I Think I Love My Wife Page #7

we're on the ground,

- and we're...

- No, stop. No, stop.

That is, that's-that's the

dumbest sh*t in the world.

I can't believe your...

You're a grown man!

You...

All right, De La Hoya,

you know what?

You put the dishes away,

and I'm gonna go upstairs.

I'm gonna pretend

I'm married to a grown man.

WOMAN (on TV):

...breaking news, this just in.

MAN:

Today, in national news, a Washington D.C. Man

named Teddy Smith shot

and wounded two police officers.

He was later apprehended

after a violent standoff.

More news after the break.

Sh*t.

(sighs)

(rips paper)

Cooper, you're a good banker.

You've brought a lot

of money to this company.

Do you think you've brought a

lot of money into this company?

Yeah, I've-I've, I've

brought some money in.

Well, in all the years

you've been here,

you've brought in

close to $20 million.

That's a lot of money, right?

Right?

L-I guess so.

See this quarter?

See it?

Yes, I see it.

This quarter is you.

This is $20 million.

Do you see this table?

This is Pupkin & Langford.

This is $800 million.

This is your value to the company.

You're on probation.

Any more problems, you're fired.

Are we clear?

Yes, sir.

You know, Cooper,

you can lose a lot of money

chasing women,

but you'll never lose women

chasing money.

##

RICHARD:
I got lucky.

I still had myjob,

I still had my family.

All I had to do was one thing.

Nikki is on line one.

Tell her I'm not here.

Sure.

(woman singing)

Sorry, he's not in right now.

(singing continues)

Nikki called twice.

What should I tell her

if she calls again?

Just tell her I'm not here.

(singing continues)

- Way overboard.

- (phone ringing)

I'm not offended, I just don't...

Well, you know what?

You have to...

Richard Cooper's office.

I'm not here.

He's not in the office right now.

Can I take a message?

Well, can you let him know

that I called?

Tell her I'm dead.

- Okay.

- Really dead.

Will do, Nikki.

Really dead.

Yes.

(singing continues)

(singing continues)

(singing continues)

(song fades)

(AUDIENCE CHATTERING)

HANNAH:
Teddy, wake up!

TEDDY:
Too deep!

You're awake here at

the dining room.

STEVEN:
Hannah, you notice him

to do sleeping things.

RICHARD:

I can't do that!

LANDIS:

You're not gonna ask you

to do it again!

STEVEN:
I got a plan.

They have something to

tell you for all of us!

Come here, everyone!

(rock music plays over speakers)

MAN:
The Killers?

I always thought you were

more of a Wu-Tang guy.

Nelson?

Get outta here!

Long time, no see.

Yeah.

Same to you, Mr. Wall Street.

Are you still working

down at Pupkin & Langford?

Yeah, l-I think I'm still there.

We'll see how long that lasts.

- Hmm.

- So, what are you up to?

Oh. Sh*t, nothing much.

Doing a little work

for the Legal Defense Fund.

It's going okay.

Figured I'd come in here

and pick up a few CDs.

Pretty soon, the only place

you'll be able

to buy 'em is at Starbucks.

I know, and they don't

sell any rap at Starbucks.

I guess you want some rap, you

got to go to a liquor store.

Yeah, let me get a pint

ofJack and thatJa Rule.

Hey, guess who I saw

two weeks ago- Nikki.

She said she bumped

into you or something, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, she

came by the office.

So, how was that for you?

I mean, you guys had

a pretty bad breakup.

No, no, it was actually kind

of cool to see her again.

I mean, if I'd ran into her

without my medication, who knows?

But, uh... we talked for a minute.

You know, caught up.

Got to tell you, Rich, man,

she still look good.

I mean, she's... that

(mumbles)... fine!

She's... man, just

the way she's shaped...

I mean, you see her skin?!

Did you... you saw her.

I mean it ju-ju-just... smooth.

I looked at her, I kept

watching her, next thing I know,

I'd been looking at her

for 20 minutes.

And I realized I was following

her, you know what I mean?

I mean, it wasn't creepy

or nothing, you know.

I didn't...

I don't think she saw me.

And I'm just gonna,

you know, stay away.

I'm getting my life together.

Anyway, if you see Nikki,

you tell her I said hello.

Don't... no, don't...

don't do that. Don't.

It's good to see you, Rich.

(woman singing)

Hey, Richard, I have

some messages for you.

(singing continues)

Did Nikki call?

No, she didn't.

I guess she finally got the hint.

(singing continues)

(singing continues)

(song fades)

How is your morning, Hannah?

That's great.

You know Nikki?

HANNAH:

She's so f***ed up!

It was gorgeous than

Drop Dead Gorgeous on Twitter.

Excuse me?

I don't care.

MR. BOYD:

It was declared.

Please stand for

The Pledge Of Alliegance.

What?

ALL:

I'm Pledge of Alliegance

To the flag--.

Whenever!

... United States Of America.

Into the Republic

For which it stands.

One nation

Under god

in indivisble.

For Liberty

And justice for all.

Please be seated.

(ALL CLAPPING IN RYTHTM)

Hey! We got a birthday!

(ALL VOCALIZING)

Get your birthday, Yes, it is!

Happy Birthday.

Get your birthday, Yes, it is!

Happy birthday dear!

RICHARD:

Get out the way!

(WOMAN PANICKING)

Oh, they're gone.

(PHONE RINGING)

CANDY:
Hello?

LANDIS:

Hey, Candy, what are you

doing?

I saw something going on

what's showing on television

was the Golden Girls.

I need to get all of my friends here

because it got all snuffed up!

See you later!

LANDIS:

Bye, Candy.

CANDY:
Have a good night!

Hey.

What are you doing here?

Can I ask you a question?

It's personal.

Go right ahead.

Why are you still married?

I mean, you never really seemed

like the marrying type, and now

even though you say you're

happy, I don't think you are.

I'm happy. I mean, wh-when

I got with Brenda,

I decided to settle down.

I mean, she's a great

mother, and I love her.

See? You don't say it right!

We're gonna go through

this sh*t again.

How was I supposed to say it, Nikki?

You're supposed to say

that you love her

and you can't live without her.

You just sound indebted.

You're not in love; you're in loyal.

Well, at least I'm in something.

At-at least I have a family.

Wh-What do you have?

Oh, don't throw that

family sh*t at me.

You and your wife, you don't

talk, you don't f***.

If that's what family is, I'll wait.

For what, Nikki?

What are you waiting for?

For the real thing.

Love.

Or at least a sponsor,

but I'm not settling.

You ever think about

getting a skill?

Oh, I got skills.

(laughs) What are you doing here?

I don't know, we're...

we're friends, right?

(giggles)

Yeah... We're friends.

Come on, I got to get back to work.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes