I Am A Girl Page #2

But I see Breani is getting

more and more popular,

so I'm really looking more into

getting into managing her

more seriously and marketing her

cos I think she will be a great

source of income for both of us,

cos she's... she's hungry.

She wants a better life,

I want a better life.

I know she will probably

never be a doctor or a lawyer

because she doesn't like blood.

And I'll admit she know

she may not want to, like, read

or, like, want to stay in her books

all the time,

because her mind is going,

she's a creative person.

And I know she's gonna do good.

Whether it's rapping, singing,

so... when she has

so many talents, you know?

So whatever she likes to do,

as long as she's happy doing it,

I'm there for her.

Well, my dad, I don't really

know where's he's at.

Like, I never really

knew where he lives.

Breani's dad?

Well, I don't talk about him much.

He's a deadbeat for me now.

My grandfather's like a dad to me.

Like, he taught me about everything

that a dad would teach you.

So, like, people say, like,

"Daddy's little girl."

But I'm, like, Grandpa's little girl.

She know that she's my heart.

She knows that.

And she knows

that she can practically get

anything out of me that she want,

you know?

I can't give her what I don't have.

But anything that I have is hers,

you know?

Growing up, he taught me

many life lessons,

like time management,

how to write, how to carry yourself.

Like, just to be, like, you know,

respectable and stuff like that.

Where I live, he doesn't want me

to, like, fall in the black hole

and become, like, this monster.

Hold it.

Hold it!

I held it, coming here.

Well, people were supposed

to already be here, but nobody's here.

So...

Yeah.

Anything, anything, I don't know.

Whatever you want to wear. OK.

Yeah, hello?

Yeah, forget it, don't come.

Because I don't feel like going no more.

Because I don't understand,

I told you we had to be here at one.

OK, so everybody should have

told me that.

I don't understand.

You should have told me that yesterday

because you told me you was gonna

be here at one.

Anyway, I don't have to come.

So thanks, anyway.

No, because I just did my nails,

so when they're dry.

Well, I'm not going anywhere,

so I'm gonna be here all day.

I said I'm not going anywhere.

Cos I'm not going nowhere.

Cos I don't want to go anywhere.

Yeah, you don't have to come no more.

Because I'm tired now.

Alright.

Well, one of my friends

is gonna still come.

You give all the information to me.

There was a particular boy

and it was just really, really

a complicated situation with him.

And the fact that

I felt so worthless about myself

made everything to do with him

just really, really difficult

to deal with.

And I'd found out

that one of my closest friends,

she had slept with this guy.

And she was meant to be my friend

and it was just like,

you know, how could you do that?

I don't blame her in any way,

shape or form for what I did,

because it was my choice.

In the afternoon,

I took a bunch of pills

and I waited for a while

on a really busy road, you know,

hoping that I'd have enough courage

to step out in front of a car.

But every time, it was just, you know...

I don't want to step out

in front of that person.

That person has a kid in the car,

you know,

that person looks too nice, you know,

that car's going too slow.

I couldn't do it.

When I got home,

I was talking to one of my friends,

and I didn't tell her exactly

what happened and what I'd done

but she pretty much figured it out.

And she was talking to Paisley and...

Paisley rang my home

and spoke to my parents.

And so we got a phone call,

10:
30, 11 o'clock at night

and basically told us

what Katie had said on the Net.

And so I went, knocked on her door

and just went in,

and I didn't even say,

"Have you taken anything?"

I said, "What have you taken

and how much have you taken?"

We told her she was going to hospital

whether she liked it or not.

She was very upset at this time

and we took her to Concord Hospital.

She ended up on a drip overnight.

I stayed overnight, sitting up with her.

Doug left about

three o'clock in the morning.

We were both very, very shocked.

We did not realise

how bad she was feeling.

We didn't realise how deep

the hole that she'd gotten into was.

Sometimes, dismissing it

as adolescent moods

is not doing the right thing,

because it could be

a lot deeper than that.

I tended to focus at the time

on what I've got to do to turn around

and what are the options.

How do I make sure that I can turn

and ensure we get

the best outcome from this?

And that's what I was focused on,

for the time.

It's probably that evening, when

we got home, we were all at home later,

and I think we had a...

I had a couple of wines,

and... she saw me cry.

I don't think

she's ever seen me cry like that.

I was just sitting on my couch

and my dad just burst into tears.

And that is the only time

I've ever seen him cry

and because it was

from something that I had done.

And I know he doesn't blame me.

But I blame me.

And I just can't believe

I did that to people.

It's just...

when you're feeling that bad

about yourself,

you honestly believe

that you're a burden on people

and that what you're doing

is a favour to everyone around you.

You know, you feel like

they're just going to move on.

Well, I just told her

how much I loved her

and the thought of losing her...

And one of the problems

with people that are depressed

is they don't feel that they...

or that people don't care for them.

They're worthless,

that nobody will matter,

nobody will remember them.

And I've subsequently told her

a story of a friend of mine

who was killed at school when I was 15.

And it was about three weeks ago,

I actually took her

and showed her his grave.

And I said, "It's 40 years since he died

and he's still remembered."

Hey, gorgeous.

What are you doing?

Ba-bang, bang.

Yeah, and people hang out

with the football team.

No, football team people

are really nice.

Yeah, really nice, I bet.

That's how we go.

So, let's go.

OK.

Wait.

Yeah, that's it, huh.

Waiting.

Ready? Go.

I love Instagram

because I feel like a picture

is worth a thousand words.

Silly faces, guys.

She keeps taking pictures.

Every time I turn around,

she's taking pictures.

And she's been doing that for years.

She just likes taking pictures.

But I tell her, "Make sure you're

not taking provocative pictures."

Some of them are sexy,

but she knows not to go overboard,

like, to show too much skin.

This one is nice. Oh, look at this one.

Most of the time, I just post my face

because there's nobody here

to take pictures of my full body.

So, yeah, my face is basically

what I post every day.

But when I do take pictures...

oh, with clothes on, though...

of my body, it gets more likes.

I guess, like, the clothes

that I wear, people like.

And how I put my outfits together,

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