I Served the King of England Page #4

Maitre d' Skrivanek taught me

that I must recognize

where each patron is from

and be able to differentiate Czechs

from Germans, French from Poles...

he said I must learn to know

what a customer is likely to order.

I must be able to guess how much

money a customer has on him

and thus how much he'll spend,

or should spend.

And I must also know

who hasn't been served yet,

and who'd like the check so they

won't have to snap their fingers.

I saw that she was

as small as I, and beautiful.

And I noticed that she

looked at me the same way.

She looked at my hair, as light

as straw, at my sheep's blue eyes.

And I knew that I had

to protect her against all Czechs

who would harm

this little Sudeten girl.

She told me I had the most

beautiful blond hair in the world

and I told her that when I became

the maitre d' of Hotel Paris,

I'd save up for a hotel of own

and I'd be the hotelier.

With such a medal we could open

a hotel in the Sudeten Mountains

or in the Bohemian Paradise.

We'd call it the Order

of the Ethiopian Empire Hotel.

I care for you.

You were so brave.

To protect my German honor

against the Czech rabble but...

I'm not German.

Lise lectured me about

the importance of pure blood,

and that races should not mix.

She said race isn't determined

by language but by blood,

and that mixing blood

would harm the superior race,

that mating with an inferior race

would dilute its cultish power...

But I didn't know how

- nor did I want- to listen.

Eventually, Lise asked me

to check my genealogy

because I must have

some German ancestors.

I said that my granddad's name on

his grave was written Johann Ditie,

and that he'd been a lord s groom.

I was ashamed

he'd been a horse groom,

but in her eyes I grew more

than if I'd been a Czech count.

This customer will have tea

with bread and butter.

This customer will have

Prague ham and pickles,

and a glass or Pilsner.

- A Pilsner and Prague ham!

- And a pickle on the side!

I bet you I know

where this young lady is from.

You cannot expect anything better

from such Czech rabble!

Mr. Dite!

You are not a good Czech;

you are discharged.

And I will see to it

that no one in Prague hires you.

Prague is a beautiful Reich city.

A day will come when the Fuhrer

will liberate every German from the

Bohemian Forest to the Carpathians.

She told me that Reich Germans

long for Slavic blood.

That they nave been trying

for thousands of years to marry it.

Czech People,

at the eleventh hour I resolved,

with the agreement of the government,

to seek an audience

with Reichschancellor Adolf Hitler.

After a long talk

with the Reichschancellor

and after ascertaining

the state of affairs.

I have decided to announce

that I am surrendering the fate

of the Czech nation and state.

Into the hands

of the leader of the German nation.

In return for this show of trust

I received a promise

that our nation would be

guaranteed independence

and our right to develop

our national life.

Well, It didn't help in the least

that you served the King of England.

- What is it?

- A mirror.

The villagers gave me lots of them.

They were glad to see them go.

They say that Germans appear

when they look into them.

- Do you believe that?

- No.

Seeing myself is quite enough.

The Nuremberg Laws stated that

as a citizen of another nation.

In order to marry Lise Rapanek

I had to be examined

to see if I were fit

to impregnate Arian German blood.

And now young man,

like in your youth...

Vile Traitors Justly Executed!

Nothing yet?

Those beads of my semen

were labeled excellent:

Fit to impregnate an Arial

vagina in a dignified manner.

And the officer for the protection

of German Blood and Honor

found nothing against

my marrying Arian German blood.

I had a wonderful feeling from

being able to attend a celebration

with young people

just as fair haired as I.

And though I couldn't speak proper

German, I felt like a German.

Lise explained, to everyone

that I had defended her German

honor against the Czech rabble,

and I tried to get used to the role

of a tolerated Arian-Bohemian,

but I didn't let on.

I knew that any of the officers

could woo Lise,

but I was always the only one

who enchanted her.

Because I know the necessity

of love and play and playfulness

behind closed doors.

This I understood When I garnished

Jaruska's tummy with daisies

and the tummies of Vanda, Julinka,

and others with any suitable thing.

- Maitre d' sir, they're...

- I know.

As a member of the German army,

Lise got me a job

at an unexpected place:

Hotel Tichota. But it was

no longer called Tichota.

This is a selective

human breeding center

where future mothers carry the new

citizens of Europe in their wombs.

Here is where we cross the pure

blood of German girls and soldiers.

The doctor explained

that German soldiers come here

as studs or purebred boars

to scientifically impregnate

German females with German semen.

I was to attend to the girls

so they'd be properly

prepared for intercourse.

I imagined things would proceed

just like when we got

the cow and bull together or the

nanny-goat and the village billy.

I may conceive a new being tonight

the founder of a new Europe.

Roused by the blitzkrieg's success

Lise decided to go to the front.

She volunteered to go

because we had yet

to present the Fuhrer

with a new German.

She parted from me.

Proud that she would belong

to the finest army in the world

Suddenly I was sad she was leaving,

sad that she might never return.

I loved her, that little teacher

from Cheb who was as small as I.

All the women that had come

into my life had been taller.

Lise was the only one

I could look straight in the eye.

And only now did it dawn on me

that there was a war somewhere

and that my wife

was leaving me for that war.

And that my wife

was leaving me for that war.

My neighbors abandoned me to find

other musical trees elsewhere.

I longed for someone

to be here with me.

I looked at myself and I saw

a stranger from that perspective.

A person starts to talk to himself,

lets memory

present images of the past.

But then he starts

to address himself,

ask questions

and interrogate himself,

bring charges against himself

like a prosecutor, defend himself.

While people at home suffered

I served German girls

to whom soldiers and Waffen SS

were admitted nightly

under scientific supervision.

These women considered me

a servant despite of my tuxedo.

I was a side table in front of whom

they felt no embarrassment.

They were careful to let no man

see them but I could freely watch

while they stood naked, talking

toweling dry fuzzy golden bellies,

cautiously and meticulously wiping

crotches as if I weren't there.

In my free time

I wrote long letter to Lise.

After Warsaw was taken

I had an address for her there,

then I sent letters to Paris.

Lise wrote me from

Kiev and Smolensk.

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