I Never Sang for My Father Page #4

Afterward, I threw up.

I shouted and you threw up.

That was pretty much the pattern.

I felt guilty about Mother

all the way coming here.

Should have seen her more often,

brought the kids more often.

Instead I sent flowers.

Well, that's inevitable.

I felt the same way.

You?

You made her life.

A son shouldn't have to

make his mother's life.

You know, Dad always said he didn't know

the meaning

of the word "quit."

Well, he quit on her.

And I...

I... I was just there. I...

Every time I see him like this, asleep.

The old tiger.

The old man, my father.

Then he wakes up and becomes Tom Garrison

and I'm in a lot of trouble.

Margaret... Dad.

I must have dozed off.

Where's your mother?

Dad, Alice is here.

Alice? What for?

Hello, Dad.

For as much as

it hath pleased almighty God

to take from the world the

soul of our departed sister,

we commit her body to the ground.

Dust to dust, ashes to ashes.

The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away.

Blessed be the name of the Lord.

I don't know how you feel,

but I'd like to figure out some

kind of memorial for Mother.

Use some of the money she left.

Yes, definitely.

Maybe some shelves of books

for the children's library.

Christmas books were the

stories she liked to tell.

That's a good idea.

Well, Gene, what are we going to do?

I don't know.

I think you should go ahead and get

married and move to California, but...

I might as well get it off my chest.

It would be murder

if he came to live with us.

First place, he wouldn't do it,

feeling as he does about Sidney.

The kids can't stand how he tells

them how to do everything.

You know, I can't tell you how

it makes me feel as a man

to see someone like that who was

distinguished and remarkable just...

Just become a nuisance.

I know I sound hard, but as

long as we can be assured

that he's taken care of...

I'll feel some guilt,

and you, maybe more,

but my responsibility is to

my husband and children.

Yes.

That's your responsibility.

And your responsibility is to yourself.

Get married again

to get away from memories of

Carol and her whole world.

Maybe it's Mother's death, the funeral...

All I can think about is Carol.

Gene... My friend, my brother.

Get out of here.

You know, we only remember

the terrible things about Dad.

I've been trying to remember

some of the others.

What he did for us. I'm

doing a lot for my kids.

I don't expect them to pay

me back at the other end.

I'm sure we can find

a full-time housekeeper,

and he can afford it.

No, he wouldn't agree to that.

It's either that or finding a home.

We might as well face it,

his mind is going.

Sooner or later we'll have to start

thinking about powers of attorney.

Perhaps even committing

him to an institution.

God, it's all so ugly.

He kicked me out.

He said he never wanted to see me again.

He broke Mother's heart

over that for years.

He was mean, unloving.

He used to beat the hell out of you

when you were a kid if you disobeyed him.

You've hated and feared

him all your adult life.

Still, he's my father and a man.

And what's happening to him

as a man appalls me.

You don't know how ashamed I feel.

I mean, not being able to

say to him with open arms,

"Papa, come live with me."

"Papa, I love you,

I want to take care of you."

I'm going to talk to him

tonight about a housekeeper.

I'll do the dirty work,

but when he turns to you,

don't you give in.

I've always wanted to love him.

Always needed to love him.

How are you coming?

Alice.

I've written out receipts for you to sign

for the jewelry your mother left you

and the things she left for Charlotte.

All right.

It may not be necessary,

but, as the executor, I...

I'll be held responsible

for these things.

Dad, I want to talk a little with

you about... Yes, all right.

But first, I want Gene to hear this

letter I've written to Harry Hall.

He and I used to play golf

together out in Jersey.

He wrote me a very nice

letter about your mother,

and I've written him as follows.

It'll only take a minute, if

I can read my own shorthand.

"Dear Harry, how thoughtful of you"

"to write me on the occasion

of Margaret's death."

"It was quite a blow."

"As you know, she was my inspiration"

"and had been since that day 55 years ago"

"when I first met her,"

"when the clouds hung

low and dark for me."

"At the time,"

"I was supporting my

younger brother and sister"

"and my aged grandfather"

"in a two-room flat,"

"going to work every day

in a lumber mill."

"Providence, which has

always been my guide,"

"prompted me to take a night

course in shorthand and typing,"

"and also prompted me to go to the

Underwood Typewriting Company"

"seeking a position as stenographer."

"They sent me, God be praised,"

"to the office of T.J.

Parks of Colonial Brass"

"and a job that started at $5 a week."

"Ended in 1954, when I retired,"

"at 50,000 a year."

That's as far as I've

gotten at the moment.

Dad, I don't think financial matters

are particularly appropriate in

answering a letter of condolence.

But it's true.

You see, it follows.

I'm saying that she was my inspiration.

And it seems entirely

appropriate to explain it.

It's your letter, Dad.

Dad, I'm leaving tomorrow.

And...

What?

I'm going home tomorrow.

Well, Alice, I'm grateful

to you for coming.

Your mother would have appreciated it.

She was very fond of you.

I think we ought to talk

over what your plans are.

My plans?

I have many letters to answer

and a whole mess

in my files and accounts.

If the income tax people ever

ask me to produce my books...

I didn't mean exactly that kind of plan.

I meant...

Do you plan to keep the house?

Why, of course, all my things are here.

It's, It's...

I'll be back on my feet.

My...

Will clear up.

Now this strain is over.

I'm confident I'll be

in shape any day now.

I worry leaving you

in the house alone, Dad.

I'm perfectly all right.

Don't you worry about me,

either one of you.

Why... Why, for the last year, ever

since your mother's first attack,

I've been getting the breakfasts,

making the beds, using a dust rag.

And the laundress comes in once a week

to clean up for me, and Gene here...

He'll keep an eye on me.

Drop in once or twice a week.

That's the point.

Alice...

We think you should get

a full-time housekeeper.

To live here.

Alone here with me?

Well, that's not very proper, is it?

Nevertheless...

No. Now, that's final.

Dad, Gene and I would

feel a lot better if...

Look, Alice, you don't

have to worry about me.

I'm perfectly all right.

You go.

Leave with a clear mind.

I'm all right.

Of course, I will appreciate.

Gene's dropping in now and

then, but I'm all right.

We would still like to

get a full-time housekeeper.

What do you mean, you would like to get?

I've hired and fired thousands

of people in my day.

I don't need anyone

getting someone for me.

Well, will you do it yourself, then?

No! I told you no!

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