Human Page #5

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They asked me every day:

"OK, have you changed?"

As it's not possible to change,

I pretended to ignore the question.

After a while,

my father couldn't take any more.

He started yelling at me,

hitting me and saying:

"I know you haven't changed!

"If you bullshit me,

"I'll make your life hell.

"Leave now

if you're really like that."

So, I left. I didn't hesitate.

I left.

I have a son who's now 31 years old

who I love very much.

He's gay, a gay man.

The day that he came out

was quite significant.

I knew that he was struggling

with something.

He'd been suicidal

and he was 18 years old.

He said to me one day:

"Dad, I've got to tell you something."

And I said:

"OK, son, tell me, what is it?"

He went pale, he really went white,

and he said:
"I feel sick."

And my heart really went out to him.

At that moment, I kind of knew

that he was going to tell me

he was gay

although I hadn't made

that connection,

because he's quite masculine

in his traits.

At that moment, I had a sense

that's what he was going to tell me.

So, I said to him:

"Son, let me guess.

"Let me make it easier for you."

He said OK.

I said:
"You're going to tell me

you're gay, aren't you?"

He went:
"Yes, I am."

I just really, really felt for him.

It was such a struggle for him

to tell me that.

Everything sort of made sense,

because he didn't want to be gay.

And that's why he'd been suicidal.

I just gave him a big hug

and said:
"I love you anyway, son.

"It doesn't make any difference

to how much I love you."

And I think that

our relationship has really been

a lot stronger since then.

So, that's been

a journey in itself.

It was in 2009.

A friend, homosexual like me.

When this friend died,

he was buried

in his village cemetery.

But the local imam

gathered together the people,

the young people.

They went to the cemetery

to dig up the body.

They took it, tied it up,

and dragged it through the streets.

The media were there.

They filmed it.

The police came.

Afterwards,

the family got the body back

and buried it again.

It was dug up again. 3 times in all.

In the end, the body was buried

in his father's yard.

Because the Muslim religion says

that when you're homosexual,

if you die,

people can't pray for you,

they can't bury you

in a Muslim cemetery.

That's what they say.

I'm a gay man from Lebanon.

We have no rights over there.

We have no rights

in the Arab world in general.

I think what I can do more

is what I've started to do,

I think I should come out even more.

I am out to my parents.

I am out to my friends,

I am out to my work,

but I think I want to encourage

other people like me

who have nothing to lose.

Because I have a salary,

because my mum

has proven with time,

it took time,

that she'll love me anyway.

Now she knows,

she knows my boyfriend.

She loves me for the way I am,

my dad as well.

My friends as well.

I think if you don't tell anyone,

the other moms won't know

that it's OK to be gay.

People should be less shy,

more daring

when you have nothing to lose.

Some people have a lot to lose.

Those are not the people

that should do the change,

but the ones

that have nothing to lose.

In Iraq, one of my friends

was hit with a car bomb

in front of me.

I chased after the triggerman

with my squad,

with one of my teams.

And we were just...

we wanted to kill that guy.

'Cause I could hear

my buddy screaming, he was hurt.

And so, we're running

as fast as we can.

We're just full of hate and fury.

We just want to do

whatever we can to...

He hurt our friend,

we're going to get him back.

We're just running as fast as we can,

with all that weight.

Just sweat pouring off of us.

Through orange fields,

then we get to a clearing.

It hit me. I mean, this blue sky.

There was an old man

in a white robe and a child.

Just tilling a field, you know,

and that just...

brought me back to reality.

"What am I doing?

"I'm a human being, I'm not...

"I'm not some instrument of revenge."

I don't know. It's like,

you stop and you're like...

Just people doing

people things here,

where I'm supposed to...

where all this violence is happening.

And you stop and you're like...

I don't know, makes you human again.

I get up in the morning,

go to the fields

to get my beans and my corn.

I see ripe beans and corn.

Oh, what joy!

When we get to the field,

we are so happy

that we almost want

to just stand there

as it's so beautiful.

A field of corn or beans

is beautiful.

And every time, it gives us

fresh heart.

At the moment, I have nothing at all.

I farm a small piece of land.

I plant some vegetables to eat.

My husband has just gone

to get his pay,

but it's a tiny amount.

Apart from that,

I have nothing at all.

There's just a hen at home.

If she lays eggs,

I sell them at the market,

then I buy salt and things,

enough to survive each day.

I have no cattle.

I have nothing.

Yes, well,

I, Estima Joseph, say

that my life is finished

in this country.

The rain doesn't fall.

I can't plant anything to harvest

to feed my wife and children.

So, at the moment,

there's no more wood to chop

in the countryside

to earn money,

not even small branches

to make a bag of charcoal.

You can spend a day or two

without any food

for your children

who are crying at your feet.

There's no-one to tell you:

"My dear fellow, take this.

"It's for you,

to help you in the country!"

We're lying down, waiting for death,

because what we call life is over.

You lie there,

you've nothing for your children.

Nothing to give them,

nobody to help you.

You lie there and wait for death.

I call that "life finished".

Life is already finished.

You don't have an animal to sell.

Yes.

Yes, life is completely finished.

Yes.

We had no harvest.

It was so dry

that my husband had 2 wells dug

for 70,000 rupees each.

But as they didn't find any water,

the vines dried up

and we didn't have any grapes.

I think that my husband

already had debts last year

which he couldn't repay.

Now who should be paid back first?

I have no idea what to do.

There's no water anywhere.

There was a well, but it's dry.

There's no more water.

So, how can the debts be repaid?

That's why he committed suicide.

This year,

I was covering a very severe drought

in western Maharastra,

in this country.

And on the one hand,

I was looking at

people facing destitution

due to a water crisis.

On the other hand,

I was looking

at multi-story buildings coming up

with a swimming pool

on every floor.

We're not talking about buildings

with 3 or 4 floors.

There is a plan

for 2 twin towers in Mumbai

even now under construction,

37 floors each,

which means

there are 74 swimming pools.

It's a twin tower.

And then, I went and looked at

who are the people doing

the construction, these laborers.

All the laborers

were landless laborers

and marginal farmers

who had left their villages

as refugees of the water crisis

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