaceable.

GATES:

Hey, Mr. French, I'm delirious

for you. Now where's my cut?

With dignity, Alfred SMASHES the ancient horse over

Gates's head. Alfred rummages through the debris

REVEALING a perversely labyrinthine CRYSTAL PIECE.

(recognizable from Da Vinci's workshop).

GATES:

You son-of-a......I don't believe

this! You cheerio your way into

my house! And...

Alfred pockets the goodies, but not before Hawk can give

them a confused peruse.

A blade slides down Alfred's arm. Half-yawning, he...

47 ALFRED'S 180 DEGREE POV 47

spins before Gates and the bystanders behind him.

The room's only sound is the stereo's inappropriate

music. Gates shrugs but his voice is off.

GATES:

Like I said. Where's my cu-u-...

Suddenly a line across Gates's neck turns red and blood

begins to gush like a tourist attraction. Gates crashes

down upon the table holding the punch bowl and the stereo,

sending it to the ground, cutting off the music. The Dog

Poker picture falls atop the carnage like a lid.

Blown away, Hawk tries to wiggle his way out of the

recliner. Alfred wipes off his blade with a handkerchief.

ALFRED:

So much for his "cut."

(post-chortle)

Excuse my dry British humor.

(CONTINUED)

30.

47 CONTINUED:
47

ANTONY:

You know, I think Gates promised

Hawk a cut, too.

CESAR:

(rising)

Lovely work, Alfred, taking the

Concorde back?

ALFRED:

Indeed I am, Mr. Mario. I'm

really racking up those frequent

flyer points...

The Mario brothers cackle out. Hawk tries to flail out

of his chair. Alfred turns to him and flicks up his arm.

Hawk sees his life pass before his eyes until he realizes

Alfred is retracting his blade up into his arm and

pulling him up off the chair.

ALFRED:

Ta ta, Hudson Hawk.

48 INT. TOMMY'S RESTAURANT--DAWN 48

Hawk bursts into the bar. Tommy sits on a stool, reading

the paper.

HAWK:

Yo, Stone.

TOMMY:

Did I miss anything?

HAWK:

Gates blackmails me, you drive up,

'did I miss anything?' Gates gets

killed, 'Did I miss anything?'

You probably went to Mrs. Lincoln

at Ford's Theatre and asked 'How

was the show? Did I miss anything?

You want to get this thing looked

at.'

TOMMY:

Geez, Gates was killed. Who do we

send the thank you note to?

Hawk does a combat jump over the bar and begins to fiddle

with the cappuccino machine.

(CONTINUED)

31.

48 CONTINUED:
48

HAWK:

The Butler did it. Guy was a cross

between Alistair Cook and a Cuisinart.

Took Mr. Ed humptied dumptied it over

Gates's head. And gets this, he said

the horsie was made by, get this,

Leonardo..

TOMMY:

(professorial)

Ah yes, a rare Renaissance piece.

Da Vinci's "Sforza," an equestrian

model of a never executed statue.

I consider it to be the prize of

tonight's auction of objets

d'equestrian. Horse things.

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