Human Nature Page #9

LILA:

You do?

NATHAN:

Yes, and...

LILA:

You really enjoy my company?

NATHAN:

Yes.

(beat, blurting)

Please don't talk with food in your

mouth, Lila. Please. You're so pretty

and it only mars your... I'm sorry.

I'm being critical.

Nathan pounds his forehead with his fist. Lila waves her

hand to indicate that it's fine. She doesn't say anything

because she's chewing.

NATHAN:

It's just that I have some

peculiarities, and...

LILA:

I like you, too, Nathan.

NATHAN:

You do?

LILA:

Yeah

(beat)

But I have some peculiarities also.

NATHAN:

(happily)

I don't care. I don't care!

(then, concerned)

Like what, for example?

Lila takes a deep breath, about to go into it, thinks better

of it.

LILA:

Like nothing.

Nathan smiles, relieved. Lila smiles back. Nathan recoils

slightly, skittishly half-points to his bared teeth.

Apparently there's a piece of food stuck in Lila's teeth.

She closes her mouth, runs her tongue over her teeth, smiles

again, mouth closed.

CUT TO:

INT. ELECTROLOGIST'S OFFICE -DAY

Rose is doing Lila's feet.

ROSE:

My brother says things are going

really well between you and Nathan.

LILA:

I cannot believe how in love I am

with this man.

ROSE:

Yeah?

LILA:

He's so cute. I even like his cute

little penis. It's like a little

pig's penis or something.

(beat)

Rose, we connect on every level.

I've finally found someone I can

feel completely safe with.

ROSE:

Don't throw that away. I had that

once with a guy. But I threw it away

for a cheap thrill.

LILA:

One night stand?

ROSE:

No. I married a midget.

LILA:

Marrying a midget was a cheap thrill?

ROSE:

Well he wasn't really a midget. He

was on the cusp of midgethood. That's

what made it cheap. Had he been an

actual midget, there would've been

nothing cheap about it, my dear.

LILA:

I didn't know you were into that

sort of thing.

ROSE:

Let me tell you, honey, midgets are

the best kept secret in male

companionship. They're portable.

They're controllable. They're eager.

And they're exactly the right height

for a little covert oral fun on the

dance floor.

LILA:

(screams with delight,

then:
)

I have a friend you might like to

meet.

ROSE:

Oh?

LILA:

Three foot one.

ROSE:

Be still my crotch.

LILA:

Rose, Nathan's no midget, but he's

asked me to move in with him.

ROSE:

Yeah. My brother told me.

LILA:

And I think I'm going to.

ROSE:

(mulling it over)

Stand on a stepladder sometimes.

CUT TO:

INT. WHITE SPACE - DAY

Nathan talks.

NATHAN:

Lila moved in with me. Did I love

her? I thought so. But from my new

vantage point I realize that love is

nothing more than a messy

conglomeration of need, desperation,

fear of death, insecurity about penis

size, and the self-involved, ego

driven need to collect other people's

hearts. Not that I judge it.

(puts head in hands.

beat. looks up)

Listen, I don't want to be dead yet.

Is there any way to...

Nathan looks around for some sign of another person. There

is nobody.

NATHAN:

No I suppose not.

(beat)

No biggie. Anyway, Lila moved in. We

had our problems, but we both wanted

love so badly, we turned a blind

eye.

INT. NATHAN'S APARTMENT - NIGHT

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