I Heart Huckabees

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[ Man Thinking ] Motherfucking cocksucker.

Motherfucking sh*t f***er.!

What am i doing?

What am i doing?

I don't know what I'm doing.

I'm doing the best that I can.

I know that's all

I can ask of myself.

But is that good enough?

Is my work doing any good?

Is anybody paying attention?

Is it hopeless to try and change things?

The African guy's a sign, right?

Because if he isn't...

then nothing in this world

makes any sense to me.

I'm f***ed. Maybe I should quit.

Don't quit.

Maybe I should just f***ing quit.

Don't f***ing quit.

I don't know what the f***

I'm supposed to f***ing do anymore.

F***er. F***! Sh*t!

I'm glad we saved

a piece of this marsh.

I know it's small,

but at least it's something.

- [ Camera Shutter Clicks ]

- Don't stop fighting.

We're going to save

a lot more of this place.

To celebrate, I have

a poem I'd like to read.

''Nobody sits

like this rock sits.

''You rock, rock.

The rock just sits and is.

You show us how to just sit here,

and that's what we need.''

Yeah, we did it.

- Any press come?

- Yeah, local paper's here. What's wrong?

Nothing. It's just I have an appointment

to check out this African guy.

- What African guy?

- Exactly. What African guy?

Come on.

Hello. Albert Markovski.

i have a 1:
00 appointment.

Sorry, I'm late.

This place is like a maze.

Have a seat.

We'll be right with you.

Why don't you just tell me

what your situation is.

Look, I'm not really sure I know exactly

what you guys do here, all right?

Well, we, uh-- We'll investigate

and solve your case.

- How?

- If you sign a contract, we'll follow you.

- You'll spy?

- Yes.

- On me?

- Yes.

- Will you be spying on me in the bathroom?

- Yes.

- In the bathroom?

- Yes.

- Why?

- There's nothing too small.

You know when police find the slightest

bit of D.N.A. and build a case?

If we might see you--

you floss or masturbate...

that could be the key

to your entire reality.

- So I'm hiring you to spy on me.

- That's right.

So we can figure out your situation

and resolve your crisis.

In addition, my associate will approach

your case from a different angle.

What do you mean a different angle?

What does that mean?

Regarding your perception of reality.

He'll tell you about that.

- Who sent you here?

- Nobody. I found your card.

- Where?

- In some fancy restaurant

that I'd never been to before.

i didn't have the proper attire.

So they let me borrow a suitjacket.

i reached into my pocket,

and there was your card.

The weird thing is

i always have a jacket.

- [ Woman ] But not that day?

- No.

- Brad Stand.

- Hey.

- Kind of a coincidence.

- Yes, exactly. My case is a coincidence.

- About the restaurant and thejacket?

- No, no. That-That's--

I'm talking about a big coincidence.

It involves one man.

It's a three-parter.

Okay. Ready?

[ Inhales, Exhales ]

First part.

I went to a place

called Schottinger's photo archives.

i was there getting stills

of early Bob Dylan.

in comes this tall African guy.

He's like 1 8 years old or something.

You know, he's in there getting photos

of Morris Chestnut...

Shaquille O'Neal,

Jim Carrey.

He's an autograph hound.

Kind of guy likes to get...

glossies of famous people

and get them signed.

Two weeks later, i see

the same African guy.

He's working as a doorman

at my friend's building.

Oh, my God!

- Who's your friend?

-Jay Wendorff. But it's not his apartment.

- It's his girlfriend's.

- What's her name?

Uh, Kelly. Kelly Coulter.

So, okay, that's two.

One time at Schottinger's

photo archive...

second time

as the doorman.

Third, I see this man,

he's in a van at the mall.

- What are you doing at the mall?

- I'm working.

- i'm making a statement for the open spaces.

- [ Horn Honking ]

Yeah, he's back.

You crazy bastard.

You don't plant no tree

in this parking lot!

i gotta come take that tree,

remove it and let traffc through.

You'rejust creatin'

more work for me.

- They're not always meaningful.

- Yeah, it's meaningful.

- Meaningful how?

- That's what I want you to find out.

- About your life.

- Yeah, about my life.

And about the whole thing.

About the universe, you know? The big one.

i mean, should i keep doing

what i'm doing? is it hopeless?

Mr. Markovski, we see

a lot of people in here...

who claim they want to know

the ultimate truth about reality.

They want to peer under the surface

at the big everything...

but this can be a very painful

process full of surprises.

It can dismantle the world

as you know it.

That's why most people prefer to remain

on the surface of things.

Maybe you should go home.

Let sleeping dogs lie.

Take it easy.

What do you say?

I say don't give me

the brush-off. Please.

I want to know.

This is big.

- Have you ever transcended space and time?

- Yes. No.

Uh, time not space. No, I don't know

what you're talking about.

I take it you don't

make very much money, Mr. Markovski.

is that gonna be a problem?

Are you expensive, what you do?

We have a sliding scale.

Some of our clients pay $30 a week.

Some of our wealthy clients

pay several thousand a week.

I can't believe you guys actually exist.

How long have you been doing this?

- Seventeen years, 352 cases.

- [ Laughs ] That's crazy.

I'm gonna have to ask you

to please steer clear of my office...

because my work situation

is a little shaky, all right?

You want us to stay

away from your job?

Yeah. If you come snooping

around my office...

it could make me look unstable

and it could hurt me.

I want you

to meet my colleague.

- Bernard?

- Uh-huh.

- This is Mr. Markovski.

- Hi.

- He's going to have to be pro bono.

- Okay. Sounds good.

Thank you very much

for taking on my case.

- Oh, you're welcome. You're welcome.

- Hold on.

- He hasn't signed a contract.

- Let's do this and then we'll get to the contract.

- It's too much too soon.

- It's always too much too soon.

That's the nature of the beast.

- Approach, patience, finesse.

- Will you stop?

- Come on.

- We need to start with his specifics, Bernard.

We need to go past logic though.

Come on. Let's go.

- Give me a kiss. Come on.

- Okay.

Will you tell me where

we're having dinner tonight?

- Korean barbecue.

- Really?

Okay, let's get started.

Is this part

of my investigation?

Yes. Say this blanket represents all the matter

and energy in the universe, okay?

You, me, everything.

Nothing has been left out, all right?

All the particles, everything.

- What's outside this blanket?

- More blankets. That's the point.

- Blanket's everything.

- Exactly. This is everything.

Let's just say

that this is me, all right?

And I'm, what, 60-odd years old

and I'm wearing a gray suit.

Blah, blah, blah.

And let's say over here, this is you.

And, you're-- I don't know,

you're 21 . You got dark hair, etc.

And over here, this is Vivian,

my wife and colleague.

Then over here, this is

the Eiffel tower, right? It's Paris.

And this is a war.

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