I Was a Male War Bride Page #11

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There's not much time.

This is ridiculous.

Catherine, can't you at least

cut it off the mane?

Henri, you're taking this

much too personally.

Now, stand so no one

can see what I'm doing.

Mmm, a little tough.

Hmm. Won't be so bad

when I get your bangs rolled.

Wanna see what you look like?

Horrible.

I don't think I'll be called

upon to defend my honor.

- I doubt it.

- It's a pity.

- I wonder if some lipstick would help.

- Oh, no.

- Well, why not?

- I'm more the outdoor type.

Sea Biscuit. Bang Tail.

You know?

Oh, silly, hold still.

Let me roll these.

Oh, wait a minute. I forgot somethin'.

Can you talk like a woman?

- You mean like this?

- Can't you do better than that?

- No.

- Just remember... Keep your mouth closed. Not a word.

Leave everything to me.

And keep your head down.

Oh, sailor, would you put this

in the mess hall for me, please?

- Sure, Lieutenant.

- Thank you.

Wait a moment.

Hey, did you hear that?

I must look pretty good.

- Don't be silly. That was for me.

- For you?

- Of course.

- I ought to punch him in the nose.

- Henri, remember, you're a lady.

- Oh, yeah, yeah.

- We have our boarding cards. We've been up before.

- Go ahead.

I don't remember

that tall one, Sam.

- It's hard to believe you could forget a face like that.

- Yeah.

Lieutenant Gates. B-14.

I was up before.

Oh, yes. Your orders, please.

Say, that's funny. Rochard.

Why aren't you listed among

the military personnel, Lieutenant?

Save your voice. You'll have to

excuse her. She has laryngitis.

- Now, what were you saying?

- Why isn't the lieutenant listed among military personnel?

- Well, you see, she was just married.

- Married? That may be, but...

Hey, Red. Come here.

- What's the trouble?

- This lieutenant is listed as a missus.

Why'd they put you

down as mi...

How do you do?

- Why'd they put you down as missus instead of lieutenant?

- She has laryngitis.

They possibly didn't list her

as lieutenant because of her husband.

- Who'd she marry?

- Admiral Rochard.

- Who?

- Admiral Rochard.

The name is familiar, but I don't remember it

connected with an admiral.

You never heard of her husband?

He won't like that.

Florence, if I were you,

I wouldn't say a word about this.

Sure. You heard of him, Red.

Admiral Rochard. Sure.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Maybe I have. All right.

- Stateroom A-88, Lieutenant.

- Get your instructions in the mess hall.

Thanks so much.

Come, Florence.

First time I ever felt sorry

for an admiral.

Gams aren't bad.

Now I'm beginning

to feel sorry for you.

- In here, please.

- We were just going...

- Please, Lieutenant. Your instructions first.

- Come on, Florence.

- I don't like that name Florence.

- Oh, shut up.

- Kitty.

- I've been waiting...

- Shh.

- Oh, no.

Stand on the other side

so they can't see so well.

This was the only way.

They wouldn't let him... Henri, duck down.

- I can hear quite well.

- You're too tall. Duck down.

- He looks awful.

- I didn't have much to work with.

I don't see how I could get him aboard.

You got a room where we can put him?

I've got a room, but they wouldn't

let a thing like that in.

We gotta hide him somewhere till we can

change his clothes and the boat sails.

- What about the linen...

- No, and the men's room won't do either.

- Somebody's spotted him already.

- What?

We need a nurse. It's an emergency.

Will you come with me, please?

- I'm a nurse?

- Come along, please.

I hadn't counted on this.

- It's very lucky they found a nurse.

- What's the matter?

- My wife's expectin' a baby.

- What? Oh, no!

- No. It isn't a very convenient time, is it?

- You can say that again.

- It isn't a very convenient time, is it?

- No. No, it isn't.

No. Oh, gee. I wonder if the baby

will be a girl.

- I'll be grateful if it's a baby.

- You will?

Oh, you're very kind.

Gosh, I... I wish I knew

what was going on in there.

- Oh, you won't have long to wait.

- I won't?

Oh, gee whiz. Gosh, I... I don't think

I can stand this.

- You got a bigger shock coming.

- I have?

Mm-hmm.

- The lieutenant got a little dizzy.

- Thank you.

- I'll take care of her. I'll get you some water, dear.

- Pardon me.

- Oh, this is the father, Florence.

- How do you do?

Is it a boy or a... girl...

Oh, no!

What happened to hi...

Well, if it isn't Florence, huh?

Arrest that man.

- It's all right, Henri. The ship has sailed.

- Hmm?

Come along. Come on, Flo.

Florence.

Mr. Rochard, may we come in?

I don't see how I can stop you.

The key's on the outside.

Thank you. Henri, this is Lieutenant Perkins

and Commander Willis.

The commander's the chaplain.

Chaplain? Oh, no, no.

No, nothin' doing. I'm sorry, Chaplain.

- Nothing doing what?

- No more marriages. It isn't worth it.

- I'm not gonna marry her again, Chaplain.

- Why, Henri.

I don't think that'll be necessary.

We've got the whole thing straightened out.

I'm sorry about the mix-up, sir,

but your case was a little unusual.

You see, you're an alien spouse

of female military personnel...

en route to the United States

under public law 271 of the congress.

- Am I now?

- Yes, and under the circumstances...

- the captain would like

to forget the whole thing.

Don't you understand, dear?

You're free. You can go now.

- Where?

- Anywhere on the ship.

We've got you bunked in with one

of the officers. He doesn't mind.

I think he would mind.

He wouldn't like that at all.

- You see, I snore terribly.

- Why, Henri, you don't snore.

- How would you know I don't?

- Oh.

Couldn't we do something simple?

Couldn't I just stay here?

- Well, I... I suppose that...

- I don't see why not.

Well, thank you. That's very nice.

You've been a great help.

Good night.

Thank you very much.

All right.

Mm-hmm.

- You wouldn't.

- Yes, I would.

I believe you would.

Henri, how will we ever

get out of here?

I'm not gonna worry about that until

the Statue of Liberty goes by that porthole.

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