I Love You Beth Cooper
Forget me, you're on your way
We don't have to stay n touch
We may remember someday
Tll then t doesn't matter that much
Someday l'll have to wonder
And dreams may cloud the truth
But f you promse me
l promse l'll never forget you
Forget the tears we cred
Forget the good tmes too
Forget the pan nsde
You wll never see her agan.
Dude. after graduation. she'll be
gone until like the tenth reunion...
...if you both even live
that long.
And she'll be so very pregnant by
then. baking someone else's DNA.
And she'll have this. like. big.
pregnant cow grin on her face.
She won't even remember
who you are.
Well. l sat behind her
-Behind her.
-Shh .
Behind her.
She never saw you. dude.
You don't give this big speech
at graduation. you don't exist.
No. Denis. if you-- If you don't
do this.... If you don't do this....
You'll regret it.
Maybe not today.
maybe not tomorrow. but soon...
...and for the rest of your life.''
What are you talking about?
Come on. it's Casablanca. 1942...
...Michael Curtiz. director.
-Bogart. dude!
-Shh .
Seriously?
Bogart.
Thank you. Angelica.
lt's Angelica. Whatever.
Angelica.
Thank you for that rousing
rendition of ''Forget Me.''
Next. and finally.
your valedictorian...
...Denis Cooverman.
Today we look forward.
Look forward to getting out of here.
Heh. heh. heh.
But today. l would also like
to look back...
...look back on our four years here
at Buffalo Glenn High School...
...looking back not with anger...
...but with no regrets.
No regrets for
what we wanted to do.. .
...but did not...
...what we wanted to say...
...but could not.
And so l say here today...
...the one thing l wish l had said...
...the one thing l know l will
regret if l never say:
l love you. Beth Cooper.
He likes you.
l have loved you. Beth Cooper...
...since l first sat behind you in Ms.
Rosa's math class in the 7th grade.
Heh.
l loved you when l sat behind you
in Seor Weidner's Spanish...
...and Ms. Calumet-Hobey's
Literature of the Oppressed.
l loved you from behind...
...in Biology. History. and.
yes. Practical Science.
l loved you. but l never told you
because we never spoke.
Unbelievable.
But now l say it. with no regrets.
l love you. Beth Cooper.
And so let us all say the things
that we longed to say...
Let us be unafraid to admit:
''l have an eating disorder.
and l need help.''
Let us confess:
''l'm a stuck-up b*tch...
...because deep down.
l believe l am worthless.''
Let us declare:
''l'm a big. dumb moron.
l'm a big old a**hole who
beats up on other kids...
...because l was unloved
as a baby...
...or was sexually abused
or something.
l am sorry for the cruel swirlies...
...the pink bellies...
...the purple nurples.''
And let us. no. Iet all of us vow:
''When l graduate. l'm not gonna keep
hanging around my old high school...
...like some kind of creepy loser...
...who can't get an adult girlfriend.''
You know who you are. You.
And. yes. Iet us not regret...
...that we never told
our own best friend:
''l'm gay. dude.
l'm totally gay.''
l'm not gay.
-Yes.
lndeed. Let us all--
Thank you. Denis.
Food for thought.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Wow.
Perfect.
-Whoa.
-Oh .
-lt's okay.
-Sorry.
-Sorry.
-All right.
-Mr. Cooverman. hi.
-Hey! Hello.
do anything so reckless...
...really at all reckless.
Well. thank you.
Uh. no. That is not
what l would expect...
...from somebody
who is going to Stanford.
You know one call from me...
...and you could be going
That would be unimaginable.
You can't--
Look. l don't know why l did th--
Who was that?
That wasn't me.
l was under an influence.
-Are you drunk?
-What?
l just meant my thinking
had been compromised.
-Look. Rich told me if....
-Rich Munsch?
Yeah.
l wouldn't take heterosexual
advice from Rich Munsch.
But he was right.
l mean. l had to do something.
l'm not there in her brain.
She will have no memory of me.
So?
So? Come on. Dr. Gleason.
haven't you ever been in love?
-Your nipples are so weird.
Denis. there's another
Beth Cooper out there.
One just for you.
You embarrassed me.
Uh....
But it was so sweet.
l'll have to let you live.
Well. that's good.
Because l like to live.
ls it like 800 degrees
in there. like boiling?
Actually. the boiling point of water
is 21 2 degrees Fahrenheit...
l am so hot.
l can imagine...
...that you're hot.
Hey. So l'm not gay. dude.
Rich. hi.
Hello. hi. hey. Hi.
l didn't realize
there was a line here.
No. no. that's okay.
l gotta go.
Halt! l mean. wait.
There's a little soire
at my house tonight.
Course that's redundant...
...l don't know what
l'm talking about.
No. a party. More of a party than
a French thing. Music. drinks. prizes.
Party.
-Sounds fun.
-lt is fun. will be. in the future.
And goddamn it.
you're invited. officially.
Wow.
Thanks.
...lIP's 98401
if you're Mapques#ing.
Cool. or not.
whatever.
l mean. you come. you come.
If you don't. you don't.
You humiliated me
and insulted her.
Are you prepared to die?
Sorry.
You must be
Beth Cooper's boyfriend.
l have to go
to the bathroom.
Um....
l'm gonna give you ten seconds to
convince me why l should let you live.
l think you mean ''per,s, uade.''
not ''convince.
No. ma'am.
My hand.
it just slipped.
You know l can't allow you
to kill him on school property?
Yes. ma'am.
Baby. Not nice.
-You okay?
-Great. yeah.
Okay. You know. on the bright side.
-Whoo!
-Let's go!
School's out! We did it!
We did it! Party!
Ooh. That can't be good.
Losers!
All right.
keep in touch.
So. Iook. l'm not gay.
you know. so.... Yeah.
Okay. yeah.
No. l mean. it's cool
if you are. too. really.
Really. l'm not.
No soy homo.
All right.
That's awesome.
What makes you
think l'm gay?
l don't know-- Everybody
thinks you're gay. Rich.
Well. they don't know me.
You know me.
What makes you
think l'm gay?
Okay. l got an idea.
l'm Robin Hood.
You're Friar Tuck.
We get your dad's camcorder and
we do a shot-for-shot re-creation...
...of their climactic
sword fight...
...using our boners. Ha.
Nothing in particular.
l guess.
Well. l mean. is it
because of Drama Club?
Because. you know. a lot of
professional actors aren't gay.
More than half.
Rich. it's just that all through
high school and even before...
...you never really
had a girlfriend.
-Neither did you.
-l tried.
Oh. ha. ha. ha. Patty Keck?
-Her. yes.
-Your secret shame.
My point is...l had one.
Just so you know. making out
with a girl like that...
l'm not sure that's not gay.
What is this? Give me it.
Let go of it. l wanna see.
-No.
-Wow.
Whatever.
-That's awesome. iPod.
-lt's silly.
No. that's really nice.
That's great.
Yeah. my mom and dad
gave it....
0 fans
Submitted on August 05, 2018
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"I Love You Beth Cooper" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 23 Nov. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/i_love_you_beth_cooper_10500>.
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