I-See-You.Com Page #2

Oh. This is Lydia Anne Layton

Bellinger. What is the problem?

WOMAN:
I'm sorry, ma'am.

Excuse me?

Lydia Anne Layton. You were

in It Lives part 1 and 2.

You were

great in those.

[SIGHS]

Ma'am?

[WHIMPERS]

Ma'am?

Harvey...

got a minute?

[PATS BACK]

Yeah.

LYDIA:
I can't believe

they did this to you.

Well, you can hardly

blame them, Mom.

I mean, Harv here can barely

operate a microwave.

I'd have cut you loose

long ago,

hired a couple of

hungry Young Turks

for the hit they took

paying you.

'Course the company would get

nailed on the benefits.

But if you run the numbers,

at the end of the day,

it was a good call.

Uh, I mean,

for the company.

For you, it sucks.

Can't you ever just shut up?

Hey. Hey!

It sucks for all of us.

We're a family. Come on, Colby.

MAN [ON TV]:
You don't get

to be number one in anything.

I don't care if you're

playing Ping-Pong.

[CLICKS MUTE]

[WATER RUNNING,

TEETH BRUSHING]

That unctuous

Wharton pinhead

said I was an analog

dinosaur.

LYDIA:
Honey, you

had an off-day.

Don't work yourself

into a midlife crisis.

Well, who's

kidding who?

I sell toilets

for a living, Lydia.

When you need a place

to sh*t, you come to me.

Yeah, but you're

the best at it.

[SIGHS]

You don't have to sell toilets.

You could get

any sales job you wanted.

You're just trying

to pump me up.

I haven't begun

to pump you up.

[]

You're not the only one

that's going to be doing

some sucking tonight,

my dear count.

Hm.

AUDREY:
Dad, I'm

looking for Dow's leash.

[GASPS]

[GROANING]

[BOTH SCREAM]

LYDIA:
Oh, my God!

Ah!

Get in.

AUDREY:
Oh, my God!

[WHINES]

[HARVEY

CHUCKLING]

All right, so then what?

HARVEY:
Well, it was

time for the analog dinosaur

to face the digital jungle.

I assume you know how

to use your PowerPoint.

To squirt the bird--

With tons of spam.

The bigger your bandwidth...

The better your chances...

For an extended hard drive--

In the lap link--

With the fastest processor--

Known to man.

I'm sure you know--

That digital compression--

Can make for unsatisfactory

performance.

You have to be familiar--

With adequate protection.

From viruses.

After the inevitable download--

Of your MPEG--

You'll have to take your TIFF.

GIF.

And zip it.

But only after--

The hardware turns to--

Software.

Because if you wind up with a--

Breach in the stream or a--

Leak in your firewall--

You'll hire a specialist--

To determine if the problem--

Is in your chips

or your salsa.

Any questions?

RISHWAIN:
Okay, okay,

okay. Mr. Bellinger.

Is there the slightest relevant

fact in our foreseeable future?

Because your 10 minutes

are over, and it's lunch.

O-Or-- Or we could order in

and-- And work through.

There's a Noah's Bagel

down the road.

Oh. C-could I have a-a Nova lox

on a poppy seed bagel?

Uh, maybe a crunchy

dill pickle, please?

Make that two pickles.

LYDIA:

Thank God for cash advances.

...following reporting

of consumer confidence...

[]

What the--?

[BEEPING]

[PHONE DIALING]

WOMAN:

Bruce Horton's office.

This is Lydia Bellinger.

723-1992.

My account is frozen.

What's up?

I'm sorry, ma'am, but we've

had to suspend your trading.

What do you mean,

no more trading?

Bill Gates, Harvard dropout,

60 billion.

Michael Dell, 16 billion,

quit UT.

Steve Jobs dropped out

after one semester

and went on to build

a little company called Apple.

The list goes on and on, Mom.

There's just no point in

wasting time in college.

A full 18 percent of

every billionaire in America

never even got

a college diploma.

I can't afford the setback

in terms of years.

It might be

too late already.

The IPO window

is closing fast.

HARVEY:

Okay. Listen up.

What's wrong

with you?

Nothing.

Okay.

I've been putting

this off,

hoping things would

somehow turn around,

but, uh, we're gonna have

to batten down the hatches,

dip into our nest egg.

Let's all have

a prayer of thanks

for your mom's

residuals.

[SCOFFS]

Now, I'm expecting you both

to be very grown-up

about this.

Audrey?

Yep.

All nonessentials...

are history

until we turn

things around.

Satellite, cable, DSL,

piano, tap dancing,

restaurants, magazine

subscriptions, tango lessons,

horseback riding, tennis, yoga,

Dr. Jacobs.

You guys wanna keep

any of this stuff,

you're gonna have

to get jobs.

And your cars...

Unless you come up

with the money

to cover

the insurance...

we're selling 'em.

[]

No car?

How am I supposed to

get to school?

It's called a bus,

Audrey.

You know. Bus.

All of it?!

It's all gone?

It's not as bad

as it sounds.

What does that mean?

Many are unrealized losses.

To whom?

I realize the losses

perfectly well.

As long as we don't sell,

it's just on paper.

This is pretty much

the bottom of the market.

You said it was

going up.

It was.

This is just, uh,

a little correction.

Little? We're wiped out.

You've gotta think

long-term. Over time,

these are sure winners.

We're talking Enron here.

Oh.

WorldCom, Global Crossing.

It's not like I gambled

on some fly-by-night

penny stocks.

These are blue-chip plays.

Ah.

[SIGHS]

[SOBS]

We're f***ed.

[SIGHS]

Just f***ed.

You know what

this means, don't you?

We're gonna be living

off of our credit cards.

What?

I just-- Well, I sort of

took out some cash advances.

Sort of?

Just to cover some

margin calls!

[ROARS]

[SOBBING]

[]

Harvey!

You gambled

our life savings away.

Those are

my life savings, first off.

Well, I see.

When it's convenient,

they're your life savings.

When it's debts,

they're my debts.

[GRUNTS]

Well, here's

your computer.

Put that down this instant!

Okay.

Harvey!

[GROANS]

Harvey!

[SCREAMS, GASPS]

Well. I guess

we don't have to worry

about that problem anymore.

[SOBBING]

You f***ing jerk!

[CRYING]

Oh, my God.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Hm.

Colby!

It's your girlfriend.

WOMAN:

What the hell's going on?

Old Harv pulled the plug

on the nonessentials

'cause he's too obsolete

to find a job.

AUDREY [MUFFLED]: She,

like, bent over the tailgate

of his four-by-four

behind the theater,

and he drove her

all the way home.

GIRL [ON PHONE]:

No way.

Way. Why do you think

she's been standing in class

for, like, a week?

Don't eavesdrop, Randi.

You, of all people,

are gonna lecture me

on the morality of privacy?

You spend

your days and nights

looking at naked chicks

on the Web.

Oh, yeah. No.

I mean, you don't have to.

Here.

AUDREY [OVER COMPUTER]:

Oh, my God. Would you?

I mean, I wonder what

a rear delivery feels like.

Could you ever?

No way.

Well, I don't know.

Maybe.

If I were really drunk,

for the right guy.

Do you hear an echo?

GIRL:

What do you mean, echo? No.

You know, rumor has it,

when you were really drunk,

your stepbro

was the right guy.

[GASPS]

Um...

What?!

Oh!

TOY:
I'm Comet the

Hippo. Wanna play?

Hmm.

You f***ing little prick!

How dare you!

Whoa! I thought

we had a deal.

Nancy knows.

If she f***ing knows,

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