Human Traffic Page #3

a lot of men in a day.

Some fall in love with her,

send her chocolates. Some get heavy.

I used to hang around just

in case things got out of hand.

Any trouble, I'd be there,

you know?

But I couldn't do it for long.

I had to leave.

Sometimes I've got to stop

myself from running upstairs...

and beating the living sh*t

out of the man who's there

with my mum, but I never do.

Right, this is the score.

Twenty quid for a blow job,

fifty quid to f*** her.

Mind you, she'll do anything you like,

as long as you've got the cash.

She's got all the gear, you know, sussies,

open-crotch panties, peephole bra.

Fit tits, crackin' arse.

And she'll put on a bit of an act.

Well, they call it acting,

but she really enjoys it.

Know what I mean?

F*** off!.

Shut the f*** up!

[ Jip Narrating ]

Koop goes to see his dad

every day after work.

He never got over his last breakdown

when Koop's mum left them.

Since then, he's invented

his own alternative reality.

His world is split into those on his

side and those on the enemy's side...

who he identifies with

through looks and gestures.

His dad sends and receives

messages telepathically

through TV and satellite,

and he's waiting for a sign

that the mission is over

and his life can start again.

- Hi, Dad.

- Oh, the cavalry.

So, how long do I've got to stay here?

I don't know.

What did our side say?

Tell me the truth, Leon.

Look, I don't know.

It's alright.

I know we both can't talk about it.

It would endanger me, right?

It could be worse, you know?

It could be you among talking the f***ing nerd kisses.

I would like

to propose a toast...

to the bird for giving her

Mac job the finger...

and for successfully

gaining unemployment.

What a f***ing mistress!

Thank you.

Thank you.

Already feels great to be

part of the two million.

I'm looking forward to

sitting on my arse for a bit,

having reversed sleeping

patterns and getting into

some hard-core "Richard and Judy".

[ Photographers Clamoring ]

[ Laughing ]

[ Dance ]

- [ Nina ] Go, girl!

Come on, sugar!

Show it to me!

[ Music in the background ]

...Last night a DJ saved my life...

- Check out the booty.

- They want you, honey.

They want you, sugar. Come on.

- Listen, now. Go, girl.

...'Cause I was sitting there bored to death...

...And in just one breath he said...

...You gotta get up...

...You gotta get off...

...You gotta get down, girl...

[ Laughing ]

...Last night a DJ saved my life.

[ Music ends ]

[ Jip Narrating ] Koop dreams of being

the world's top club spinner,

but he reckons it doesn't matter

how well you can beat mix.

You ain't a DJ

until you can scratch.

[ Hip Hop Music incl. scratching

Doctor X Puffin' tha Herb ]

Puff, puffin'

Puff, puffin'

Pu-puff,

Puff, puffin' tha herb

Herb, herb

Herb, h-h-herb

Puffin' tha herb

Puffin' tha herb

Puffin' tha herb

H-Herb

H-Herb

H-H-Herb

Puffin' tha herb

Puffin' tha herb...

[ Jip Narrating ] But he

can't scratch to save his life.

He just digs the fantasy, man.

Go on, my son!

[ Cheers, Applause ]

So is your brother still

going out with you lot tonight, yeah?

Yeah, under the wing.

He hasn't dropped before,

has he?

No, breaking his cherry tonight.

- How old is he? Seventeen?

- He's gonna do it eventually,

so I reckon...

he's better off with me

than mixing with

the wrong crowd, you know?

- Just keep an eye on him though, yeah?

- Hmm.

I'm about to be part

of the chemical generation.

Doves, playboys, biscuits, barrels,

calis, clear caps, China whites,

rhubarbs, looney tunes,

New Yorkers.

Bang on it.

Larging it.

The full monty, safe as houses,

pair of trousers, what a laugh,

let's do another half.

[ Jip Narrating ]

Now Lee is Nina's little brother.

None of us know him, but he's gonna

take drugs with us anyway.

His enthusiasm scares me, man.

He reminds me of myself...

when I was at the beginning

of my ecstasy honeymoon.

Are your legs open,

you filthy little harlot?

- Is that you, Koop?

- Aw, f***! Sh*t!

Yeah. Sorry, Lu.

Is Nina there, please?

Sorry.

- Hello.

- Are your legs open?

- Of course.

- Then I'll begin.

[ Rap music starts playing ]

[ Koop rapping ]

...Girl, I'm gonna tie you up

and wear the mask...

...With your strap-on cock

f*** me up my ass...

...Your sexual powers

leave me drained for hours...

...But I've gotta draw the line

at golden showers...

...And, girl, you've got

the sweetest arsehole...

...It's like a pink, quivering

rabbit's nostril...

...Peace.

[ Laughing ]

What are you f***ing like?

Superb. Thank you, sweetie.

Sh*t. You got

your party head on for tonight?

More so than Wurzel Gummidge

on a kilo of Charlie Chan.

But Lulu's not coming now.

What? Oh, sh*t.

Why not?

She couldn't get a ticket,

and she can't be arsed

because of that twat.

- Jip's not gonna be a happy shopper.

- Oh, f***ing hell.

- Who'd have a ticket?

- If I found one,

do you reckon she'd go?

Maybe. If Jip brings her.

Geezer!

Hey! What's happening, man?

How's it going?

Are you sorted or what?

Hey, you're really cool, man.

You're really cool.

Eh, I know we've only just met, mate,

but I think I love you, man.

Eh, show me love,

show me love, show me love!

[ Laughs ]

Eh, safe as f***, you are, aren't you?

I can't fault you,

can I, brother?

- It's like them f***ing rookies

back at Spike Island, man!

- Jip, Jip!...

- What?

- Listen. Lulu couldn't

get a ticket for tonight.

What?

Sh*t, man. Really?

- Do you know anyone

that's got a spare one?

- Oh, f***.

Uh, I think, I think Moff did.

But I'm not sure.

It was a while ago.

Oh, sh*t, man.

[ Jip Narrating ]

I've got to get Lu out tonight, man.

I need to cheer her up,you know?

Get her mind off that twat.

When we hit the clubs together,

we're like Bonnie and Clyde,

man, way out West.

She's the only girl I've ever

felt chilled with,you know,

because we've never

fancied each other.

Nothing could ever happen between us.

I don't have to try and impress her...

or worry about

embarrassing silences.

I've gotta get her a ticket

and put a smile back on her face.

[ Phone Ringing ]

- Hello?

- Hello!

- Oh, hello.

- Any contact with the Tyler, the germ?

- Yeah, I get that prick the verbal post mortem this afternoon.

- Oh, respect, respect, to the bird most, aye.

Listen, I hear you couldn't get a ticket.

Yeah, well, it's been

a lucky week for me, you know?

Well, I think that your luck

is gonna change, sister,

child of the beat, because...

if I just reach down here

and dip...

into my "Uncle Santa Jip

will fix it" magic box,

you will find one freshly cut

and preserved ticket

for tonight's Asylum.

- You got one?

- Ah, yes. Ah, yes. I certainly did.

Well, I don't know, Jip.

The batteries are a bit low, you know?

Aw, f*** that sh*t, Lu.

Come on.

Come on. Everyone's going.

Come on, Lu. Me and you, yeah?

Come on, you've got to go.

Lister, Tyler is a prick, right? He's a prick.

Do not go down with that one goose paw.

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