I Feel Pretty Page #3

This is too much.

This is huge. (EXHALES)

Did something

happen to your arm?

Should I call a doctor?

Yeah... (GASPS)

(EXCLAIMS)

Are your legs okay?

No! They're not okay.

They're amazing. Oh, my God.

Do I look super toned to you?

Uh...

I don't know

how to answer that.

- Oh, my God, feel my abs!

- Uh...

Rock hard, right?

Feels full.

- It's a rock.

- Uh-huh.

Wait...

Wait.

Wait, no.

Wait.

Wait.

- That's me?

- Yeah.

No.

What? Oh, my God,

do you see this?

Yes?

I mean... Look at me!

Look at my jawline!

No, no, I always

wanted this to happen.

You dream this will happen,

but I never thought

it would really happen!

I mean, look at me!

Look at my b*obs!

Look at my ass!

I'm beautiful!

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

All right, if you're good,

I'm going to take this back

and go to the front.

As long as you don't sue.

(LAUGHING)

(RENEE SHRIEKS)

Hey, great dress.

Thanks. It's from Target.

(CHUCKLES) Of course it is.

Aren't girls like us so lucky,

that we can shop like anywhere

and still look fly as hell.

(CHUCKLES)

- I guess.

- Yeah!

(CHUCKLES)

Oh, gosh! Thank you.

Chivalry, alive and well.

(WHISTLES)

Jimmy, come here!

(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)

For Lisa in HR.

My name's Renee Bennett,

and I'm applying

for the receptionist job.

Don't scream.

Slowly turn around.

Okay, I know you don't

recognize me.

- I know that.

- Mmm.

But I'm going to prove to you

that I am your friend.

- Your good friend...

- Hey, sluts.

Oh, my God. Okay.

Don't scream.

No, no one is screaming.

Don't even make

the noise you just made.

Okay. Okay, now I know

you don't recognize me.

You're thinking,

"Who is this girl?

"And why is she here?

"What was she doing covering

our screaming-ass mouths?"

You guys, it's me.

Renee.

VIVIAN:
What's happening?

JANE:
Full spin.

(CHUCKLES)

Oh, my God,

you don't believe me.

Why would you?

Okay, I'm going to prove

to you that I'm Renee.

All right, I'm just going

to tell you something

that there's no way

I would know

unless I was Renee.

Okay. Um...

Oh, remember the summer

we all were gonna

get those tattoos

of the 90210 characters

on our ankles. Right?

But we decided not to

because we were like,

"What if we don't always feel

"this strongly

about the actors?"

- Thank God.

- How would anyone know that?

Everyone would

know that, right?

Because I actually

got Andrea Zuckerman

tattooed on my ankle before

you guys bailed on the idea.

I forgot that, I'm sorry.

- I still feel so bad.

- No.

What's something only

I would know? Help me.

(GRUNTS)

You have HPV.

- Everybody has HPV.

- I have it, too.

The point is, it's me! Renee!

And I don't know

how this happened

and I can't explain it.

All I know is that Luna

reached into

my Soul Cycled soul

and just gave me

what I've always wanted.

The chance to be beautiful!

Oh.

- Yeah, well, that's great.

- Yeah.

- I'm so happy for you...

- Are you?

...that you are

working out and that

that clearly is making,

like, a big change for you.

I mean, like,

I hear really good things

about Soul Cycle and,

like, you look great.

Great? Guys, I'm a Kardashian.

One of the Jenner ones.

Maybe now that

your contacts are in...

I don't wear contacts.

I don't wear glasses.

I was just taking a swing,

- and it was a miss.

- Yeah.

You're trying to make sense

of this, and you can't.

That's true.

We cannot make sense of this.

But I want you guys to know

that even through I look like

this very different,

very hot person,

it's still me in here.

It's Renee.

(SIGHS)

I'm not going anywhere.

- BOTH:
Okay.

- RENEE:
Okay?

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

But I am going to go to

the bar and get us drinks.

I could use one.

- Tequila?

- Sure.

How would I know that,

unless I was Renee?

Okay.

(LAUGHS)

Hey, Mason. (COUGHS)

I'm sorry I can't make it again.

I'll have to work remotely,

I have pink eye.

Yeah, it's really bad.

It's like, it looks like

my eyes are bleeding.

Um... (CLEARS THROAT)

Yeah, no, I know

it doesn't affect your voice,

but it's like

the really bad kind

that causes flare-ups

in prison populations.

Look, I gotta go,

I'm going to the doctor.

Hopefully,

I'll be in tomorrow,

but I'm going

in the subway, so I'm...

Hello? Hello?

CLERK:
116.

(CHUCKLES)

Uh...

You probably haven't

been here before,

but you have to wait in line

and take a number.

- Oh, right.

- I can grab it for you.

- Thank you.

- Yeah.

- I just... Here.

- Thank you.

And this guy just

calls out a number

completely out of sequence.

Okay.

It's like a weird game

of bingo.

- All right.

- But no one wins. So, yeah.

(CLEARS THROAT)

What's your number?

(CHUCKLES)

So this is how it happens?

Just like that? Wow.

Just like what?

What happens, like what?

That is very clever.

I don't know why that's...

What is clever?

I'm just asking

what the number is.

What's your number?

And then I go, "Oh, 118..."

And then you're like,

"No, your phone number."

- Oh.

- Yeah. You are good.

How long have you been hanging

onto that little nugget?

I haven't. I haven't been

holding onto that.

That's not a nugget.

You hang out in

a lot of dry cleaners

and hit on perfect girls?

(LAUGHING)

All right, give me your phone.

My phone?

Give me your phone, I'm going

to give you my number.

- Are you still talking to me?

- Don't chicken out now, son.

- I'm not chickening out.

- Here, come on.

Give me, we'll exchange phones.

That's what'll happen.

Here, give me your phone,

you take my phone,

put your number in.

Level the playing field.

Do people do this?

And this way you don't have

to feel intimidated.

I know what it's like.

Okay. Yeah. That's me.

Okay.

And you know,

I'm slammed right now.

But I will do my best

to pencil you in.

Right after the jailhouse

pink eye clears up?

(LAUGHING)

Who are you?

CLERK:
Number 118!

That's me.

Hi.

Oh, I couldn't get

the red vomit stain out of it.

What was it, like Sangria?

Some wine, like a red?

Something like that?

It had chunks in it,

did you know that?

And then you let it

sit for a while,

and I couldn't really...

That's fine.

I could take

another whack at it,

if you want.

I'm not a magician. 119!

So, look, I have not

logged into our account

since our profile went live

'cause I thought we could

all do it together.

Yeah, I think

that's the best idea.

Um, excuse me, bartender.

Can I please get

a couple shots of tequila?

- Uh...

- Can you stop it?

It's a coffee shop.

Now, listen. This is going to

be awesome. Trust me.

I'm about to make it

rain responses.

Hit refresh.

- Yeah, refresh.

- Always refresh.

(BUZZES)

- Are we on the Wi-Fi or...

- Yeah, we are.

So, it's true. Guys really

only care about photos.

My God, stop.

This is clearly my fault.

What? Why?

No, I take

full responsibility for this.

Guys, this is

because the old me

was clearly dragging

our stock down.

I, like, feel bad for her.

I wanna like hug this girl.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes