Humboldt County Page #2

the dogs on the leashes

they'll walk into the street

and get killed by a car.

Two-ton slabs of metal hurtling at

high speed down a concrete path--

Those aren't supposed

to exist in nature.

They aren't natural.

Natural.

Motherfuckers.

You should try some.

It takes the city edge right off.

I'm fine.

( laughs )

Let's get you started off.

Hey, sweater vest,

you one of Bogart's strays?

- Um, yeah.

- Yes?

You know you're nothing special.

Thank you.

I'll keep that in mind.

You know, she might not

want to talk to you--

You guys, you go easy on him.

Just saying hello.

Hey, Bogey, haven't seen you in a while.

How's it going?

You're looking very Humboldt, Steve-O.

Thank you very much.

Yeah.

( giggles )

So what's been going on

with you guys?

Aw, you know, the usual sh*t.

We're fixing up the place.

We got an HDTV. It's huge.

It's f***ing monstrous.

- Listen, I--

- Oh, we're also going in together

with Max on an ATV this summer.

I'm not going in

on sh*t with you guys.

Well, you must be saving

up for something, right?

I haven't seen you

in town much, Max.

PETER:
Can I have a word?

Fellas, I've been busy.

- It's been busy.

- PETER:
Excuse me--

STEVE:
Busy, yeah, whatever.

Hey, listen, we got a new sound system.

You guys want to check it out?

- Yeah, we got a subwoofer.

- This thing is awesome.

- PETER:
Bogart--

- It's huge. It's got like four speakers...

PETER:
Bogart--

- It's the subwoofer--

- Right, it's the subwoofer.

- Subwoofer?

- Yeah. Let's check it out.

- Check it out?

- Come on.

- How many speakers?

- Bogart!

I need to go home.

- Oh, here we go!

- ( all whooping )

MAN #1:
The Genny's going.

Genny's going.

MAN #2:
Genny's going.

Listen, I'll give you a ride to the

bus stop in the morning, okay?

- I love you, daddy. Good night.

- Good night.

Charity, honey, can you

show Peter where he can crash?

I'll follow you?

CHARITY:
It's a little hard to see.

I'm sorry.

Hey, why do they

call your mom Bogart?

Uh, she's not my mom.

Oh.

Because she Bogarts the pot.

She--

A verb which means

to hold instead of pass.

You shouldn't know

about all this stuff.

What stuff?

All the, uh,

the marijuana.

It's just a plant.

Yeah, but you're so young.

I think it's nicer than beer.

You're funny.

Where is your mother?

She died a long time ago.

Oh.

- So, Bogart--

- She's kind of like my aunt.

Her parents left, so my grandma and grandpa

adopted her when she was little.

Hmm.

My daddy and her have sex.

Wow.

They say it's okay to have sex

with other people,

but I don't think

they really mean it.

Yeah.

Did you have sex with Bogart?

Uh, did I--

Uh--

- I don't feel comfortable talking--

- Okay.

So, do you want me

to read you a book?

What do you have?

Oh, here's my favorite.

How about

"the closing of the American mind"?

That'll do.

Okay.

- ( kissing )

- BOGART:
Mmm...

MAX:
You should help me

with my crop.

How much are you growing?

How much? Uh--

A lot?

More than a lot.

- Nnnn...

- No, but I've got a system, okay?

- Max, no!

- I just need a couple of hands at the end.

You know that a big crop is messy.

- You know that people notice.

- Jesus Christ,

you sound like f***in' Jack.

Oh, yeah?

- Yeah.

- Oh!

- Babe, once I get this harvest done...

- ( moans )

Charity, she'll have a real home.

Then I'm gonna farm a legal crop,

I swear to you.

It sounds good, baby, it does.

- But--

- But what?

What would I do?

Where would I stay?

You'd stay with me.

No.

Why not?

Because.

Because why?

God damn it, man!

It's this place.

It's beautiful, Max, but it's a f***in' trap.

I can't be here!

So what are you gonna do,

go to another city and sing a few more songs

until you pick up another

little parasitic f***--

- Ugh. You know--

- What is that guy?

- What's his name again?

- Peter. His name's Peter.

- Oh, you know his name. That's interesting.

- Yeah, I know his name.

- 'cause normally you don't even know his f***ing name!

- Why are you doing this?

Why am I doing what,

asking you to stay?

Trying to figure out once and for all

why you won't,

or you don't, or you can't--

I just can't.

Anyway...

- I love you.

- I love you too. I love you too.

Hey, get up!

- Get up! They shot 'em!

- Huh?

For the drugs!

Man, they're all dead.

- We gotta get the f*** out of here.

- What?

- The drugs, man! We're f***ed!

- Oh my God!

- We gotta get the f*** out!

- Oh my God!!!

- ( Peter screaming )

- Daddy, Peter...

( screaming )

( yelling, laughing )

- Yeah!

- Yeah!

Yeah, we outta here!

We're out of here.

Good morning!

Good morning!

( screams ) "oh my God!"

MAX:
Oh my God!

It hurts, it hurts me!

( both continue screaming )

What do you mean she's gone?

Like the wind.

She rarely stays for more than a night.

A child of Humboldt either can't

leave or can't stay.

- I might have pissed her off a little. ( chuckles )

- Is she coming back?

She might--

yeah, she'll be back in like a week--

- Or a year.

- CHARITY:
10 years.

MAX:
10 years.

No service. F***!

F***!

- Oh, sorry.

- That's okay.

Thank you.

- Are these too burnt?

- That looks okay.

I think you really like them burnt,

so I don't know.

Voicemail.

Uh, hi, Dad.

It's Peter.

Hadley.

I'm um--

Right now I'm--

This is funny.

( chuckles )

You're gonna think

this is really funny but, um--

You see, there was this--

( dialing )

Yeah. I think that's

kind of toasty, though.

Dad, it's me, Peter, again.

Listen, I'm um--

Listen, I know there's some way

to sort this all out,

And I'm going to handle it.

I don't want you to worry.

I've just got to get back to L.A.

See, I'm, well--

I'm not--

These are good.

- Right now I'm in the middle of--

- Banana?

of the um--

well, it's like I was saying,

there was th--

Okay, I've really got

to get out of here.

I'll take you to town when I get

back from the store.

Um, no, you don't understand.

I--

Be back in a half hour.

Stay put.

Eat up, Charity.

CHARITY:
Okay.

Okay, that's 100 back.

Here's your receipt.

Oh God.

Oh, this is--

illegal.

( door closes )

I'm in a house of crazy people.

Um, Mr. Truman?

Jack?

Yes, I can hear you.

Must I acknowledge?

Oh, uh, I can't

seem to find the bathroom.

( laughs )

( rock playing on stereo )

PETER:
Why are we stopping?

Jack said he saw some tweakers.

I just want to check on my plants.

- Oh.

- Stay here. I'll be right back.

Um...

Max?

- Max? Max?

- ( tools jangling )

We gotta get to the bus station.

Max.

- Max, the bus leaves in--

- Patience. Virtue. Et cetera.

F***.

Where have you been?

Oh, sh*t.

( laughs )

It is late.

It is late.

( whistles )

I'll tell you,

this business,

I mean, it's

very unpredictable.

- I'm on call too.

- Can we go?

I gotta get to the bus station.

I'm filled with guilt about this one,

I really am.

- You missed the last bus.

- What?

Not a lot of options here.

( spits )

This is cold.

- I missed the bus.

- Not a lot of options here.

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