I Feel Pretty

TASHA:
Thanks.

Have a good class.

Okay, someone has to address

this towel situation.

Because, like,

I labeled the beds...

specifically for certain towels.

Hi, Renee Bennett.

Oh.

Uh, Renee Bennett.

Is this not where I go?

No, this is where you go.

Just sign in here.

- Do you need shoes?

- Okay. Yes.

- Okay, what size?

- Eight.

- Eight?

- Seven.

- Seven. Okay.

- Nine and a half.

A nine and a half?

- Nine...

- Okay. Yeah.

Double-wide?

Double what?

Double-wide.

Like the trailer?

- Um... Hmm...

- Double-wide. Just...

(LOUDLY) Do we have

a double-wide shoe?

It's just like a regular shoe,

but it's wider,

and then it's wider for that.

I guess for just wider feet.

You know what,

I think we have a male instructor

who used to be, like, a fireman.

Maybe he matches

your big foot?

I'm just going to take these.

These are perfect.

Okay. Have a good class.

So, your first time?

Mmm-hmm.

Me, too.

- Really?

- Yeah.

We all got to

start somewhere, right?

Yeah.

- All right, well, good luck.

- Yeah.

- See you in there.

- You too.

Sorry.

Sorry.

- (ALL EXCLAIMING)

- (GRUNTS)

Oh, sh*t, are you okay?

Mmm-hmm. Yeah.

Yeah.

No, seriously, are you okay?

'Cause that looks bad.

Yeah, no, I'm just going

to get some smaller shoes.

- Are you okay?

- Um... Yeah.

Hey, guys, this is Jen,

and today I wanted to share

another really cool

hair tutorial with you.

This look is a very punk rock

faux-hawk using ponytails.

I'm going to start at the top

and add a bump

to the top of my head.

Back comb with some hair spray

until you have

a lot of volume there.

Now I'm taking

another little section

a little bit wider.

Now tie this part back.

Now at the very end

of your ponytail,

I have this little bit

of hair at the end.

So I'm just going to give it

a lot of volume.

So, this is the final look.

I hope you guys

enjoyed this rock star,

kind of punk rock

mohawk faux-hawk.

If you did, don't forget

to give this video

a thumbs up

and subscribe to the channel

for more hair tutorials.

This is Jen, and I will

talk to you guys next time.

(SIGHS)

- Hi.

- Hi.

Are you shopping for a gift?

Oh, no, just kind of

browsing for me.

Okay. Um...

So sizing is a little limited

here in the store,

but you could probably

find your size online.

Hey, hi.

(CRYING)

A guy ran by. It was weird.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

- I'm trying.

- Just, like, ask.

Just get in there.

(KEYS JANGLING)

(KEYBOARD CLACKING)

Mason?

Should we have

more, like, banter?

Nah, I'm good.

We should have fun in here.

We should come in and be,

like, excited to interact.

I had sex last night.

Uh... Oh, cool.

I was alone.

Forget it.

Did you get that email

from Corporate?

Complaints about

the Clafoutis lipstick?

The Clafoutis?

Customers are saying...

it's way more orange

than it looks online.

No. Okay, then tell me

this isn't

the exact same color.

Look at this.

Look.

I just write code.

Come on, Mason.

This is exactly

why they should just

let us run the website

from the 5th Avenue

headquarters.

Right?

God!

Why does Lily LeClaire,

like, hide us

in this weird

Chinatown basement?

I'm so sick of it.

Aren't you sick of this?

No.

I'm getting out of here.

I'm getting a coffee.

A real coffee. Not that crap.

Do you want anything?

- Bagutti.

- You mean a baguette?

- Yeah.

- You want a whole baguette?

Half.

Half a baguette.

That's not weird.

- Yeah?

- Yeah,

the highlighter does it.

Viv, you look gorgeous.

- Right?

- Yeah, you look really beautiful.

Ooh.

Wow. I mean, I do look pretty.

Just... I don't know

if I look like me.

No, you don't

look like yourself.

But you do look

like Selena Gomez

in that video

where she says, "It ain't me."

It is you.

Like, I recreated it.

Are you sure I don't look like

sort of a lady of the night?

Like a prostitute?

Come over here, boys.

No, and they don't talk

like that anymore.

Like, it's kind of rad

that your work

lets you take all this stuff.

I know.

Well, it's more like implied...

You know, they're not like,

"Here's a gift bag."

- But I steal it.

- (LAUGHING)

No, but a lot of it's recalled.

They wouldn't care.

Like, this one they said

looks like contraception.

Oh, hey, it really does.

That's exactly

what my pill pack looks like.

Yeah, but a lot of people

like having sex

and not having a baby,

so I don't know

what the problem is.

I met this baby the other day

that was, like, wack as hell.

Honestly.

- Really?

- Okay.

This is the Groupie sight?

It's not "Groupie."

It's Grouper Date.

And you're not bailing

because we need three people

in order to get matched

on a date.

- Yes.

- Yeah, but look at them.

Come look at these pictures.

These are the people

we're competing with?

Three Eurasian

cocktail waitresses.

VIVIAN:
Yeah?

RENEE:
Three

Australian wakeboarders.

And the Hadids!

Is that the mom?

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

I'm not competing with this.

I'm not doing it.

Well, Renee, the thing is,

like, different kinds of men

are looking

for different things.

VIVIAN:
Like, I mean, I know

that my guy is going to

be interested

in the fact

that I like true crime

and inter-species

animal friendships.

Please...

And I've added them all

on dares...

No, don't put that

on the profile.

My God, Viv, nobody cares

about the profile.

No one even

looks at the profile.

The picture

is all that matters,

and you get

a picture of yourself

and you feel, like,

really good about it

and you hide your double chin,

you hide your acne,

and you hide your cellulite.

And then when the guy

meets you in person,

he's, like, so disappointed.

Or you take

a picture of yourself

where you feel like

it really looks like you.

And then

you check your profile

and no one is liking it

or clicking it or twitting it

or poking you.

And you didn't even want

to go out with this guy

in the first place.

But he's rejecting you,

and it's not fair,

and I'm sick of it.

Well...

You raise a lot

of interesting points, Renee.

And thank you

for that pep talk.

Yes, thank you.

JANE:
I feel like this is

exactly what we needed.

You guys are jerks.

Let's just take a fun picture.

- Yeah.

- Let's just do it.

- I'm a photo queen!

- Look at this face!

- Whoo!

- Okay.

(CAMERA CLICKS)

That's not good.

(CAMERA CLICKS)

We look like

we're being attacked, Viv.

- JANE:
That's bad.

- RENEE:
I look mid-poop.

It looks like you're, like,

having sex with me.

(CAMERA CONTINUES CLICKING)

- (GLASS CLANKING)

- Viv!

Okay...

Come on... And three.

VIVIAN:
And that's the one.

- (SIGHS)

- (BEEPING)

What the hell, Mason?

I spilled salad dressing

on myself.

God, look, I know this office

isn't the epicenter

of anything,

but once we stop

feeling compelled

to participate

in things like pants,

we've gone too far outside

the social contract.

We're in a crisis, Renee.

The server's down.

It's happened before,

it always

comes back online,

but not this time.

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