I.Q. Page #2

he's had experiences in love and pain.

He has a family and friends.

And the one who left, well...

- Time has just passed.

- Ja. This is good, no?

Tell us, what is your field of expertise?

My job? I'm an auto mechanic.

"See the USA in your Chevrolet", huh?

- What do you know about gravity?

- Gravity?

- Ja.

- We have a little gravity problem.

- Please be careful, Edward.

- Take it easy.

- What do you think of our Catherine?

- She's wonderful.

- Wonderful to the power of three.

- To the power of ten.

- We all love her.

- She's engaged, you know.

I know, I saw the ring.

He's a professor of experimental

psychology, James...

- Morland.

- The Rat Man.

You know what he does? He puts

electrodes on the genitals of the rats.

Some day I do that for him.

We threw the racket up

to get the birdie.

We threw Gdel's cane up there

to get the racket.

I threw Podolsky's golf club up there

to get even with him.

We're going to throw Gdel

up there next.

- It's a vicious tree.

- Edward...

What makes you think

she would be better off with you?

- I don't know. Just a feeling.

- A feeling? What kind of feeling?

It's crazy.

That's all right, you can tell us.

We are all a little crazy.

When she came in the garage,

it was like everything slowed down,

and got...

...very clear.

It's like when you mill a camshaft,

or grind the curve on a fender.

As you do it, you know

everything's gonna work out perfect.

Everything's gonna fit, you know?

- Do you ever have that feeling?

- Ja. One time in 1905.

Watch out!

Mr Walters. Are you all right?

That gravity, it's a killer.

Mr Bamberger, I don't know

what you think I can do.

I'm finishing my thesis. I do some

administrative work for my uncle, but...

He adores you, they all do.

They'll listen to you.

Sit here. Get the full effect, please.

I founded the Institute for Advanced

Study as a place for pure thought.

But the symposium next week,

it's our last chance.

My accountants are all over me.

Sit a little closer.

Tell your uncle we need something.

A new invention.

Something that can be bought here,

made here, launched from here.

It's important for the Institute.

Stereo high fidelity.

Spike Jones!

Move a little closer.

- It sounds like you could touch him.

- Or slap him.

You were attracted to the earth

at 32 feet per second per second.

I believe it.

Such a beautiful day!

Come. We'll find Catherine

and you give her the watch.

Look at this!

You know, when I was a patent clerk

in Switzerland,

I wondered how the universe would look

if I was travelling at the speed of light,

on a motorcycle.

- Hello, Mr Einstein!

- How you doin', Doc?

Good, very good.

I always wanted a convertible.

Wahoo!

- Edward!

- What?

- Faster!

- OK. Hang on, Doc!

Wahoo!

Please...! Help!

- James.

- Professor!

- Is Catherine here?

- No. But I'm glad you've come...

Dr Morland...!

- Shouldn't somebody help him?

- It's a time deprivation experiment.

Go on, have a look. He can't see you.

This is right out of Martians

Ate My Brain. Ever read that?

- Don't I know you?

- Ed and I are working on something.

- Really? What?

- Attraction at a distance.

Shall we have a look at the...?

Please, don't touch anything, will you?

...the mice I was talking about,

just round here.

The mouse has learnt that the red lever

gives him an electrical stimulus

akin to sexual climax,

and the blue lever dispenses food.

Now, this one here

hasn't eaten for three days.

There. Now, why would he do that?

Excuse me a moment.

Gretchen, could you...?

This is curious.

- That fellow calmed down so quickly.

- Yeah, it's funny.

Where's your watch?

You were wearing a wristwatch.

I figured, since time doesn't exist,

who needs a watch?

That was ausgezeichnet.

Thank you.

- You're very welcome.

- Next time, I bring my goggles.

All right, Doc.

Ah, Catherine!

Hi.

- The garage.

- He's quite a guy, your uncle.

- Yes, he... Do you know him?

- I get around.

Did you take him on that thing?

You took Albert Einstein

for a ride on a motorcycle?

- Don't ever do it again.

- Why not?

- He could've been killed.

- He loved it. He went "Wahoo!"

- "Wahoo!"?

- When did he last go "Wahoo!"?

- I'm sure I don't know.

- When did you last go "Wahoo!"?

- I'm sure I don't know.

- Want a lift?

On that?

No... No... No.

"Come on, what could happen?

So you die a little."

- Help me out, I'm nervous.

- Really? Why?

I'm trying to figure out

the best way to ask you to dinner.

- Mr...

- Walters. Ed.

Right. I'm sure you're a very nice person.

And I'm happy my automotive safety

is in your large, very capable hands.

But I really should be going that way so...

Goodbye.

- Then dinner's out of the question?

- Yeah.

So I should give you this.

- You found it.

- You left it.

- You fixed it.

- I polished it.

- And I tightened the screws.

- I can feel that.

It's very pretty.

It was my father's. I thought I'd lost it.

- Thank you.

- You're welcome.

- I'm sorry if I was abrupt before.

- No problem.

- Astonishing.

- An unmistakeable chemical reaction.

What?

- What?

- Marlon Brando!

Maybe not.

So, James... Where is it to be?

- Where's what to be?

- The honeymoon.

What have you two

lovebirds decided on?

We haven't really discussed it much.

I was thinking of the Ituri Forest

in the Belgian Congo.

Excellent!

There's a pygmy village,

near the Mbuti settlement.

It's fascinating.

A sort of complete pygmy package.

A hospitality hut, wild boar roast,

you wash in the river, tribal rituals...

It's like being one of the tribe really.

It's the opportunity of a lifetime.

I was thinking more along the lines

of a million kisses on your skin.

I beg your pardon?

On Maui, they have these natural slides

formed from volcanic eruptions

of obsidian.

You climb up and slide down into

what they call the Seven Sacred Pools.

And the water is so aerated,

it feels like a million kisses on your skin,

or like an enormous tongue

just licking your entire body.

Dean, do you remember...

Obsidian slides

and great licking tongues?

I mean, he's the head

of the whole department!

James, how would you like

a million kisses on your skin?

What if we have our own

primitive ritual, right here?

Have you gone mad?

What are you doing?

You don't love me.

Because I won't make love to you

in the middle of a dinner party?

How can you say such a thing?

You know I love you more than anything.

- You're my little munchkin.

- I don't know. Am I?

Of course you are.

My little munchy munchkin.

Look, I wasn't going to

tell you this till later.

- But remember the surprise?

- No.

- The colour cards?

- Yes.

After our honeymoon,

we'll have a home to come home to.

In Stanford.

Full professor,

Department of Applied Psychology.

It comes with its own

little munchkin nest,

and you've already picked out the colour.

Algae. This is a colour?

- And room for the children.

- Children?

James says three years apart

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