Humboldt County Page #3

Oh, Jesus.

I would have been back

sooner, man,

but I ran into an irrigation issue.

Problematic.

I missed the bus.

- It's just for a day, man.

- You don't understand.

It's not just a day.

I can't afford to waste

any more time here.

I need to get back

and get things in order--

Maybe you should have thought about that

earlier, before you came up north.

But that Bogart,

Lotta temptation.

Hey.

Road's right there.

You're more than welcome

to throw up a thumb.

- Okay.

- ( kicks bucket )

I will.

( chuckles )

It's only a day.

( sighs )

It's only a day.

You're here for the night, right?

This is good.

I got an irrigation issue.

It's a two-man job.

I could use you.

I can't exactly take

an ad out in the paper.

I don't know.

Helping with a marijuana--

plantation.

You can't live your

entire life by the books,

can you?

( birdcall )

( birdcall )

Easy, easy.

Is this your

marijuana garden?

How many are there?

A half dozen,

enough to get by.

White, raping, slave-owning

motherfuckers.

- You hear me?

- I do.

( phone rings )

That's what they are.

I don't have no time to be bothered

with raping, slave-owning motherfuckers.

- ( phone ringing )

- Should someone get that?

They got a monopoly

at the general store.

Ain't no different

from f***in' Wal-Mart,

Except it's in my

goddamn backyard.

Bob and Steve is here.

They comin'.

They comin', baby.

They're coming

to build their hotels

and their houses,

and the gas stations--

the traffic.

They're coming from

the Beverly Hills mansions,

and they gonna rape the land,

they gonna rape the women,

and they gonna rape

my f***in' a**hole.

But what's wrong with

some development?

I mean, a lot of these homes

are very poorly constructed.

F*** off and die.

JACK:
What happened?

Did they leave anything?

- No.

- Not a one.

Do you have enough

money to last you?

- A couple of months.

- We're f***ed.

Well, you can certainly

clip for us in the fall.

It's the Feds, ripping every

last plant out of the earth.

- BOB:
It wasn't the Feds.

- We were robbed, Zelda.

They f***ing hit me

with a gun barrel.

BOB:
They jacked our

f***ing plants.

- F***ing Feds.

- The Feds don't run into your patch with a gun

- and f***ing pistol-whip you.

- I saw them. It wasn't the Feds.

Solids and liquids

are differentiated

one from another

by the way the material

responds to stress.

If the material deforms,

stays deformed,

or springs back

when the stress is removed,

it's a solid.

If instead the material

flows when stressed

and rearranges itself

in such a way

as to remove the stress,

it's a liquid.

In the past there's been

too many secrets,

too much espionage.

We're gonna have to adapt

if we expect to survive.

Have I gone insane and

completely forgotten

inviting you in here?

Sorry. I went out to pee, and, um--

Get the f*** out.

Right.

( harrumphs, chuckles )

Have an edifying day at school.

( laughs )

- Bonjour, Jack.

- a va?

We were wondering

whether you or Max

would be contributing to the

pencil patch this year.

Both, actually, Lord willing.

Merci. We are very grateful.

- Glad to do our part.

- Excuse me.

Children, allez!

Vite!

The pencil patch?

A while back a bunch of us got tired

Driving our kids 50 Miles to school.

So we built this place,

funded annually by the parents

of the children who can.

One or two plants--

pencil patch.

My God. If my father heard that

I think his head would explode.

The complexities of the modern

father-son relationship.

Hasn't changed much.

Well, you and Max seem

to get on pretty well.

It's complicated,

captain.

I guess we haven't reached

the event horizon yet.

The event horizon?

The event horizon is the point

around a Black Hole

where nothing beyond

that point can escape,

even light.

My point is is it's your

big kahuna point of no return.

If you had crossed it--

that event horizon--

how would you know?

Because you would be ripped apart

molecule by molecule.

You're still intact, so

I wouldn't worry about it.

- Yeah.

- ( school bell rings )

Oh, hey. You ready

to go to the bus station?

Uh--

Ahem--

( laughs )

Critter control, slick.

Oh, yeah.

It helps protect the plants.

Why don't you do that side over there?

( whispering )

Oh, these buds. Oh my God.

F***in' purple.

I love it.

- ( peeing )

- Beautiful.

How long have you been smoking that?

I went into my mom's stash

when I was--

Eight.

Or nine.

When I was eight I was--

I was drinking Kool Aid

and watching "The Smurfs."

You have your drugs,

I have mine.

Let me see that.

What?

It's medicine, right?

It's just a flower, man.

Go for it.

Just--

It's not so bad.

You gotta hold it into your lungs.

( gags )

( coughs )

You don't cough, you don't get off.

Am I supposed to feel something now?

'Cause I don't feel anything,

which is strange,

because once inhaled,

that THC should

travel throughout

the bronchial tree,

bathing the brain and vital

organs within seconds.

I should feel something,

shouldn't I?

I don't feel high.

Am I high?

I don't feel high.

( birds chirping )

The sun--

Mmm.

Mmm.

I don't feel high.

Don't you worry about the police?

( spits )

The local pigs?

No way, man.

The Feds-- they're the ones

to worry about.

They come later, during harvest.

Man, these motherfuckers,

they're funded.

They got helicopters

and spotter planes,

ex-special forces.

They came a few years back.

I had enough plants-- maybe 10

or so, just to get by,

pay my rent, get Charity

some new school clothes,

books and sh*t.

But that's usually enough

to do it--

Small plants, no problem.

But that wasn't the case this time.

They came flying in.

I mean, the Feds, they want

the big crops, right,

so they can report that sh*t

on the news.

But they came flying in,

circling around, man.

They give you the death circle.

If you get the death circle,

You gotta run like hell,

go down to the beach

and wait it out.

And hopefully

when you get back,

your crops

are still there.

You just run to the beach?

The Feds just want the plants, man.

If you're not around

when they take them,

then you skip the jail part.

And that's when I lost everything, man.

I lost everything.

I moved into the trailer,

I had to move Charity

in with Jack and Rosie.

That's the deal.

( grunts ) I tell you,

the people around here,

they don't have a plan,

you know?

I'm not in it for the HDTV

and a f***ing La-Z-Boy,

you know?

I'm taking care of my own.

Max, I forgot about the bus.

The bus.

ROSIE:

Oh, Charity, that's wonderful.

Jack, look. Charity's rolled

a beauty! She's a natural.

- You're in. The first to Mars.

- Really?

- Mars?

- Oh, God, Jesus.

Gram's gonna colonize Mars.

What, like the planet?

- Stupid--

- ( door opens, closes )

It's an important project.

Practically speaking,

you're gonna have to

terraform the planet, right?

And the best way to do that--

I don't know any other

way to say it--

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