I Sell The Dead Page #4

No.

He seemed a little

bit too intense to me.

So Fortune of War?

Oh, aye.

I'm flat broke though.

Yeah, me too.

I got this new bird, though.

She might have a couple of quid.

Ah, good for you, son.

Some jobs were harder than others.

We went hungry at times,

but mainly we made off

with whatever we snatched.

But you, uh...

you took him up on his offer, Murphy.

No.

But I considered it.

There were no flies on him,

and if there were,

they were paying rent.

But you crossed paths again?

Oh, aye.

Well, Willie and I had

it in for the snobs.

They thought they were better than us.

When was... when was the

last time you crossed paths?

Not too long ago, but here.

Let me tell you about the time

I teamed up with The Whistler.

Hoo.

Uh, Mr. Blake.

He was a slippery bollocks.

What about The Wrinkler?

I have a million stories.

I knew all the snatchers.

- Mr. Blake!

If we had the time,

I'd love to hear all

your lovely stories,

but time is of the essence.

Now I would like to hear

about the House of Murphy.

Why?

They're a gang of a**holes.

I'm bored talking about them.

Got what they deserved.

What did they get?

Eh?

Look.

I would love to finish my

chapter on the House of Murphy.

Now, tell me about Cornelius.

Fair enough.

Let me see.

Mad bastard from a long

line of mad bastards,

not much of a sense of humor,

believed to be in league with Lucifer.

Was he now?

And what about his gang?

Well, old Cornelius and his gang

had a knack for snatching the undead.

They took it very personally.

It's a family business with them.

His father was the real mastermind,

had Cornelius and his gang

doing all his dirty work,

supposed to be a right evil bastard.

Anyway, Willie and I were

told to stay clear of them,

and we did mainly.

That's how it was for years.

We kept our head above water.

Ronnie helped us out by

keeping his ear to the ground.

We even took on an

apprentice, Fanny Bryers.

One point, she was a wrecker.

A wrecker?

Oh, she would lure

ships onto the rocks

and scavenge the wreckage.

But she got bored of that

and had aspirations of being a snatcher.

Fanny Bryers, hmm.

Lovely, lovely Fanny Bryers.

Lovely.

Did you here that, Willie?

Arthur says I'm lovely.

Well, he must be drunk,

you boozy old slapper.

Oh, shove off, you.

I am lovely.

You are lovely.

You are.

Don't you even listen to him.

Oh!

You should be ashamed of your selves.

Here it is.

Here it is.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

That's mine.

Ready? Ready?

Are you ready, Mr. Grimes?

Right, wait a minute.

When I finish this pint,

I'm gonna put the

empty glass on me head,

and that's when you two go for it.

Right, then?

Okay, here we go.

[Indistinct muttering[

It's very sexy.

# Says my aul wan to your aul wan #

# will you come to the Waxies dargle? #

# Says your aul wan to my aul wan #

# Sure, I haven't got a farthing #

# Just been down to Monto town #

# to see uncle McArdle #

# But he wouldn't give me half a crown #

# for to go to the Waxies dargle #

# What'll you have? #

# I'll have a pint #

# I'll have a pint with you, sir #

# And if one of us doesn't order soon #

# We'll get chucked out of the boozer #

# I'll have a pint with you, sir #

# And if one of us doesn't order soon #

# We'll get chucked out of the boozer #

It's a bleedin' draw.

Robbed I was.

I was robbed.

Ha!

I'm catching up with you, old man.

I was robbed of that.

Come here.

You'll have him

the next time, Arthur.

Yeah, I will.

I'll have you next time.

Can you two talk business?

Sober as a judge, mate.

You remember Maisey O'Connell?

I'll box your ears in when I get you.

Do you hear me?

A friend of the family.

Is she still not talking to you?

No.

Neither is me family.

She's in here the other night.

She's got a new job

working at the old mortuary,

you know, the place that handles

a lot of the old walking stiff trade.

It's her first night on the job,

and no one had told her about

their more unusual shipments.

What did she come across?

Well, she wouldn't say,

so I filled the aul wan so

full of booze she couldn't walk.

I called her a carriage.

I closed the place down.

There's no love nor money

could drag me back to

that place ever again.

Yes, dear.

Get in.

And me with me nerves.

So terrified she

was with what she saw,

she insists I ride with her.

You had a bad day, Maisey?

What was that?

A... a bad day, Maisey.

Ah.

Lantern Jesus, for a moment there

I thought I dreamt up the whole thing.

Oh, I never want to go

back to that place again.

You sure you might not

feel different in the morning?

It's off to the house

of the Lord in the morning.

'Twas pure and simple

evil I met up with.

Was it something hideous and awful?

You can talk to me, Maisey.

I'm a good listener.

What did you see today?

The living dead.

Bingo.

Lovely.

Yeah, the woman was mortified,

said she was expecting

a shipment that morning.

Shipment was to arrive by

boat, but the boat crashed,

somewhere off of Langols Island.

Only one of three boxes was recovered.

What was in the box?

Took me ages to prize open the box.

And I'm only an old woman,

and there was nobody else about.

Ah, but you got it open.

Oh, I opened it, all right.

Brilliant.

That's very funny, Ronnie.

Yous two are terrible.

The poor woman.

So how'd she get away, Ron?

Oh, it had the grip on me.

'Twas the unholy grasp of Satan.

I looked into its dead, black eyes,

and I could see meself

screaming back at meself.

Oh, I thought I was dead for sure.

Jesus, Maisey, you're

lucky to be alive.

It was horrible,

the pale, spidery thing.

If it hadn't been

for my cross and chain,

he would have had me guts for garters.

A cross, eh?

A good thing in all

the rest never arrived.

Expecting two more we were,

but word has it they got lost at sea.

And now they tell me they got

washed up on Langols Island

and have to be retrieved.

Well, I want nothing more to do with it.

It seems a few "surgeons"

believe these things

may be the key to immortality.

That's why they're so desperate

to get their hands on these corpses.

Immortality?

Well, who's off to

Langols Island, then?

Who's with old Willie?

Easy pickings.

Nice little earner, boys.

We'll need a what you may call it,

a crustafix.

A crucifix, love.

Yeah, well, there's just

one problem, boys and girls.

Ah, no worries, Ronnie.

Name your percentage.

Yeah, well, it is

a tiny little slice,

but that's not the problem.

They've, uh, hired somebody to

help them pick up the pieces.

Who?

It seems the mortuary has

called on the House of Murphy

to help them out.

That's that, then.

Bollocks.

What's the House of Murphy?

Not what, who.

It's a vicious gang of body snatchers

that I don't want to cross.

We'd be fools to try, Willie.

Now, they can't be all that bad.

Let me tell you something

about the House of Murphy.

First of all, there's

the big wig himself,

Samuel Murphy, Sam the Spider.

Keeps himself well out of sight.

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