I Am Heath Ledger Page #8

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like walking onto a stage.

I wasn't prepared

for so many people.

How do I play this?"

And I said, "Well...

well, you're a psychopath,

so they're your toys.

You play with your toys."

Good evening,

ladies and gentlemen.

We are tonight's entertainment.

I only have one question.

Where is Harvey Dent?

You know where Harvey is?

Do you know who he is?

That's another trademark

of the actor

that Heath had become.

He was able to chuck his vanity,

and I think

his conception of the Joker

did show him

kind of warts and all,

and he did it on his own

in the makeup trailer,

and it was very simple.

All it was, was just, like, a

wash of white pancake makeup

and some smear of red lips.

The prosthetics

came up onto the lip

and feathered onto the lip,

so it was almost halfway

into the mouth,

and, of course, when you speak,

the feathering

of the prosthetics

became loosened,

and the last thing Heath

wanted to do was to go back

and spend another 20 minutes

or half an hour

trying to get

the lips glued back again,

so he licked...

he licked his lips...

a lot...

and then, slowly, that became

a part of the character.

He knew that he had

something that was amazing.

He had put

all this work into it,

and he was actually

enjoying the work.

Everyone,

every sound technician,

every producer,

was floored by what he was

doing in The Dark Knight.

People would be scurrying

up to screens,

trying to get glimpses on-set,

just because they knew

when he was on,

it was on.

He felt for the first time,

as an actor,

that he was like,

"I'm untouchable.

Every scene I do

with any other actor,

it doesn't matter

how amazing they are.

I'm controlling

and leading these scenes."

He was so confident,

and he was so proud

of that role.

He was really excited

for that film to come out.

He was... it was the first time

I'd heard him in a long time

being excited about, like,

"this role I've nailed."

You've changed things...

forever.

Then why do you want

to kill me?

I don't want to kill you!

What would I do

without you?

Go back to ripping

off mob dealers?

No, no.

No.

No, you...

you complete me.

You're garbage

who kills for money.

Don't talk like one of them.

You're not...

even if you'd like to be.

To them, you're just a freak...

like me.

When he wasn't working,

he would come to set

and observe and watch Chris

'cause he was so enamored

with, you know,

Chris as a director

and wanted to learn

as much as he could

about what he was building

and what he was doing.

A lot of people like to think

that it was a strenuous process

for him,

but he would come off the set,

and we'd chat,

and we'd have a laugh and joke,

and we had more fun

than was, um...

than was respectable

for hardworking artists.

It was the most fun

I've had with a character,

hands down.

Creatively, it was just...

it was too good to be true.

It was Christmas,

and my whole family,

we were having this wonderful

great big dinner.

He came and surprised us,

as he loved to do.

He'd shown me some snippets

of him as the Joker,

and, I mean, I was blown away.

I couldn't believe it,

and I just said to him,

you know,

"This is amazing.

This is, like, taking it

to the next level.

Like, you're going

to be nominated for this,

I'm telling you right now,"

and he just smiled.

Heath was over the moon

about the role of the Joker

in The Dark Knight.

He was very pleased

with the way it was going

and the input that he had

into that character.

It was after the dinner,

and he kind of, like,

leaned over at one point

and said, "Oh, by the way,

I'm taking you back to London

with me,"

and I was like, "What?"

and my mom was like, "What?"

"Oh, no, here we go again."

It was his time

to take his little sister,

introduce her

to the entertainment world.

Heath was

in the best place of his life.

He had a kid

who he loved and adored.

He was making the films

he wanted to make.

He had big plans for his future.

In three weeks' time,

I start filming

with Terry Gilliam,

and I'd really do any...

I'd cut carrots

and serve the catering

on a Gilliam film.

I really, really love the guy,

and so...

yeah, I'm doing The Imaginarium

of Dr. Parnassus,

and then I'll

drop to the ground, dead,

for a year,

and hibernate.

The Imaginarium

of Dr. Parnassus...

I was able to work with him

for two weeks on,

in freezing cold London,

in all the night shoots,

in all of its glory.

We were on

Blackfriars Bridge...

bitterly cold.

He spent most of the night

hanging off the bridge,

having rain poured on him...

so he was very wet.

I'm not sure that helped him.

A lot of the crew

were fighting colds and whatnot,

but I do just remember

Gerry saying

he had the strength of a horse,

I think is what he said.

His body was tired, I know.

He was tired.

He developed a bad flu,

and that exhausted him.

We were staying

in the same apartment.

I would wake,

I'd hear him wandering around,

and sometimes

he'd come into my room,

and we had the conversation

that the sleeping medication

wasn't really helping him sleep.

At times, he would say,

"I'm just having a hard time

kind of, you know,

laying it down

at the end of the day

and not thinking about stuff."

I knew the pressures

that were in his life.

I knew he was sick.

I knew he had pneumonia.

I knew he had these long flights

from London to New York.

We were about

to wrap up in London.

He had sent myself

and his assistant, Nathan, ahead

to prep the apartment

for when we were going

to all be there, and...

I hadn't talked

to him all morning,

and it was pretty rare,

and I was getting concerned.

I kept texting,

saying, "Hey, what's up?

Where are you?

What's going on?"

And, honestly, he would've

texted back or called me back

in almost any situation...

any situation,

except if he was...

you know...

Someday my pain

And I put my BlackBerry down

on the desk,

and, um...

I kind of just stared at it...

Harness your blame

And then the phone rang,

and it was his publicist,

Mara Buxbaum,

and, um, and she was crying.

And I called his dad,

and his dad's phone was off,

and I called his mum,

and she was trying

to find out information,

so I called one of our friends

in New York

to see if she could

go to his house,

and she was like,

"Trev, I'm here,

and I can't get in,"

and that's when

reality kicked in.

Send it farther on

More texts

from different people

start rolling in.

I'm like, "No, no, no, no,

someone's messing with me,"

and I actually called the phone,

and it rung out.

I wanted to say,

"Please call me back.

Please call me back,"

you know,

but I just froze and hung up.

I got a call from a friend,

and right away, I knew

something awful had happened.

I did call his phone

a few times.

The world did find out

before we did.

It will haunt me

for the rest of my life.

I guess we're no different

from anyone else

that loses a child

or loses somebody suddenly...

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