I Never Sang for My Father Page #5

Since I was eight years old

I've taken care of myself.

What would you two know about it?

You were given everything on a platter.

At an age when you were swinging

on that tree out there,

breaking all the branches,

I was selling newspapers five hours a day

and, at night, dancing a jig

in saloons for pennies.

Don't you tell me

I can't take care of myself.

If I want a housekeeper, and I don't,

I'll hire one myself.

I've hired and fired thousands

of people in my day.

When I was vice president of Colonial

Brass at 50,000 a year, 2,000 people.

And you tell me

I'm incompetent to hire a...

To hire a housekeeper.

How many people have you hired?

You teach.

All right, if that's what you want to do,

that's your business.

But don't talk to me

about hiring and firing.

Dad, you might fall down.

Why fall down?

There's nothing wrong with my balance.

Sometimes when you get up you're dizzy.

Nonsense.

I... I appreciate your concern,

but I'm perfectly able

to carry on by myself.

As I said, with Gene's

help, from time to time.

I imagine we could have

dinner once in a while.

Couldn't we, Gene?

Once or twice a week?

Take you out to Rotary.

Some of the speakers are quite amusing.

Sure, Dad.

Give us time to get together at last.

Chance to know each other.

Gene wants to get married.

Alice.

What?

Gene wants to move to

California and get married.

Alice, will you shut up?

I can't help it.

You've never faced up to him.

You'd let him ruin your life.

I can handle my own life.

- You can't.

- Children.

Children.

I don't want to interfere

with either of your lives.

I took care of myself at eight,

I can take care of myself at 80.

I've never wanted to be

a burden to my children.

I'm going to hang around, Dad.

There's no need to.

I'll move in here just until

you start feeling better.

I don't want to ruin your life.

I didn't say that.

I've long had the impression

that my only function in this family

was to supply the money for... Dad.

To supply the funds for your education!

Dad, will you stop it?

As far as I'm concerned,

this conversation is ended.

Alice, we've gotten along

very well for some years now

without your attention.

Dad.

You sent me away.

Don't forget that.

You chose to lead your own life.

Well, we won't keep you now.

Dad, come on, stop it!

I've been competent to go

into the city year after year

to earn money for your clothes,

your food, the roof over your head.

Am I now incompetent?

Is that what you're trying to tell me?

For God's sakes, Alice.

I'm only trying to get a

practical matter accomplished.

You didn't have to destroy

him in the process.

I wasn't discussing his competence,

though that will be

a matter for discussion soon.

Look, you can go with a clear conscience.

I'm doing this because I want to.

You're doing it because

you can't help yourself.

Look, when I want to be

analyzed, I'll pay for it.

Did you see yourself in there

when he started

to rage? You shrank.

I shrank at the ugliness

of what was happening.

You're staying because

you can't stand his wrath

the day you say,

"Dad, I'm leaving."

You've never been able

to stand up to his anger.

Look, Alice...

He'll call you ungrateful

and you'll believe him.

What do you want us to do?

Get out a white paper and let it

be known that we, Alice and Gene,

have done all we can to, help

this old man in his old age

and make him happy? Without

inconveniencing ourselves, of course.

And he's refused our help,

so if he falls down and hits his head

and he lies there to rot,

it's not our fault.

I don't think anyone expects

either of us to ruin our lives

for an unreasonable old man.

It's not going to ruin my life. It is.

It's a week or a month.

Forever.

Alice.

Let's stop this.

I know what I'm going to do.

I just can't do anything else.

Maybe there isn't the same thing

between a mother and a daughter,

but the old man in me wants

to extend some kind of mercy

to that old man.

I never had a father.

I ran away from him, he ran away from me.

And maybe he's...

Maybe he's right.

Maybe it's time we found each other.

Excuse me for saying so,

but I find that

a lot of sentimental crap.

What do you hope to find?

You hope to find love?

Can't you tell from what he just said

what you're going to find?

Alice, don't give me the textbooks.

He wants your balls.

And he's had them.

Sorry.

I want to shock you.

When has he ever regarded you

as a man, an equal, a male?

When you were a Marine,

and that you did for him.

You didn't want to be a Marine.

"Now, Papa,

will you love me?"

When was he ever proud

of the things you do?

The things you value?

When did he ever mention your teaching,

or your books, except in scorn?

I just do not want to let

my father die a stranger.

You're looking for something

that isn't there, Gene.

You're looking for a

mother's love in a father.

Mothers are soft and yielding.

Fathers are hard and rough,

to teach us the way of the world,

which is rough, which is mean,

which is selfish and prejudiced.

All right, that's your definition.

Because of what he did to you,

you're entitled to it.

I've always been grateful for what

he did to me, kicking me out.

He taught me a marvelous lesson

and he's made me able to face a lot.

And there's been a lot to face.

And so I'm grateful as hell to him.

Because if I couldn't get the

understanding and compassion

from a father,

who could I expect it from?

So I learned, and I didn't expect

it, and I found very little.

And so I'm grateful to him.

I'm grateful as hell to him.

Let's not argue anymore?

I'm going to stay, Alice.

For a while at least,

for whatever reasons.

And Peggy?

Well, we'll see.

She'll be here in a week for a meeting.

Don't lose her, Gene.

Maybe I'm still fouled up on myself,

but I think I've spoken

near the truth about you.

Suddenly I miss Mother so.

Board!

Let me emphasize that this kind of place

would only be equipped to handle your dad

while he's still able to

function reasonably well.

Of course, at Christmas we fix

it up with holly and candles,

make it very attractive.

This is a superior place.

Rates run around $50 a day.

Well, the State Hospital's just

a few minutes' drive from here.

My God.

It may sound brutal to say it,

but that's the other side

of our miracle drugs.

We keep them alive,

but a grim alternative.

Attention, please.

Flight number 10 from Los Angeles

has arrived at Gate number 3.

Come over here.

It's great to see you.

The real world.

Promise me one thing.

We'll die young.

It's a little late for me.

I mean, before we...

Before we become public nuisances.

Love. It's been rough?

That old man.

I know.

I see it all the time.

Have you managed to find

a housekeeper for him?

I looked at the homes the other day,

the institutions, it's...

We'd all come east, you know.

The kids.

If you want it that way.

I don't want it that way.

I don't know what I want...

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