I Feel Pretty Page #2

Oh, no... Wait, wait, wait.

How are we going to get

the web traffic reports

to Corporate

for their 11:
00 a.m.?

It's our only job

in this stupid office!

I'm already

printing out the reports,

and it's not stupid.

Maybe a little.

Either way, you can

leave our stupid office

in about 10 seconds.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

You think I'm going

to Lily LeClaire today?

(SCOFFING) Oh, no, I am not

going to Lily LeClaire.

I promise you that, okay.

- I did not shower.

- You never shower.

I never shower for work.

Okay, I shower at night.

When I shower is my business.

I'm not going there.

No, I'm wearing

bathing suit bottoms

'cause I have no clean undies.

I have

a Bed Bath and Beyond bag

for my purse. No!

Repeat after me.

I am brave.

- I am brave.

- I am blonde.

- I am blonde.

- And I got this.

And I got this.

- I am brave!

- I am brave!

- I am blonde!

- I am blonde!

- And I got this!

- And I got this!

I am brave!

(SCREAMING)

(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

For Steve in Marketing.

Okay, great. I'll make sure

she gets them.

(GASPS)

Is that Avery LeClaire?

- Yeah.

- There she is again. Oh!

(WHISPERS) Oh, my God.

She's right there.

Is that so cool?

What's that?

You know,

being the receptionist here?

Just being around it all?

No, I'm just

an intern filling in.

They're trying to find

a new receptionist, actually.

Shut up.

Oh, come on.

It's like a dream job.

Um, I'll make sure

Marketing gets these papers.

Okay.

I'm gonna head out.

AVERY:
Can we all say hello

to my grandmother, Lily,

who will be joining us today?

- Hello, Lily.

- (APPLAUSE)

We are in our third quarter

of our fiscal year,

and as you are all aware

the research results

have come in

on our diffusion line.

Do you have to say

"diffusion" like that?

- Like what?

- Like it means "low end"?

It does mean "low end."

It also means "accessible."

Or "thoughtfully priced."

Say it like that.

Okay.

It seems that

we have some work to do

on our diffusion line

because we are new

to the diffusion landscape.

We need to get people

used to seeing

our products not just

at Saks and Bendel's,

but also at Target and Kohl's.

Jenn, go.

Well, it says here that 74%

of core diffusion

demo respondents

strongly believe that we are

elitist pricks.

Okay, so what I am hearing

is that

we need to pivot in order...

This is not

rocket science, Avery.

We're just trying to start

a line of accessible cosmetics

at Target.

Who here has gone

makeup shopping at Target?

- You?

- No!

- Either of you?

- Mmm.

No.

Unbelievable.

People think

that we are elitists

who do not belong at Target,

and they may be right.

But when people

walk into this office,

I want them to see

that Lily LeClaire

includes everyone.

Even bargain shoppers.

"Must be passionate

about beauty..."

Me.

"...and dream

of sitting in our lobby..."

Me.

"...at the center of it all.

(CHUCKLES)

"Must be stylish

and full of confidence."

I mean...

Maybe not full of confidence.

"The first face people see

when they come to our office,

"in some ways, the real face

of our beauty line."

(SIGHS) Whatever.

Yes, it is the perfect job,

of course I know that.

I'm just...

I don't even see

a point in applying.

I have no shot.

Yeah.

I'm not exactly

the face they're looking for.

Oh. Hey, Jane,

can I call you back?

Hi.

Um, Renee. We kind of met

at SoulCycle...

- Oh, my God.

- Yeah, yeah.

How's your vagina?

- Oh.

- Like, the whole region?

(CHUCKLES) Thanks for asking.

The region is kind of

as good as can be expected.

Was there blood?

There was not not-blood.

Hey, hi.

Wow.

- Hi.

- I'm sorry,

I'm so lost.

Could you tell me where to

find that squeezy dish soap?

- Uh...

- Now, you're probably

wondering why I'm not

asking, you know,

the person

that obviously works here.

But...

I don't work here.

But I've gotten

really good at dishes.

And so, I was just wondering

if you might

have some dishes...

Oh, my gosh,

I'm so sorry, I forgot.

It's in aisle 10.

- Hey, we're good, sir.

- Oh.

I was thinking, you can

give me your number...

Um, I'm so sorry,

I don't give out my number.

It's nice to meet you.

- So...

- It's nice to meet you.

Good luck with the dishes

and everything else.

Thank you.

Does that kind of stuff

happen all the time?

What, him?

Yeah, like a guy, like,

trying to hook up

with you in

a totally normal place?

Yeah, I'm sure that happens

to you all the time, too.

Uh, no.

That has literally never

happened to me in my life.

Yeah, well,

I don't believe you.

Wait, can I ask you

a question?

Yeah.

Did you ever go on a trip

to, like, Italy or something,

and you land at the airport

and then, like,

you meet these two guys,

and they're like,

"Hey, come on this yacht with us,"

and then you wind up going on

a yacht trip in, like, Capri.

And it's like

this whole other part

of your trip

you didn't even foresee.

- But, like...

- (CHUCKLES) Yeah.

I had one like that

last summer.

In Greece, though, not Italy.

I knew it.

- I knew it! I knew it!

- Yeah.

God, I knew

that stuff happened.

Oh, man, I've just...

I've always wondered

what it feels like to be just

undeniably pretty.

And just have all those parts

in life open up to you

that you only

get to experience

when you look like you.

Just once...

I mean...

I don't think that

this mascara

or Wet n Wild bronzer

can do that kind

of heavy lifting. So...

I'll just pray for a miracle.

Hey. It's not in 10.

Nine. It was aisle nine.

Do you want me to show you?

Can we get you back

to register two?

I don't work here.

(CARNIVAL MUSIC PLAYING)

JOSH:
Make my wish right.

I wish I were big.

(THUNDER CRASHES)

(JOSH READING)

(THUNDER CRASHING)

This is crazy! This is crazy!

I wish...

I wish I was beautiful!

(THUNDER CRASHING)

(GRUNTS)

(GASPING)

Please.

Please, please,

please. Please.

(SIGHS)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

What's up, SoHo, I'm Luna!

(CHEERING)

Are you ready?

All right, y'all, I don't know

what you came

in here for today,

but what I do know is that

the miracle is already here.

You just have to open

your heart and receive it.

I want you

to look in the mirror

and visualize the change

you came in here for.

Is it spiritual?

Is it physical?

Is it emotional?

Today I want you

to look in the mirror.

You're not going to see

what you normally see.

Today you're going to see

what you've

always wanted to be.

So, you ready

to get your life?

SoHo, are you ready

to get your life?

- (CHEERING)

- Change your life!

Change your body!

Change your life!

Yeah!

- Three, two, one!

- (YELLS)

(DISTORTED SCREAMING)

(ALL EXCLAIMS)

Oh, my God, are you okay?

- (THUDS)

- (ALL GASPS)

(GAGS)

We got a white girl down.

(GROANS)

TASHA:
Hey.

You hit your head really hard

on the way down.

Sorry. Oh, God.

(GROANS)

Here's an ice pack.

Oh, God, thank you.

And some water.

And we have

a complimentary bandana.

You didn't have to do that.

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