I Was a Male War Bride Page #10

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with the old man.

Hiya.

Oh. Hi.

- What can I do for you?

- Well, uh...

I'm looking for a place to sleep.

Can you help me?

Afraid not. Nothing but women

sleepin' in there.

Yeah, I know. Building 11.

My wife's in there.

- A lot of people's wives are in there.

- Yeah.

Have you ever noticed that women always get

a place to sleep? I wonder why that is.

Well, I suppose it's because

they're the weaker sex.

I don't believe it. I believe

they're stronger. And do you know why?

Because they get enough sleep,

that's why.

I am sorry I can't help you.

Well, very kind of you, Corporal.

Good night. You from Brooklyn?

Yonkers.

What are those?

Good night, buddy.

I am an alien spouse of female military

personnel en route to the United States...

under public law 271

of the congress...

and I've been everywhere in town

looking for a place to sleep.

You poor man. Well, you can't stay here.

This is a female building.

It is?

Another woman's building.

You know, I've come to the conclusion...

that American men don't sleep.

Well, not in this building.

I was wondering if there'd be any

objection to my sitting here for a while.

You could sort of imagine

I'm waiting for something.

Well, it all depends on what

you imagine you're waiting for.

I'm sure I don't want to send you

out on a night like this.

That's very kind. That's nice.

Tell me, what part of the United States

do you come from?

- Boston, up in Massachusetts.

- Massachu-chu-chu...

Right. Is there a place

called Yonkers?

- Sure. It's in New York.

- Oh. I was wondering.

Well, I'm...

I'm a little mixed up.

- May I hold that for you?

- Oh, thanks.

You see, I just got married.

Well, where's your wife?

Oh, she's in another female building.

Building 11.

- And you couldn't find a bed anywhere?

- No... Well, almost.

There was, uh...

There was one in Brooklyn...

- and another one with a woman in it.

- A woman?

- He was a very disagreeable man.

- Who was?

Her husband. Yeah, it would've been

nicer in Brooklyn.

- With the husband?

- No. The old man.

You are tired, aren't you?

- There he is. I'll see you on the boat.

- Okay.

Pardon me. Excuse me.

Pardon me.

Oh, darling, I was afraid

you'd missed the last bus.

- Oh, sailor, could you take these bags, please?

- All right.

Thank you. Henri...

Henri, you look awful.

- What have you been doing?

- I've been sitting up all night with a redhead.

- What?

- Knitting.

- What?

- You ought to see me purl.

- Oh, you ought to see her purl.

- What are you talking about?

Attention all passengers.

Please get on board as soon as possible...

as soon as possible, please.

- I'd like to show you how to do that sometime.

- We gotta go.

- Got your papers?

- What?

- Have you got your papers?

- They're right there.

Listen, darling. All we have to do

is get aboard the ship.

Remember, no back talk, no argument.

Just keep your temper. Promise?

- I promise.

- All right. Come on.

You've been to the navy personnel.

They'll clear you through.

Here's your boarding card.

Your orders, please, Lieutenant.

Thank you.

- Lieutenant Gates.

- Right.

- Here's your boarding card, Lieutenant.

- Thank you.

- Surely.

- What do you want, mister?

- I want to go aboard.

- I'm sorry. This ship is for war brides and a few...

I know. I know, Sergeant.

Here are my orders.

Have you got a Rochard

on your list?

- Yeah, a Mrs. Henri Rochard.

- That's me.

- You're not a woman.

- We don't want you. We want your wife.

You can't have my wife.

That's one thing I'm particular about.

- Henri.

- Oh, yes, Catherine, I'll remember.

There's been a slight misunderstanding,

gentlemen. My name is Henri Rochard.

Henri. Have you ever heard

of a woman called Henri?

I'm tryin' to think.

You know a lot of dames, Sam.

- I know a Billie.

- I don't know any. Maybe he's right.

- You see, I am a war bride.

- What?

- This is my wife.

- Oh.

It's a very natural mistake.

You're not the first to have made it.

Now, if my papers are in order,

may I go aboard?

I guess we'll have

to let him go on.

- Here's your boarding card.

- Thank you. Good day.

- Good day.

- Good day.

You were wonderful, Henri.

I knew if you kept your temper,

everything would be all right.

- I thought I behaved quite well.

- Oh, you did.

May I see your orders, please?

- Stateroom B-14, Lieutenant.

- Thank you.

How'd you get up here? This ship is

for war brides and military personnel.

Yes, yes, I know.

My name is Rochard.

You'll think I'm a bride,

but actually, I'm a husband.

There'll be a moment

or two of confusion...

- but if we all keep our heads, everything will be fine.

- I don't think it will.

- I've got a Mrs. "Rotcherd" on my list.

- Rochard!

She's in A-88 with two other brides

and three children.

- Oh, well, that, of course, will have to be altered.

- Not by me it won't.

I have just explained everything

to the army.

They understood.

They passed me.

The army understood,

and they passed you.

Oh, that's fine.

That's just dandy.

Did you hear that? The army understood,

and they passed him.

This is the navy, bud.

- My friend, I have had weeks of the United States Army, and...

- Henri.

And I'm quite prepared

to take on the United States Navy.

And the United States Navy's

quite prepared to take you on, mister.

Hey, fellas,

get this guy out of here.

Just a minute. Have you heard

of a woman called Henri?

Yeah. Henrietta. Powell Street.

San Francisco. Take him.

- No, no, no. No. Never mind. Never mind.

- Get goin'.

All right, I'm going.

Just go on about your business.

Henri, you shouldn't have lost

your temper. Where are you going?

I'm going someplace to change

back into a man.

- I'm tired of being my own wife.

- You can't give up now.

- Well, make them give up. Someone has to.

- Listen, will you?

Once on board that ship, everything

will be over, and you'll be a man forever.

- Now, it's worth a try, isn't it, darling?

- How can we?

- Well, Henri, I don't know...

- Lieutenant, would you take this bag for me?

- I left something on the bus.

- I'll have someone put it in the mess hall for you.

- Now, what were you saying?

- Henri, do you love me?

- Of course I love you.

- And you'll make one more try to get aboard that boat?

- If you say so.

- You promise?

- I promise.

- And you'll keep it?

- I promised, didn't I?

- All right. Come on.

Here. Hold these.

Whoa, boy. Whoa.

Nah, that won't do.

Oh, here's a better one here.

Whoa, boy. Whoa, fella.

- What are you doing?

- Come on, Henri. Lean down.

Lean down close. I wanna

see somethin'. Uh-huh. That goes perfect.

- With what?

- Give me your knife.

You're not going to...

I won't do it.

- This will make a perfectly good wig.

- I won't do it.

- And we've got the clothes right here.

- Catherine, I will not do it.

- But, Henri, you said you loved me.

- Well, I'm not so sure now.

And you promised. Give me your knife.

Come on, Henri.

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