I-See-You.Com Page #7

I'm cooking with Ciro.

We're-- We're making ravioli.

Agnolotti.

We're creating life.

You must help us.

Viene. Viene.

I think I will.

Mm.

Mm.

Oh, Ciro.

I don't think

I'm doing this right.

Maybe you should run along

and do your homework.

Um, come help me.

No. No, no, actually, uh--

Uh, I'll show you.

Si.

[SPEAKS ITALIAN]

Uh, slow...

Mm-hm.

...long.

Slow strokes

like this.

Let it mold into your hands.

Huh? Into thick rolls.

[BOTH SPEAKING ITALIAN]

[MOANING]

Like this,

Ciro?

Huh?

Perfetto.

A kiss for

good luck. Ah.

Okay. Now, we have to

move faster and faster

before it gets too hard.

All right, now.

Faster, faster.

Like this. Si, si,

faster. Faster.

[BOTH MOANING]

Eh? We can go faster.

Oh, my--

God!

Oh.

Damn good, Cheerio.

[]

Ciro is

the master.

Mm.

We should cook together

more often.

We should sell

this stuff online.

Mm. Damn good,

Cheerio.

Yeah, it's not bad.

Not bad?

Are you kidding?

It's too bad you didn't have

any shaved white truffles.

That would have

really crowned it.

Tar--

[CLEARS THROAT]

Tartufi bianchi

with seafood?

I would never have thought

of that combination.

It's-- Sounds really good.

My dad was a chef.

Next week, will the sexy

Italian exchange student

get private lessons in love?

And if so, who from?

Mother or daughter?

Log on to see what

they won't show you on TV.

I-See-You.com.

[SIGHS]

COLBY:
All right, we

just hit 10 million hits.

Yeah!

Kid. That's the last time

I do voice-over in a sauna.

But Mr. La Fontaine,

it's a shower.

[G TOM MAC'S "I SEE YOU"

PLAYING]

LA FONTAINE:

Know where your family is?

Don't look now.

They may be on the Web

for the whole

wide world to see.

Watch you, watch me see you

through my naked eye

Watch the future

Turn up your TV

Look at what you never seen

There are no limits

To the modern spy

If you want to be

My future star

All you got to do is open up

Your windows up to mine

Every day is prime time

Never mind...

LA FONTAINE:

Meet the Bellingers:

Harvey, Lydia, Audrey

and Colby.

And watch America's

real nuclear family

melt down on

a computer near you.

I see you...

I-See-You.com.

If they weren't so real,

you'd think it was TV.

I see you

From another point of view

Watching everything

You do...

I-See-You.com.

Giving a whole new meaning

to family home entertainment.

After living with

the Bellingers,

you'll thank God

this train wreck isn't yours.

All you really

want to do

Open your windows up to mine

Every day is prime time

Never mind your cable days...

RANDI:
"Which is how I

came up with the name."

Um, excuse me,

king of the world,

I came up with

the name, remember?

Yeah. Uh, I mentioned that.

They must have just

edited it out or something.

[PIANO PLAYING]

You know, babe...

I've been meaning to talk

to you about something.

Now that our numbers are up

and our Internet partners

are all happy again,

I wanted to talk to you

about fleshing out the C story.

The "C story"?

Yeah, you know how the A story

is basically the family,

Audrey, her b*obs,

and bending over and stuff.

And the B story is basically

the whole Ciro business.

Well, the C story, which

is as yet undeveloped,

is me and you, which

is relatively, uh...flat.

Flat? What are you

talking about?

We need a new character.

I mean, nothing personal.

Our real relationship

will stay the same off camera.

But on camera, things

are gonna be a different deal.

Dysfunction sells.

So, what I'm thinking is,

we basically

replace your character

to build some drama,

have a big confrontation,

a big breakup, you know?

And, uh...you know,

you'll have a great exit.

You're throwing me

off the show?

Well, no. Just

your character, babe.

What? I mean,

am I not good enough?

Am I not pretty enough

to be your girlfriend?

I mean, what?

It has nothing to do

with how I feel.

I mean, you saw what happened

to the numbers

when we brought Ciro onboard.

Hell, it was your idea, right?

Besides, it's way

too heavily slanted female.

So I think it's pretty

obvious that I should have

the equivalent

new love interest.

I think the big blowup

should be next Tuesday.

Big dramatic

breakup?

Yeah.

Hm.

Well, why wait?

Huh?

I said, "Why wait?"

You insignificant,

pretentious, shrimp-dick,

f***ed-your-own-sister

a**hole! Whoa!

[SCREAMS]

Check.

Hey. Psycho.

Enter...Jessica.

Jessica.

Who the hell's Jessica?

Oh, man. Jessica. Heh.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Son of a--

This can't be right.

Hi.

Oh. Can I help you?

I'm Jessica.

Colby's friend.

Ah. Sure.

Come on in, please.

Okay.

I'll, uh-- I'll let

him know you're here.

Okay, thanks.

Jessica.

Yeah.

[FOOTSTEPS RECEDING]

[]

Colby. Hi.

[MUMBLING INDISTINCTLY]

And you are?

Jessica.

Jessica. Uh-huh.

What a beautiful name.

Jessica. [GIGGLES]

Jess-

Hi. Hi. Hi.

Come here.

Hey. Hey.

Who the hell

is Jessica?

She here?

She hot?

Yeah, but who is she?

My new "girlfriend."

I invited her over

to watch Barry Kibrick.

Who said you could

have a new girl?

Who said I couldn't?

I'm the showrunner.

I'm the creative

executive producer.

I'm the f***ing network.

Ah, I'm out of here.

What about Randi?

What about Randi?

She went psycho.

HARVEY:

She went psycho?

I went psycho?

Hey. Before you go down there,

we need to talk a minute.

Is this an error, or are we

really short 296 thou?

What are you talking about?

No.

Oh, I'm sorry. I thought

you were Colby.

That's Colby.

Oh, Colby.

[LAUGHS]

I almost forgot what

you looked like.

We have to talk about

my contract rider.

I'm not doing

any nudity.

Ciao bella.

I see you've

met Ciro,

our exchange student

from the mafia.

[GIGGLES]

Mwah.

Shh.

Cool.

Yeah.

KIBRICK [ON TV]:
Colby, let's

get back to the embryo of the idea

that put I-See-You

on the worldwide map.

I mean, who or what

inspired you to do this?

COLBY:

You know, it was weird.

It just sort of

came to me.

Randi.

I sensed a collective

alienation.

Isn't that Colby?

And a hunger for raw,

unmanufactured reality.

Sort of a schadenfreude,

that America would watch

because they were thinking:

"Thank God there are

other families

"out there that

make mine look normal."

Sounds like he's taking

all the credit, sweetie.

KIBRICK:
...by self or divinity,

Colby, you do write these words:

That you designed and

executed the website,

handled all the now-

precedent-setting

business deals

all on your own.

The power of a singular

vision, Barry.

In fact, as you know,

it's the title of my new book.

Yes, and, uh, quite

obviously understated.

[SIGHS]

That was a huge mistake.

What? What was

a mistake?

Jessica?

Jessica, the book,

the Barry Kibrick interview,

the whole thing.

Because of Randi, right?

Hell hath no fury

as a woman scorned.

That's right,

baby.

[CHUCKLING]

[SIGHS]

You f***er.

[]

[BEEPING]

Hi.

It's so hot out.

I couldn't sleep.

I hope

you don't mind.

Share a cool drink

with me?

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