I Was a Male War Bride Page #2

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To keep your mouth shut and do as I tell you.

I would like to know the details

of my assignment in order to know...

what equipment to draw

from the quartermaster.

- See if they have a spare head.

- And I may as well warn you, bubble mouth...

I'm going to carry a revolver

and a trench knife...

and if you so much as lay

a finger on me this trip...

you're going back to France

minus a lot of parts you probably value.

There you go again, you blistering idiot.

I didn't touch you!

Oh, I'm sorry, Henri, but we're stuck.

We've got to be together for a while...

so why not make the best of it?

- There is no best.

- Well, I'll go crazy if you...

We turn here. I'll go crazy if you keep losing

that maniac temper every ten minutes.

Aw, Henri, let's grow up. I'm sorry

about what happened in the wine cellar.

I have no temper. No one ever

accused me of having a temper!

- They didn't, eh?

- No!

Do you remember what you were

doing the last time I saw you?

You were chasing me down the Hermann

Goring Strasse in Dsseldorf...

swearing you were gonna

tear my head off and make me eat it!

And what color was I? I was blue.

A lovely, robin's egg blue...

- You looked so funny!

- On account of having been pushed into a vat of dye by you!

- I didn't know it was dye. I thought it was water.

- Water.

Blue! All over. Blue.

It's your own fault anyway...

drinking all that free wine and turning

into an octopus with hands.

You misunderstood. You flatter yourself.

I was only trying to be friendly.

Oh, I'm sorry I misunderstood.

Well, let's forget it. It's all over with,

and the dye's come off.

- No, it hasn't!

- It hasn't?

- No!

- Oh, I'm sorry.

Oh. That's all right. There's a certain

advantage in being an oddity.

- In here, Henri.

- Oh.

- Hello, Jack.

- Hello, Catherine. What's so funny?

A little bit difficult to describe.

Oh, Henri, this is Captain Ramsey.

Captain Rochard.

- How do you do?

- Of the French Economic Mission.

Oh!

- Hiya.

- Hiya.

- Have you some orders for me, Jack?

- All ready. Oh, Burns?

You know, Cathy, this means

no dance for me Saturday night.

Don't be silly.

You can take Kitty.

I'd rather sit alone in my room and

think of you. Wouldn't you, Captain?

Uh-huh. Alone in my room.

- Better take good care of her.

- I'll watch her every moment.

- Oh, that's fine.

- Well, we'd better be getting on.

- Bye, Jack.

- How about dinner the night you get back?

- Okay. It's a deal.

- Swell.

See you in church.

- Uh, sure. So long.

- So long.

Hmmm. That, uh, linguist in there...

I think he's stuck on you.

What's the matter with him?

- It's only natural that you wouldn't understand, Henri.

- It certainly is.

You see, you chase after anything in skirts.

Anything. They're all the same to you.

But lots of men can tell them apart.

Believe me, sometimes they find one they like

better than the others. That's called love.

You probably haven't experienced it, but

you must have read about it somewhere.

- Where are we going?

- We... I go that way. I have to get my stuff.

- Which way do I go? I have to pay off my cab.

- I'll meet you at the motor pool.

- When?

- Twenty minutes.

Before you go, why did you say

I run after everything in skirts?

- I didn't.

- You did.

- I said "anything. "

- Oh, that's different then.

American women.

You know, I'm just beginning to get it.

- For weeks you've been talking as if he had yellow jaundice.

- He did.

And now you're grinning like a Cheshire cat

because a job means being with him for three days.

- You can do a lot in three days.

- If you work at it.

What about the dye?

Is it worn off, or is he still blue?

He's still just mad,

but he's a lot of fun to fight with.

- Bring that stuff, will ya?

- Sure.

Are you, uh, ready, Captain?

Quite ready, Lieutenant.

- Morning, Sergeant.

- Oh. Morning, Lieutenant.

Need transportation.

Going to Bad Nauheim.

Oh, I'm sorry. I guess you're

all out of luck, Lieutenant.

- We'll settle for a jeep.

- All we got available are motorcycles and sidecars.

- Oh, come on, Sergeant!

- Did you look at your travel orders, Lieutenant?

- What about those cars?

- You got priority four, Captain, and that's bottom.

- Well, Captain, what do we do?

- We'll have to take a motorcycle.

- Are you checked out on motorcycles, Captain?

- I can drive one.

If you ain't checked out, you can't,

and I can't check you out.

- I have a motorcycle license.

- Well, sir, I guess that fixes you up.

- We'll wait for a car, Sergeant.

- Oh, I can drive one.

- I'm sure.

- But I tell you I'm good on a motorcycle!

My brother had one.

We used to go hill climbing.

- I can even ride one standing up.

- What for?

Oh, all right. But I can still ride

a motorcycle. Or are you afraid?

We'll take it, Sergeant.

And I am afraid.

- Any one of these, Sergeant?

- Sure, Lieutenant. Take your pick.

Remember, Captain, she has to drive it.

That's regulations.

Thank you.

Sergeant, can you dig up a helmet

and a pair of goggles?

- Should be some in the toolbox, Lieutenant.

- Oh. Yeah. Thanks.

What are you laughing about?

Begging your pardon, Lieutenant, how do you

intend to ride that thing? Sidesaddle?

No, Captain.

Begging your pardon, astride.

- Oh, that's a shame.

- Excuse me.

Mm-hmm.

How far is it to Bad Nauheim?

About 120 kilometers.

Do you know the way?

- I've got a map.

- Of Germany?

Yes, Captain.

That's right. Of Germany.

Amazing.

Stop that. You'll be all right.

Hey, Lieutenant!

You forgot something!

Never mind. Just let her go!

I'm sorry, Lieutenant.

I took it off for oiling.

- I forgot to hook it up.

- That's all right.

You'd better take this one, Lieutenant.

It's all in one piece.

- It would be better. Don't you agree, Captain?

- I don't know.

- You don't know?

- Yes. I don't know.

You know how silly you look

just sitting there?

Well, is it still so funny?

No. I was just thinking.

I was thinking how nice it would be if

this one came off while we were driving.

Oh, Henri. I dropped my lipstick.

- It rolled over there.

- Get it, will ya?

Well, it's a pleasure to get out

of this portable bathtub.

- I can't reach it. It's gone over there, you see?

- Well, climb over the top.

Hey!

Hey! Let me down!

Let me down!

Henri, what are you

doing up there?

- What's the deal, Lieutenant?

- The area's sealed off from here to Battenberg, Lieutenant.

- What for?

- Rounding up a gang of black market dealers.

- I have a pass.

- I'm sorry. It's no good, Lieutenant.

- And I've got a general pass.

- Keep it, Captain. All passes are suspended.

- For how long?

- Oh, eight to 12 hours anyway. Maybe 24.

I'm sorry.

- Well?

- I might have known.

Well, don't blame me.

It's not my fault. What'll we do?

I can't wait here for 24 hours. I've got to be in

Bad Nauheim by 3:00 tomorrow afternoon.

If this thing had wings, we could...

- Say, what's wrong with that?

- Hmm? What's wrong with what?

- That boat.

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