Husbands Page #3

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You can guess the rest of your life,

you'll never know where I'm from.

You're from the Southwest.

- Yeah, you're from...

- New York!

Manhattan, baby.

He's won the friendship award.

You're terrific. You're terrific.

Oh, my God.

- This guy's terrific.

- Give him a big hand.

- Brooklyn.

- He hates it.

It's Brooklyn, right?

That's Brooklyn, of course.

What would it be?

Love your hat. Love your hat.

He could've done this, look...

Need any help?

We're gonna forget what we know.

Nothing else in my favor.

Can you imagine, after all we've been

through, not to be able to vomit?

I didn't...

I figured this thing out, psychologically.

This thing of vomiting...

This thing of vomiting is psychological.

Are you all right?

Gus, are you all right?

Sh*t.

Sh*t, vomit. Vomit, sh*t.

Have you had enough?

That's better.

Get it out.

You know, you guys look terrible.

I have such pains and heat here.

Suffocating! My eyes are tearing.

I get the feeling you want to be alone.

So, why do I get the feeling

that you want to be alone?

At first, there were four of us.

And now there are three of us,

and you want to be alone.

All right.

Then I might as well be alone.

Wonderful. Wonderful.

Wonderful.

Gus, I feel sick.

And I don't like to be sick

in front of people.

I mean, people barging in on you

when you're sick...

- I agree with you.

- I asked you not to say anything.

Now, you're either going to be quiet,

or you're gonna go.

- Okay?

- Okay.

Gus, nothing! Silence!

Silence?

- Boy, I feel like screaming.

- I don't care what you feel. I don't care...

I want to tell you how I feel!

Listen, Gus. Gus,

I want to tell you how I really feel.

I mean, I want to tell you

what's really bothering me.

I'm going to tell you now what it is.

What it must be. 'Cause it's

not the sickness. I can live with that.

No, here's what it is.

It's a tremendous need.

An anxiety. It's a...

You see, that's what happens.

I forget what it is.

I mean, what is it?

It's got to be important. Right?

'Cause, well, like, what are you feeling?

I mean, what are we supposed to be feeling?

'Cause what I'm feeling...

I don't know what I'm feeling!

You see what I mean?

In other words...

You see, it's...

I've got to find out

because I know what it is.

No, no, it's a...

- There's a need there. And there's anxiety.

- It's guilt.

- Guilt?

- Guilt.

Guilt?

- That would be terrible.

- It's terrible.

God, oh, God. God.

- That would be terrible.

- What is it? Just say what it is.

- I'm not gonna say it. It's not that.

- Just say, "I'm guilty," that's all.

I never had bad thoughts.

I swear to God I never had a bad thought.

If I died yesterday, I'm clean.

Gus, I'm an idealist.

- I'm a positive person. I mean, as long as...

- You're an idealist, you are.

As long as you've known me,

I've always tried to see

the good side of everything.

I mean, whenever possible, is that right?

You want to be alone?

You want to be alone?

Be alone!

- Let the dead lie.

- Let the dead lie?

- Let the dead lie!

- Let it go.

It's a proper thought.

No, it isn't.

What a smell!

What a terrible smell.

I really hate it. I hate vomit.

You get all the blood out of it,

just disgusting.

- Hey, you got something on your mouth.

- Just disgusting.

Right there.

Right there, right there, right there!

Right there!

Get me a paper! I know it's there.

Get me some paper! Hand me the paper!

Got something on your foot!

You got something on your foot there!

You got something on your foot there, too!

You got something on that foot there!

Right there! Right there.

- Where?

- Right there.

Come here. Come over here.

Come over here.

Oh, you stink. Oh, you stink.

Oh, that silly son of a b*tch is

on the door.

I feel very good. Very good.

- What are you guys doing in here?

- Having a private moment.

- Private moment about what?

- About Stuart.

About Stuart? Expect me to believe that?

Every time my back is turned

you guys are whispering about...

Every time my back is turned

you guys are talking. Talking.

Whispering about me.

- Are you kidding?

- Talking behind my back.

I've been onto you for a long time.

I just have too much class to spell it out!

- Why don't you spell it out?

- I could never talk to you.

- You're insensitive!

- I'm insensitive?

- And you're insensitive!

- I'm insensitive?

You're sensitive? You can't even vomit.

Make your point.

Harry. You get to work on time.

You fawn over your wife.

You're absorbed by yourself

and you have no sense of humor.

I have no sense of humor?

I have no sense of humor?

I have no sense of humor?

You're clutching at straws.

You have nothing.

If I said what was really on my mind,

you'd be crying.

- Say it.

- Harry, you're a phony.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

I'm a phony? I'm a phony?

Nobody calls me a phony!

Bite his finger! Bite his finger!

I'm a phony, huh? I'm a phony?

No! Nobody calls me a phony!

Nobody calls me a phony!

No! Nobody calls me a phony!

- No, nobody calls me a phony!

- Good friends don't fight! Good friends...

- Nobody!

- Come here.

Come on. Hey, Archie, come here.

Shake hands!

Come on, now, shake hands!

Give me a dime, Archie.

Harry, I'll not only give you a dime,

I'll give you my life.

Now, you want a dime, you got a dime.

Give it to me.

He won't call her.

I'll call my wife and tell her

about my friends.

What did you do, darling? Went to a funeral.

How was it? Marvelous!

How's that for a two-day venture?

What's my number? I forgot my number.

Gus, what's my number?

Seven, four, three, two...

I know it. I know it. Seven, four, what?

Seven, four, three, what?

- Seven, four, three...

- I know it! I know it. I know it.

Loved the answer. "I know it. "

Give me a beer.

God damn!

You guys going to work today?

Gus?

You going to work today?

I don't know, Harry.

- Archie?

- I'm thinking about it.

Louder! I can never hear you!

Harry, I said I was thinking about it!

- Are you going to work today?

- I'm thinking about it.

Well, I'm going to work today!

I'm going to go right home and go to work.

- You know, you've got an awful lot to learn.

- Let's go home. Gus.

You know absolutely nothing about people.

Arch.

You know you screwed up tonight.

- What do you want?

- Let's go.

I don't know why I bother with you anyway.

I hate this man. I hate him.

I really hate him.

Let's get out of here.

Gus, Archie,

look what I did to the phone booth.

I kicked the hell out of it.

Yeah.

Like I've been telling my wife for years.

Aside from sex, and she's very good at it,

God damn it, I like you guys better.

I really do. Now, who the hell else

could put up with me, huh?

I'm a jerk. I know it.

So let's go home and get it over with.

Gus,

I love you.

Archie...

- Don't do that to me, I'll kill you!

- I could kiss you on the mouth.

I love you. I love you both.

- Get away from me.

- Now, let's go home and get it over with.

You fairy!

Fairy Harry!

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