Husbands Beware

I do.

And I pronounce you men and wives.

Congratulations.

And now, if you could excuse me,

I have a hurry to testify

at a divorce. Goodbye.

- Bye!

- Bye.

We'll never forget you,

boy. If it wasn't for you,

we would never marry

your lovely sisters.

Oh, I'm a cupid. Anyway,

better you should support them than I.

Well, now for our nuptial kiss.

What's the idea?

That's just to show you

who'll gonna be boss around.

- Como here.

- Now wait a minute...

Now, get into the kitchen

and roast the turkey.

Yeah, make some muffins and coffee!

Wait a minute! We

don't know how to cook!

It's time you learn.

That's what husbands

are for! Now get going!

Wait a minute, wait a

minute, wait a minute!

- But girls, I didn't...

- Shut up!

Now go on, pick off the

feathers of that turkey

while I study how to cook it.

- Why you...!

- Wait a minute, Moe!

Do I like that a David Crockett?

No, come on, peel that turkey!

There must be an easier way

to get the feathers off that turkey.

I get an idea! Wait!

That's over lighty? Right, sir!

Hey!

I better get busy with this turkey.

Gee fellas, I didn't

know my sisters are so .

To prove it I'll help you.

Yeah? Well, get over there

and make some muffins and coffee.

- Go ahead!

- Alright.

Now get back to business here.

Poor turkey, I cut it!

Wait a minute, I'll

get the stephic pencil.

Watch your "stephic".

See now... muffins, muffins... muffins.

Three spoons of flour.

One... two... three.

And one egg.

Now I add some milk.

Now a pinch of baking powder,

no, a spoon of baking powder.

Oh, I'll make it rich.

Now I'll mix well.

Please, make like this.

Thank you.

There we are.

Did you have the shave lotion?

Righto!

Powder!

See you later, fellas.

Let's see. "In order to brown the turkey

you paint it with salad oil."

Salad oil, let see, maybe it's in here.

No.

Salad oil! Well!

There we are. Round down, kid!

There we are!

Okay.

Here we are. Let's go.

Open up the stove, boy!

Open that door.

- So already lit!

- Now roast it!

This bird will be out of this world.

Yeah, too good for those

elephants we married.

Hey, it's on fire! Do something!

Step aside!

Good work, kid.

- Delicious turkey!

- Nice hot muffins!

And I made it myself.

Oh, that's a cheap modern furniture.

Soap!

Trying to poison us, hein?

You, you no good assasins!

Wait a minute, wait a...!

You want poison us, will you?

But I can explain...

- You too!

- What do you want...?

Marry us with those two no goods!

Why you...! Get out of our house!

Boy, if that's married life

I don't want any part of

it. I'll never get marry.

But you hooked us alright.

And we'll get even with you!

Hey, wait a minute, Shemp,

we gonna get the music class.

That's enough. That's enough.

We've done enough for today.

You might hurt your voice.

You know, bend it, crack

it or break it or something.

Professor, you're so considerate.

I'm just crazy about you!

Don't forget, we've got

another lesson Tuesday.

Gargle with old razor blades.

All right, Professor.

I know you wouldn't want

anything to happen to my throat.

Except to have somebody cut it.

How'd you like to be

married to a dame like that?

Don't even say that.

I oughta...

You oughta what?

I oughta be a little more careful.

Shut up and listen.

Do you remember your Uncle Caleb?

Do I? Why, that old tightwad.

He'd steal flies from a blind spider.

- But, Shemp, he's...

- He's a louse and a weasel.

Yeah? Well, he just died

and left you $500,000.

Just like that old skinflint.

Five hundred thousand bucks?

But there's one little catch.

You get the dough

provided you're married.

So... Married?

No. No, fellas. I'm gonna faint.

- Or...

- Or what?

If you get married within 48 hours

of the reading of the will.

What time was that?

6:
00 the night before last.

You just got seven hours

to get yourself a bride!

It can't be done.

No woman is interested in me.

Maybe not, pal.

But if you look real

hard, you might find one

that's interested in

a half a million bucks!

Maybe you've got something there.

You're darn right he

has. You know any girls?

I've got a lot of numbers,

but I haven't had much

luck with them lately.

Well, you can't get killed for trying.

Where's the phone?

There's a booth down the hall...

Well, what are we waiting for? Come on!

Down the hall!

Hello? Is this Ginger Gray?

It is? Well, this is

your little snookums.

I'm about to do you a big favor.

Will you marry me?

Hey! Any luck?

I've got one phone number

and one nickel left.

Well, start using it.

You clumsy ox, you. Where'd that go?

It went down here someplace.

Let's find it.

I think it went over that side.

It didn't go over there.

Get off of me here.

- Here, take this receiver.

- I got it, I got it.

All right, just take it...

- Get this out of my hair here.

- All right.

Easy, easy, easy. Get off your foot.

Now wait a minute. Can

you dial from there?

- No. Can you?

- Yeah.

If I come around like this way

and get up in this one...

How's that?

Well, it don't feel as

good as when I did this.

Wait, wait, wait. Take it easy.

Now look...

We ain't getting no place fast.

Let's get at this thing the right way!

Let me get this off!

How you doing?

Get your hand out of my face.

That ain't my hand. That's your hand.

All right. You asked for it.

Wait.

- We've got to get out of this.

- Alright.

There isn't much time left.

You know that, don't you?

Alright.

- What happened?

- That's what I wanna know.

Wait a minute!

- Did you get a load of that?

- What a dish!

- I wonder who she is.

- We'll soon find out.

- Oh, boy.

- Yes.

- Who's the new dame?

- A Miss Hopkins.

Miss Hopkins. Did you hear that, kid?

And good looking too.

Go get her, Shemp.

Oh, wait a minute!

You can't propose to a

girl looking like that.

We've gotta give you the works. Come on.

- Hello.

- Oh, hello.

Come in! Cousin Basil, oh!

I'm so happy to see you!

I... I...

I've just been dying to meet you!

And you're even cuter

than Aunt Sadie said you were.

Oh, boy, success!

Yeah, listen to those kisses.

Cut it out!

Oh, you must be exhausted

after your long trip.

Sit down. Let me look

at you, Cousin Basil.

Now don't you go away.

Hello? Yes, this is Miss Hopkins.

You're Cousin Basil?

Well, then who is...?

I was...

How dare you pretend

to be my cousin Basil?

I'll teach you a thing or two! You wolf!

Don't you dare strike me!

Taking advantage of a poor,

weak, helpless woman!

You... you... you horrible person, you!

- Get up there.

- What happened, kid?

Can I help it if I ain't Cousin Basil?

Oh, Professor! Are you all right?

Oh, I'm fine.

All I wanted to do was propose, but...

Propose?

Oh, Professor, this is so sudden.

You mean you'll really marry him?

Oh, of course.

He's my little old dream boat!

Your little dream boat is sailing.

Wait a minute. You're gonna sail away

from a half a million bucks?

We only got two hours left.

Come on. Get going. Come on.

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